Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Happy Hallowe'en!

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Monday, October 30, 2006

Guess The Missing Word In This Story

1. Read the excerpts below:

Legislator says colleague made threatening phone call

When state Rep. Ralph Arza found out over the weekend that another legislator had filed a complaint claiming Arza slurred the African-American chief of Miami-Dade's schools, he started drinking. And he got mad.

Arza called the colleague, Rep. Gus Barreiro, and left him an angry message on voicemail, cursing him out and calling Miami-Dade superintendent Rudy Crew the N-word. That was the same thing -- a racial, profanity-laced voicemail -- Barreiro had complained about in the first place.

The upshot: Barreiro called the cops Monday, saying he felt Arza's diatribe was ''threatening.'' Police, who now have a tape of Arza's phone call -- and a second anonymous call made hours later -- say they have opened an investigation.

On Monday night, Arza issued a stunning apology in an e-mail to The Miami Herald, saying he has trouble controlling his temper, especially when he's drinking. He also asked Barreiro, his family and voters for forgiveness.

''My emotions got the best of me and I left some offensive and shameful messages,'' Arza said. ``I have embarrassed myself, my family and the constituents that I serve.
``At times I have had difficulty controlling my emotions and anger. I have noticed that this problem is made worse on those occasions when I have been drinking. Saturday night was one of those occasions.''

Arza said he will seek ``immediate counseling.'' --snip--

Some time after Arza's call, someone else called Barreiro on his cellphone and left a threatening message calling Barreiro a ``snitch.''

Barreiro declined to discuss the investigation in detail, but confirmed receiving the two phone calls between 8 p.m. Saturday night and 1 a.m. Sunday morning. Barreiro says he recognized the first caller as Arza -- and his caller ID displayed Arza's number. He did not recognize the voice of the second caller. Arza told The Herald he does not know who the second caller was. --snip--

Sources with knowledge of the investigation told The Herald the second man told Barreiro: ''We're gonna get you, you snitch. We're gonna teach you a lesson for being a snitch.'' The sources also said that in the voicemail message, Arza called Barreiro a ``bitch.''

Spokesmen for both the Miami Police Department and the Florida Department of Law Enforcement confirmed they have begun an investigation, but declined to provide any details.

2. Guess the missing word.

If you guessed "Republican," you either live in Florida or you clicked the link and read 8 (Count "EM! 8!) whole paragraphs before seeing the R word.

Congrats, Winners! Here's a cookie!

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Snarky Sermon on the Blog: It's Bush! It's Jesus! It's Both!

ALABAMA artist Frank Bear illustrated support for George W. Bush as a follower of Jesus Christ by this work, titled "Our Christian President." The artist pieced together individual portraits of Jesus Christ to make the image of President Bush. Despite criticism, Bear insists the artwork is not blasphemous. (RNS Photo)

The article accompanying this... um, artistic interpretation of the president's so-called faith includes the following passage:
At the time, everyone in Texas was talking about Bush's potential to become the next president. During the meeting, (Richard Land, president of the Southern Baptist Convention's Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission) Land recalled, Bush said, "I believe God wants me to be president, but if that doesn't happen, it's OK." Land points out that Bush didn't say that God actually wanted him to be president. He merely said he believed God wanted him to be president.

Hm. Doesn't Land seem a bit confused about divine infallibility here? A better question: Why did God need the US Supreme Court to appoint his chosen presidential pick?

Gee, I wonder if Jesus W. Bush could pass this quiz...

What Do You Really Know
About The Bible?

The bible is the "best seller" that is rarely read. How much do you actually know about the so-called "Good Book"?

Answer all 50 questions, then hit "Submit" for your score and full biblical documentation of all the answers.

1. What is the last of the Ten Commandments?

1. Don't steal.
2. Don't covet your neighbor's wife and property.
3. Don't boil a young goat in the milk of its mother.
4. Love your neighbor as yourself.

2. What is the penalty for working on the Sabbath?

1. You will be stoned to death.
2. Neither you nor your offspring to the 5th generation can enter the tabernacle.
3. You should sacrifice two unblemished she goats.
4. You will be disinherited from the kingdom.

3. What is God's name?

1. Jealous.
2. Righteous.
3. Holy.
4. Jehovah.

4. How should parents treat a stubborn and rebellious son?

1. He should be beaten seven times with a whip made of horsehair.
2. He should be stripped and humiliated at the gate of the city.
3. He should be expelled from the family.
4. He should be stoned to death.

5. What happens if you are not a virgin on your wedding night?

1. Your father must pay 100 shekels of silver to your husband.
2. You can never approach the altar.
3. You must dress in black and leave your husband for one year.
4. You will be stoned to death.

6. What does the bible say about witches?

1. Witches should be killed.
2. Witches are people possessed by demons and they are forever damned.
3. Witches can be saved if they are exorcised.
4. Witches are part of the mythology of idolatrous tribes.

7. Which of these foods does the bible expressly permit you to eat? (The others are "abominations.")

1. Pork.
2. Shellfish.
3. Locust.
4. Rabbit.

8. When the Israelites conquered the Midianites, what part of the spoils of war was given to the priest as "the Lord's tribute"?

1. 500 sheep.
2. 30,000 asses.
3. 32,000 cows.
4. 32 virgins.

9. What is the origin of the "mighty men" giants known as nephilim?

1. They were the offspring of God's angels and young women.
2. They were the result of an earlier, botched creation.
3. They were monsters from the evil nation of Nephi.
4. They were part of the "blessing of Abraham" that ensured military victory to God's chosen people.

10. What happened to Korah and his family, Israelites who thought they could deal directly with God without a human intermediary?

1. They became priests.
2. They were expelled from the nation of Israel.
3. The earth opened and swallowed them up.
4. They were stripped of all their belongings, houses, and livestock.

11. According to the bible, who created evil?

1. Adam.
2. Eve.
3. God.
4. Satan.

12. According to the bible, what is God not able to do?

1. Save the very worst sinners from hell.
2. Make a rock so huge he can't lift it.
3. Repel chariots of iron.
4. Make people tell lies.

13. According to the bible, where does God live?

1. On a throne in the seventh heaven.
2. In darkness.
3. Above the clouds.
4. On a planet between the sun and the stars.

14. According to biblical biology, what is a bat?

1. A bird.
2. A mammal.
3. An insect.
4. A mythical creature.

15. According to biblical anatomy, where does thinking happen?

1. In the heart.
2. In the brain.
3. In the kidneys.
4. In the lungs.

16. How did Gideon demonstrate his family values?

1. He lived with a young boy named Jether.
2. He and his wife Ophrah had three sons who became spiritual leaders.
3. He fathered 71 sons through his "many wives" and a mistress in Shechem.
4. He remained single, becoming the inspiration for St. Paul.

17. After Jephthah was victorious in battle, what sacrifice did he burn on the altar, as he had vowed to the Lord?

1. Himself.
2. His livestock.
3. Two unspotted lambs.
4. His virgin daughter.

18. What price did David pay King Saul for his first wife?

1. 500 cattle.
2. The heads of 100 Philistines.
3. The foreskins of 200 Philistines.
4. The swords, shields and horses of 300 Philistines.

19. How many sexual partners did King Solomon have?

1. One wife and 300 concubines.
2. One wife. (The concubines were servants.)
3. 300 wives.
4. One thousand sexual partners.

20. What happened to 42 little children who teased God's prophet Elisha for being bald and he cursed them in the name of the Lord?

1. They were whipped by their parents.
2. They and their descendants to five generations were forbidden to enter the tabernacle.
3. Two bears came out of the forest and killed them all.
4. They were forced to work seven years for the Levites as child slaves.

21. What reason did God give for tormenting Job?

1. "Job was a sinner. He deserved it."
2. "I didn't torment Job. Satan did it."
3. "Satan dared me, so I destroyed Job for no reason at all."
4. "I wanted to see how far a man would bend before breaking."

22. According to the bible, what does Satan look like?

1. A skinny red man with horns and a pointed tail.
2. A red dragon with 7 heads and 10 horns.
3. A garden snake.
4. An angel in a black robe.

23. How does the biblical god treat haughty women?

1. He makes them barren.
2. He puts scabs on their heads and uncovers their private parts.
3. He takes away their gold and expensive clothing.
4. The Holy Spirit causes them to feel shame for their arrogance.

24. In dollars (shekels), how much is a woman worth?

1. Half a male.
2. The same as a male.
3. Twice as much as a male.
4. Irrelevant. The bible does not put a financial value on human life.

25. What happens if a man rapes an engaged virgin in the city, and no one hears anything?

1. The man should pay her father 100 shekels of silver.
2. The man is stoned to death.
3. The woman is stoned to death.
4. They are both stoned to death.

26. What is the Mosaic Law punishment for being handicapped?

1. You will be stoned to death.
2. You must sacrifice two additional doves on the altar.
3. You are not allowed in church.
4. You must bathe for two months before entering the tabernacle.

27. According to the bible, when may a husband have sex with his wife?

1. As often as he likes. She is his property.
2. Not during her menstrual period.
3. As often as he likes until the first son is born, then by mutual agreement.
4. As often as the wife allows it.

28. How should you feel when you dash babies against the rocks?

1. Happy.
2. Ashamed.
3. It depends if the babies were guilty or innocent.
4. Nothing. It is all in God's hands.

29. How many human generations were there before Jesus?

1. "More numerous than the stars."
2. 144,000.
3. 412.
4. 62.

30. What Christmas tradition is expressly forbidden in the bible?

1. Singing carols house-to-house.
2. Exchanging gifts.
3. Christmas trees.
4. Kissing under the mistletoe.

31. According to Jesus, what must you do to have eternal life?

1. Obey the law and keep all the sacraments.
2. Sell everything you have and give all the money to the poor.
3. Attend church regularly and tithe ten percent of your income to God.
4. Confess your sins and ask Jesus to come into your heart.

32. According to Jesus, how should Christian disciples treat their parents?

1. Parents should be loved, honored and cared for.
2. Parents should be taken care of by the church community.
3. Parents should be hated.
4. Parents should be ignored--"Let the dead bury the dead"--because when you are born again, God becomes your true parent.

33. According to Jesus, how should slaves be treated?

1. They should be beaten daily to keep them in line.
2. They should be beaten for disobedience, but not more severely than they deserve.
3. They should be treated humanely, as members of the family.
4. They should be set free because slavery is wrong.

34. What did Jesus say about peace?

1. "Peace on earth, good will toward men."
2. "Don't think that I came for peace on earth. I came to start wars."
3. "Each person makes their own peace, according to their faith and how they treat others."
4. "There is no peace apart from God."

35. Which one of these phrases did Jesus not say about witnessing?

1. "Thou shalt not bear false witness."
2. "God is my witness."
3. "If I bear witness of myself, it is true."
4. "If I bear witness of myself, it is not true."

36. What personal sacrifice for "the kingdom of heaven" was Jesus talking about when he told his disciples, "He that is able to receive it, let him receive it"?

1. Leave your family.
2. Pluck out your eyes.
3. Become poor.
4. Castrate yourself.

37. According to New Testament medical advice, what should you do if you are sick?

1. Seek medical help from doctors ordained by God.
2. Ask the church elders to apply oil to your skin and pray for you.
3. Ask Jesus or the elders to exorcise the evil spirits from your body.
4. Kneel down before a brass serpent wrapped around a pole.

38. What does Paul prohibit a woman from wearing in church?

1. A hat, or any head covering.
2. Gold.
3. Necklaces, bracelets or anklets.
4. Men's clothing.

39. According to Paul, what is the role of women in the church?

1. Women are equal to men in all respects.
2. Women do the praying, singing and testifying, while men handle the preaching and finances.
3. Women must keep silent. They should learn from their husbands at home.
4. Women are not allowed in church except on high holidays.

40. What does Paul say about marriage?

1. "I wish everyone were single like me."
2. "Celibacy is a pagan practice."
3. "Elders and deacons may have more than one wife."
4. "If your feelings are only sexual, then don't get married."

41. Paul forbids divorce, but Jesus allows it under one circumstance. What is that circumstance?

1. If the husband has sex outside of marriage.
2. If the wife has sex outside of marriage.
3. If either has sex outside of marriage.
4. If the wife fails to produce a son.

42. What group of people will make it into the heavenly choir?

1. Those who are "poor in spirit."
2. Those who confess their sins and accept Jesus as their savior.
3. God's chosen people, the Jews.
4. 144,000 male virgins who have not been defiled with women.

43. Which one of these words is in the bible?

1. Trinity.
2. Liberal.
3. Christmas.
4. Rapture.

44. Where does the bible say that all men are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights?

1. The laws of Moses.
2. Jesus's Sermon on the Mount.
3. The Book of Revelation.
4. Nowhere.

45. Should Christians allow nonbelievers into their homes?

Yes. No.

46. Should Christian men kiss each other?

Yes. No.

47. Should Christians always give what they have to anyone who asks for it?

Yes. No.

48. Do the Ten Commandments prohibit incest or rape?

Yes. No.

49. If you lose a lawsuit, should you pay exactly what the court decides?

Yes. No.

50. Can Christians ask their boss for a raise?

Yes. No.

Thus Endeth Today's Sermon.

Go forth today and ponder both the words and deeds of the man who credits and/or blames God for his presidential actions. And decide for yourself whether such actions are righteous... or not.

I mean it, damn it!

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Bloomberg: The US Economy Is Worse Than Reported

That should've been the headline. Here's the real one:

U.S. Data Fluke Exaggerated Growth, Will Be Reversed

Oct. 27 (Bloomberg) -- An unexpected increase in auto production last quarter was a statistical fluke that will be reversed, making current U.S. economic growth even weaker, according to a former Commerce Department economist.

Last quarter's annualized 26 percent increase in motor vehicle production shocked Joe Carson, now director of economic research at AllianceBernstein LP in New York. Without the gain, the economy would have grown at an annual rate of 0.9 percent, not the 1.6 percent the Commerce Department reported today.

The reported increase in output came despite cutbacks announced by General Motors Corp., Ford Motor Co. and others. A drop in the wholesale price of SUVs and light trucks as the automakers cleared leftover 2006 models made production look stronger than it actually was, said Carson. The economic fallout from the auto-industry cutbacks will instead come this quarter, he said.

``Last quarter was weak even with the benefit of this mismatch and the fourth quarter will now also be weak because it's going the other way,'' Carson said. ``Whatever output you have this quarter, which will probably be down, will be discounted by a likely rebound in prices.''

Another day, another BushCo "strong economy" lie. For this and so many other lies this week, all members of the Bush adminstration are this week's Backside of the Bell Curve winners. Congrats!

Hey, Mr. Carson! If anything happens to you after this report, do you think it will be called a "fluke accident?" Be careful. We need honest players like you!

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Friday, October 27, 2006

The US Economy Is Booming (But NOT In A Good Way)

And the smart kids on the corner sing, "DUH. Duh duh. Duh. Duh duh..."

Hot off the AP Wire:
Economic growth slowed to a crawl in the third quarter, advancing at a pace of just 1.6 percent, the worst in more than three years.

The latest snapshot of the economy, released by the Commerce Department on Friday, showed that the slumping housing market figured prominently in the economy’s dramatic loss of momentum.

The reading on gross domestic product was weaker than the 2.1 percent pace many economists were forecasting.

Keep talking up your "strong economy," Bush.

At least until Nov. 7th.

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Thursday, October 26, 2006

"Stay The Strong Bush Economy Course!"

Face it, America. Le petit Dauphin has decreed that his Iraq War "Stay The Course" crap-o-meme is no longer operative.

In fact, Bush claims he's hardly ever used that slogan.

Got It?

Never mind that a simple Google search of "Stay The Course and whitehouse.gov" alone yields 160 hits.

So we're supposed to stop looking for logic in all the wrong Bush places simply because Dauphin W. Bush says so?

Today, we're supposed to focus on the "strong Bush economy" simply because Bush says so? Even if the soaring stock market numbers are based on short selling and the successes of a mere 6 or 7 companies... which don't include oil and energy concerns?

Bring it on
, George!

Who's going to guarantee Social Security and Medicare benefits?

Who's going to guarantee that jobs stay inside the country?

Who's going to guarantee affordable education for all?

Who's going to guarantee that you no longer have to pay Paris Hilton's taxes?

Who's going to guarantee that our water, air, and green spaces are as clean as humanly possible?

Who's going to guarantee a living wage for an honest day's work?

Who will make health care affordable for families?

Still want to stay the course, y'all?

Not this blogger.

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

How Many Of Rush's Listeners Understand This Cartoon?

Hey, Dittoheads! Go back to school, y'all.

I met a traveller from an antique land,
Who said -- "two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert ... near them, on the sand,
Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lips, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal these words appear:
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings,
Look on my Works ye Mighty, and despair!
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away."

by Percy Bysshe Shelley

Next question, Dittoheads: Name the poem's structure. (Hint: Count the damned lines.)

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Rush Limbaugh Thanks You For Hating Him!

Without the occasional national outrage, without the occasional highly publicized arrest, and without the occasional raid on his house and/or private plane... Rush would be history.

Yep, the guru of the uneducated masses has (and has had for quite a while now) a rapidly evaporating ratings share, and he has now crossed the line into uncharted Grand Old Psycho territory.

I know it's nigh onto impossible to ignore the Viagra/Oxy popping, multiple- failed- marriages blowhard who makes Bill Frist's video diagnosis of Terri Schiavo look half-way sane. Especially when he claims that Democrats hatched the fiendish plots with Republican senate pages to trap Mark Foley. But this time...

Spouting hatred against an American icon devastated by Parkinson's in order to prop up a pig ignorant political fight against medical research should be the death rattle of Rush's ratings.

Check out the MSNBC Headline...

Limbaugh mocks Michael J. Fox political ad
Conservative talk show host accuses actor of faking Parkinson's disease
M. Spencer Green / AP file

Possibly worse than making fun of someone's disability is saying that it's imaginary. That is not to mock someone's body, but to challenge a person's guts, integrity, sanity.

To Rush Limbaugh on Monday, Michael J. Fox looked like a faker. The actor, who suffers from Parkinson's disease, has done a series of political ads supporting candidates who favor stem cell research, including Maryland Democrat Ben Cardin, who is running against Republican Michael Steele for the Senate seat being vacated by Paul Sarbanes.

"He is exaggerating the effects of the disease," Limbaugh told listeners. "He's moving all around and shaking and it's purely an act. . . . This is really shameless of Michael J. Fox. Either he didn't take his medication or he's acting."

MSNBC, thy name is Mudd.

Alas, there's no such thing as bad publicity...

Unless every sentient being exposes this illegal pill-popping pustule on America's backside on every possible occasion for the heartless bastard that he is.

It's way past pitchforks and torches time, y'all.

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

The Republican Carnival Shell Game

If you're struggling with metaphors to describe BushCo's standard operating procedure to clueless friends and relatives, Josh Marshall has nailed it. Just substitute any Republican's name or even "Republicans" for "the president":

Think of the president as a failed or deadbeat entrepreneur (again, not such a stretch) who's already lost his investors a ton of money. He goes back to them and says, 'Okay, fine. You think I'm a moron and a screw-up who lost you guys a ton of money. Fine. But do you really want to finally, totally, conclusively kiss that $300 billion goodbye. You wanna just totally call it quits? Admit it's a total loss? What about giving me just another $10 billion and maybe somehow I'll actually pull this off? Or, since that's just not gonna happen, a mere $10 billion to put off for six months having to write the whole thing off as a loss, having to come to grips once and for all with the fact that all the money's gone and the whole thing's a bust?'

In a nut shell, the Republicans want you to give them another chance/ more time/ a wink and a nod... to keep raiding the national coffers and pocket your hard-earned money for themselves and their cronies.

Will you keep playing the Republican carnival shell game, hoping to recoup some of your losses? Really, that's what this election is all about at this point.

If so, good luck with your investment strategy. I, for one, am tired of paying Paris Hilton's taxes. Aren't you?

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Monday, October 23, 2006

Staying The Course... Or Not ... Er, Staying The Course: Bush Bashes Himself ON TV

Another Bush TV Moment, Another Global (and extremely bloody) Embarrassment:

Bush: ‘We’ve Never Been Stay The Course’
During an interview today on ABC’s This Week, President Bush tried to distance himself from what has been his core strategy in Iraq for the last three years. George Stephanopoulos asked about James Baker’s plan to develop a strategy for Iraq that is “between ’stay the course’ and ‘cut and run.’”

Bush responded, ‘We’ve never been stay the course, George!’

Bush is wrong:

BUSH: We will stay the course. <8/30/06>

BUSH: We will stay the course, we will complete the job in Iraq. <8/4/05>

BUSH: We will stay the course until the job is done, Steve. And the temptation is to try to get the President or somebody to put a timetable on the definition of getting the job done. We’re just going to stay the course. <12/15/03>

BUSH: And my message today to those in Iraq is: We’ll stay the course. <4/13/04>

BUSH: And that’s why we’re going to stay the course in Iraq. And that’s why when we say something in Iraq, we’re going to do it. <4/16/04>

BUSH: And so we’ve got tough action in Iraq. But we will stay the course. <4/5/04>

Digg It!

STEPHANOPOULOS: James Baker says that he’s looking for something between “cut and run” and “stay the course.”

BUSH: Well, hey, listen, we’ve never been “stay the course,” George. We have been — we will complete the mission, we will do our job, and help achieve the goal, but we’re constantly adjusting to tactics. Constantly.

Truly heavy sigh.

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Jesus Danced.

OK, that's not exactly how the shortest verse in the Bible reads, but it's damned funny...

Go ahead. Click it. You now you want to.

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Snarky Sermon on the Blog: What Made The Preacher Man An Agnostic?

Well, what do you know? Studying the existing papyrus scrolls containing the known original Biblical texts has "the power to shake faith."

That's what happened to Bart D. Ehrman, author of the 2005 bestseller "Misquoting Jesus: The Story Behind Who Changed the Bible and Why."

Ehrman was a born-again Christian from Kansas when he entered Chicago's Moody Bible Institute at age 18. After three decades of comparing ancient manuscripts in their original languages to try to determine the earliest, most authentic text of the New Testament, he is now an agnostic.

"I thought God had inspired the words inerrantly. But when I examined the historical texts, I realized the words had not been preserved inerrantly, and it would have been no greater miracle to preserve them than to inspire them in the first place," said Ehrman, now chairman of religious studies at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

The snark in me is wrestling with the urge to scream, "DUH!"

How sad to be raised in some kind of Kansas Dark Ages church, where Ehrman's preacher man knew less than his predecessor... who knew less than the one who preached before him... ad annum domini.

I wonder how Ehrman felt when he learned about the Holy Trinity debate among the bishops at the first Council of Nicea in 325 CE...

The council acknowledged that Christ was God of very God. Although the Father and Son differed in role, they, and the Holy Spirit are truly God. More specifically, Christ is of one substance with the Father. The Greek word homoousios was used to describe this sameness. The term was controversial because it is not used in the Bible. Some preferred a different word that conveyed similarity rather than sameness. But Athanasius and the near unanimous majority of bishops felt that this might eventually result in a lowering of Christ's oneness with the Father. They also argued that Christ was begotten, not made. He is not a created thing in the same class as the rest of the cosmos. They concluded by positing that Christ became human for mankind and its salvation.

Thus Endeth Today's Sermon.

Go forth today, knowing that the same trinity debate continues to this very day: with Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses, and Muslims on one side and Catholics and most mainstream Protestants on the other... while the Agnostics watch from the sidelines.

Just think about it.

I mean it, damn it!

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Saturday, October 21, 2006

"Bush Open To Suggestions On Iraq": Why Now?

Oh, yeah. Mid-term elections on November 7th, and 75 military deaths already this month.
Bush Open To Suggestions On Iraq
Plans To Consult With Top Generals About Escalating Violence

(CBS/AP) President Bush conceded Friday that "right now it's tough" for American forces in Iraq, but the White House said he would not change U.S. strategy in the face of pre-election polls that show voters are upset.

With Republicans anxious about the potential loss of Congress — and with conditions seemingly deteriorating in Iraq — Mr. Bush addressed the question of whether he would alter his policies.

"We are constantly adjusting our tactics so that we achieve the objective, and right now it's tough, it's tough," Mr. Bush said in an Associated Press interview.
Leave it to CBS/AP to publish this particular headline at this particular time, knowing full well that most readers never read the entire story. Buried way below the headline...

Mr. Bush, at a political fundraiser in Washington for the National Republican Senatorial Committee, railed against Democrats who criticize the war. Calling the Democrats the party of "cut and run," Mr. Bush said voters need to ask: "Which political party has a strategy for victory in this war on terror?' "
Open to suggestions?

Maybe on Planet OH RIGHT SURE.

Got change for a wooden nickel?

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Friday, October 20, 2006

Bush's Brilliance On Parade

And you're just stupid enough incredibly brilliant to repeat the GOP talking points fed to you each morning. Keep it up, George! It's working. Honest! Would I lie to you?

That's right. Listen to me. It's really, really working! Just keep repeating how this mid-term election is not about you, OK?

And don't forget to read The Blog Box today for more evidence of your... um, brilliance, George.

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Twinkle Toes ~Or~ The Booster Seat President

I have no other response to this latest daily humiliation, except to congratulate George W. Embarrassment, this week's Backside of the Bell Curve winner...

Secret Service agents watch as President Bush steps out of his vehicle prior to boarding Air Force One at Andrews Air Force Base in Md., Thursday, Oct. 19, 2006 before traveling to La Plume, Pa., to campaign for Rep. Don Sherwood, R-Pa., and Richmond, Va., where he will campaign for Sen. George Allen, R-Va., before returning to Washington. (AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Notable Republican Campaign Quotes (2006 Edition)

On Bush's secret plan to win the war:

“[Tester] says our president don’t have a plan. I think he’s got one. He’s not going to tell everyone in the world."
Sen. Conrad Burns (R-MT)

On Bush's Iraq War:

"In my judgment we should have gone in sooner but not for weapons of mass destruction."
Rep. Christopher Shays (R-CT)

On her death-rattle of a campaign, after promising to spend $10 million of her own money, but not keeping the promise:

"I am even selling my home. I'm committed."
U.S. Rep. Katherine Harris

Cue Osama! I sense the need for a Grand Old Party Diversion of epic proportion a'comin' on.

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Axis Of Evil Photo Op...

And the event that brought these 3 together for this photo op?

A death for the history books...

By the way, doesn't President Puffy look like he's about to cross the border into Strokeville?

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

How Do You Like Your Party's Wiretapping Dance Routine Now, Mr. Weldon?

It had to happen. A powerful Republican congressman (Curt Weldon, R- Pig Ignorance, PA) has been the subject of his own party's new wiretap laws for several months, and he had no idea it was happening.

"What I find ironic, if there is an investigation, is that no one would tell me until three weeks before the election," Weldon said at an appearance in Media."

Uh, because police usually don't inform suspects they're under surveillance?

'Pennsylvania (AP) -- The FBI raided the homes of Rep. Curt Weldon's daughter and a close friend Monday as it investigates whether the congressman improperly helped the pair win lobbying and consulting contracts.'

Hey, Mr. Weldon!

Meet the bitch biting at your ass...

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Monday, October 16, 2006

Bush & Rumsfeld React To 54,000 Air Force War Dead

U.S. President George W. Bush (L) and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld attend the United States Air Force Memorial dedication in Arlington, Virginia, October 14, 2006. REUTERS/Jim Young (UNITED STATES)

About the Air Force Memorial:

The United States Air Force Memorial honors the service and sacrifices of the men and women of the United States Air Force and its predecessor organizations, including the Aeronautical Division, U.S. Signal Corps; the Aviation Section, U.S. Signal Corps; the Division of Military Aeronautics, Secretary of War; the Army Air Service; the U.S. Army Air Corps; and the U.S. Army Air Forces. More than 54,000 airmen have died in combat while serving in the Air Force and these historical service arms of the military, the second highest of any of America’s four armed services.
Picture. 1000 words. Enough said.

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Snarky Sermon on the Blog: God Loves Pharaoh!

Today's prayer (based on the antics of a wingnut ant-minimum wage group in Colorado):

Save us, Oh, Lord,
From the hod carriers,
The shepherds,
And the employees
Of the money changers
Who demand a living wage
For their daily labors!

Today's sermon (from the Book of Think Progress:

Colorado Group: God, Moses Oppose State Minimum Wage Increase

This November, Coloradoans will vote on Amendment 42, a ballot initiative to raise the state minimum wage from $5.15 to $6.85. If the initiative passes, the minimum wage would be “adjusted annually for inflation, as measured by the Consumer Price Index used for Colorado.”

Stop 42, the group opposed to the initiative, is taking a “biblical” approach in their campaign against a minimum wage increase. Their new ad depicts a “Moses” character speaking to the voice of God in the Rocky Mountains. “We need divine intervention,” Moses says. God responds: “We can’t let the people make this mistake. Go. Spread the word. Vote no on 42!”


MOSES: Hello!

GOD: Can you hear me now?

MOSES: We need divine intervention. They want to chisel Amendment 42 into Colorado’s constitution where it doesn’t belong.

GOD: What on earth are you talking about?

MOSES: An annual minimum wage increase in stone for eternity!

GOD: When inflation and recession come, it will be a catastrophe!

MOSES: It’s a plague we’ll face every year.

GOD: We can’t let the people make this mistake. Go. Spread the word. Vote no on 42!
Watch the ad (Not YouTube).

Now, let's recap:

According to this blasphemous campaign ad...

God isn't omnipotent, for He knows not what Moses is talking about.

God has changed his mind about the poor (He says their demand for a minimum wage increase will cause a catastrophe).

Moses represents the interests of Pharaoh ("It's a plague we'll face every year").

Thus Endeth Today's Sermon.

Go forth today and ponder the pig ignorance and/or downright meanness of those who would manipulate the images and intentions of Moses and God to promote what amounts to a slave labor status quo only Pharaoh would love.

Think about it.

I mean it, damn it!

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Are You Ready? The War On Christmas Starts Early This Year!

It's not even Hallowe'en yet, and Bill O'Reilly has already declared the official start of this year's War On Christmas.

According to the notorious Falafel Sex Boy, he fears gains by progressives could mean "no more Christmas."

Hey, can you count how many times he says Soros during his tirade?

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Friday, October 13, 2006

Next, They Came For The Gays..

There's a big, big... HUGE... difference between being gay and/or heterosexual and being a pedophilie or an ehebephile. So it pains me to see the fascist fundies call for a purge (shades of Dachau) of all Republican gays in congress. Max Blumenthal writes in The Nation:

The Rev. Don Wildmon of the American Family Association, told me he has received that memo, which he referred to simply as "The List." Based on The List's contents, Wildmon is convinced that a secretive gay "clique" boring within the Republican-controlled Congress is responsible for covering up Foley's sexual predation toward teenage male House pages. Moreover, Wildmon calls on the Republican Party leadership to promptly purge the "subversive" gay staffers. More...

Fine. Be a Nazi, Wildmon... you Kool-Aid dispensing 'Hate Thy Neighbor" pseudo-Christian. But you'd better be prepared to give up...

Your hair stylist

Your make up artist

Your wardrobe guru

Your interior decorator

Your landscape designer

Your caterer

Your plumber

All Hollywood movies

Most TV shows

Your accountant

Your US Mail carrier

... And the list goes on and on and on.

Because you just never know who among you might be gay. Hell, even your sister might be one of those people you now want to purge. Ask Dick Cheney if he wants to join your cause, thereby calling for the ousting of his daughter from her government job.

Tuesday was National Coming Out Day. more and more people are refusing to live in fear of you and your kind, Wildmon. And don't scream that you're being persecuted for your religious beliefs when they stand up to you, either. You control just about everything in this country. So stop the damned whining.

It's as lame as your latest "purge" battle cry. Don't you have anything more important to do with your time? Like gearing up for this year's war on Christmas?

In the words of Dolly Parton, "Get down off the cross. Somebody needs the wood." Better yet, let's ask famous hebephile Jerry Lee Lewis what he sees in your future, Wildmon...

"Goodness gracious! Great balls of fire!"

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Thursday, October 12, 2006

If George Bush Ate A Baby On TV...

...How would the Republicans spin it?

Oh, that's how.

If you're having trouble viewing YouTube videos, click here.

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

"Through Early Morning Fog I See..."

Larry Gelbart, of M*A*S*H fame, has come up with quite a list of things everyone should remember on Election Day:
Abu Ghraib
Unwarranted Phone Taps
Unprecedented Powers
Unmatched Incompetence
Unparalleled Corruption
Governor Bob Taft
Representative Tom Delay
Representative Roy Blunt
Representative Ken Calvert
Representative John Dolittle
Representative Tom Feeney
Representative Katherine Harris
Representative Jerry Lewis
Representative Gary Miller
Representative Marilyn Musgrave
Representative Richard Pombo
Representative Rick Renzi
Representative John Sweeney
Representative Charles Taylor
Representative Curt Weldon
Representative J.D. Hayworth
Representative Don Sherwood
Representative Bob Ney
Representative Duke Cunningham
Representative Tom Reynolds
Representative Chris Cannon
Jeff Gannon
Representative Mark Foley
Representative Dennis Hastert
Senator George Allen
Senator Bill Frist
Senator Conrad Burns
Senator Rick Santorum
David Safavian
The Vice Presidential Energy Task Force
Three bucks a gallon
Record oil company profits
Anwar Pipeline
Anbar Province
Arthur Anderson
Global Crossing
Global Warming
Global Boiling
Adam Kidan
Timothy Flanigan
Ralph Reed
Harriet Miers
The Supreme Court
John Bolton
Florida, 2000
Ohio, 2004
North Korea
Stem Cell Research
Scooter Libby
Valerie Plame
Golden Parachutes
Shrunken Pensions
Bernie Kerik
Eminent Domain
Social Security
Habeas Corpus
Ahmad Chalabi
The Baghdad Museum
Tora Bora
Taliban Resurgence
Iraqi Insurgents
General Eric Shinseki
General Anthony Zinni
Mission Accomplished
Illegal Immigration
Intelligent Design
Kenneth Tomlinson
Claude Allen
Swift Boat Hit Squads
Ari Fleischer
Scott McClellan
Tony Snow
Ann Coulter
Expiration of Assault Weapons Ban
John Ashcroft
Alberto Gonzales
George Tenet
Paul Bremer
Paul Wolfowitz
Richard Perle
Kissinger Redux
Duck Cheney
Donald Henry Rumsfeld
Turd Blossom
And finally, the Uniter-Decider-Reader of Camus, Shakespeare and "My Pet Goat," who describes the party that successfully prosecuted two world wars as people who cut and run.

Let's add:

Colin L. Powell and his son, Michael
Elliott Abrams
John Negrponte
Douglas Feith
Michael Chertoff
Homeland Security
Stephen Cambone
Lynne Cheney
Representative Mark Foley
Speaker of the House, Dennis Hastert
Michael "Heckuva Job" Brown

'Tis a ponderous list, indeed. And growing...

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Hastert Is "Nearly Half A Thing"

The "most trusted name in news" tells me so...

Thank you, Thing.

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Guess This Guy's Network Affiliation (Psst! Easy Question)

Former TV Reporter, Police Sergeant Arrested
Bernsen To Appear In Federal Court Tuesday

-- Former KTTV-TV Channel 11 reporter Rod Bernsen was arrested by Long Beach police and the FBI in connection with allegations about inappropriate contact with a minor aboard a cruise ship, authorities said today.

A criminal complaint will be filed Tuesday morning in U.S. District Court against Bernsen, 58, a former Los Angeles Police Department sergeant.

Thom Mrozek, a spokesman for the United States Attorney's Office in Los Angeles, said he could not say what Bernsen was booked for because the complaint hasn't been filed yet, but said he was arrested after coming off a cruise ship in Long Beach on Saturday.

Crimes committed on the high seas are dealt with by federal authorities.

Laura Eimiller of the FBI said Bernsen will make an initial appearance before a federal magistrate on Tuesday at 2 p.m. in the Edward R. Roybal Federal Building and Courthouse.

Hm. Not too difficult, was it? Do you think Joe & Jane Sixpack are finally beginning to see a pattern? I mean, whenever something freaky happens, it's usually in Florida (no offense, smart people of FL), but Colorado is becoming a top contender (again, no offense, smart CO people). Women doing dastardly thing to their children usually equals evangelical/Republican, and sexual predator associated with a major news network? I automatically think of Bill O'Reilly, who works for the same network as this latest "high seas" cruising guy.

This phenomenon is called branding. And it really, really works. For example, when you see young people frolicking to snappy music at the beginning of a commercial, and you automatically think of Target stores... even though it turns out to be a Macy's ad... Target, Inc. thanks you for recognizing their "brand."

Enough said.

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Monday, October 09, 2006

It's About Time... And Time's New Cover Photo

Hey, Time editorial board! Am I supposed to be impressed that it's taken six freakin' years for this photo to grace your cover? Am I supposed to be grateful that you've finally recognized the Republican party's... um, backsided approach to governing? Six years... make that seven (including the 1999 campaign year pandering). For example:

TIME: What was the most important thing about your family legacy?

Bush: The unconditional love I got from my family liberated me. It gave me a sense of security. We were all at a church in Maine recently and the preacher asked whether anyone in the congregation had a perfect family, and the only hand that went up without hesitation was Dad's. It helped Jeb and me not be afraid of defeat.

TIME: Your family legacy surely also pushed you into politics?

Bush: Yes, my heritage is part of who I am, and that certainly included politics. But my dad didn't take me in the backyard and hit a tackling dummy to make me a great tackler, and he also didn't do things to try to make me a politician.

TIME: When did you decide you wanted to go into politics?

Bush: I've been searching my mind for that because people keep questioning that. Up to age 18 never much. I was never a member of the Young Republican Club on campus. I was apolitical. My interest in politics was the result of carrying signs for Dad. I love campaigns. My decision to run came from being concerned about what was happening. In 1978, I was concerned about things like the natural-gas regulation, so I ran for Congress. I ran for Governor because I was concerned about what was happening to education. It took sparks like that to get me to run, not just that it was expected of me.

TIME: But surely it was also because it was bred into your bones?

Bush: I don't know. That's an interesting question. Perhaps. I didn't have this life plan. I wasn't trying to turn the DKE presidency into a political career. I didn't know what I wanted to be, and I tried a variety of different things, like working in the oil industry, in campaigns, in a poverty program. You don't have to go into politics to complete a legacy.

TIME: Some say you got more from your mother than your father.

Bush: Yes, I'm more like my mom sometimes. I'm quick with a quip. Dad gives me advice when I ask him for it, my mom when I don't. She can be blunt, like me. She says what she wants. My dad's always gracious.

TIME: You were elected Governor in 1994, the year your brother Jeb lost the Florida Governor's race. How did your family feel?

Bush: On the morning of my inauguration, my mother hands me this letter from Dad with a pair of his cufflinks. He called them his most treasured possession. They were the cufflinks his dad gave to him when he went off to war in 1943. At first I didn't think about the continuity, the grandfather part. A lot was going on. The main thing I thought was that it was from my dad. He was saying he was proud of me. But later I reread the letter and thought about it. It ended with, "Now it's your turn." It was a powerful moment.

TIME: That day your father told the press, "Our heads are in Texas, but our heart is in Florida." What do you think Jeb was feeling?

Bush: I remember at the inauguration Dad wiping a tear from his face and Jeb standing behind me looking pensive. He was the one supposed to win. I'm not sure what he was thinking. I suspect he thought about what might have been, what went wrong.
Before we shut down The Way Back Machine...
Back in 1999...

Bush is the son of a man who ran four times. He knows what it means to hang up your life in the closet and pack your heart and health and conscience into a carry-on bag, and then set out for the airport and never look back. It wouldn't be much fun. He wasn't sure he was ready. And he wasn't sure the time was right.

Funny thing about timing, though. It turns out that this may be the perfect time for a candidate with doubts. People like him without knowing much about him because he doesn't seem to want it too much. What could be more appealing, coming after a President who started running before he could walk and seemed willing to sacrifice anyone to win and hold onto the White House? And how better to reach out to voters who think the system is rotten but are too detached even to be disgusted anymore? Bush's wife Laura has the campaign slogan for the Age of Indifference: "You know, it doesn't matter," she told TIME. "If he wins, it'll be great. If he doesn't, we still have a life."
And this was your cover photo:

Way too little, Time. And way too late.

It's about timing, Time.

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Snarky Sermon on the Blog: The Pope's Sticky Limbo Situation

Pope to announce limbo does not exist

By Daniel Patrick Sheehan

To Catholics of generations past, baptism wasn't something to be deferred until a convenient time, because the souls of infants who died without it were thought to be consigned to something other than heaven. Limbo.

Not quite heaven, not nearly hell, it was regarded as a place of eternal happiness that fell just short of paradise, reserved for unbaptized children and righteous souls who lived before Christ.

It was a widespread and influential teaching for centuries. But Pope Benedict XVI is expected today to reject the concept, endorsing the conclusions of a theological commission that said unbaptized children who die before reaching the age of reason go to heaven.

St. Augustine, an influential church father, theorized the existence of limbo in the fifth century, when entry to heaven was thought to be restricted to baptized Christians. Nobody wanted to believe God would send innocent souls to hell, so the saint theorized the existence of limbo.

"I call it `Paradise Park,'" said Larry Chapp, a professor of theology at DeSales University in Center Valley, evoking a kind of gilded Disneyland as he described the concept of a haven on the fringe of heaven

OK. Sounds like a good plan for Benedict, who lead the Doctrine of the Faith (formerly known as "The Inquisition"-- yep, those guys in red with the torture tool box) and recently pissed off the entire Muslim world, doesn't it?

But, of course, I have a question:

If there's no Limbo, where did Jesus go immediately after dying on the cross if he didn't fly into Limbo and free the Old Testament patriarchs?

Oh, yeah. Benedict is only deleting the Children's Limbo from church history-- not the Limbus Patrum, the Limbo of the fathers.

I guess Benedict thinks the faithful are too stupid or too cowardly to question committee-inspired papal edicts.

Thus Endeth Today's Sermon.

Go forth today and ask yourself: Since the Church did not deem sexual abuse by its clergy a matter worthy of punishment in this world, is Benedict paving their way to heaven too?

Think about it.

I mean it, damn it!

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Saturday, October 07, 2006


Hm. Radar posted this map, which shows THAT Mark Foley's house on D ST (green) is only a hop, a skip, and a jump away from the congressional page dorm...

According to Google Maps, Foley's Washington, D.C., home on D Street is just around the corner from the dormitory where the pages are housed. The 0.2 miles separating the two buildings can be covered in approximately 25 seconds by car, according to the site's directions. The first law of real estate: location, location, location.

Holy Cow! Foley lives down the street from me. On this map, Foley's house is A, and my house is B:

I feel a field trip comin' on.

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Friday, October 06, 2006

This Week's Blog Box: "No Child's Behind Left"

My weekly column, The Blog Box, is posted above the virtual fold at Democratic Underground.com.

How low can the Republicans go between now and November 7th?

I'm afraid we ain't seen nothin' yet.

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Stay The Course, Denny ! PUHLEEEZE!

Please, Denny! Don't resign...

I have 5pm tomorrow in the HasTurd, Will Flush pool.

Better yet, Denny. Stay through the election on Nov. 7th! Please!!!

Psst! By the way, Denny... Congrats! You're this week's Backside of the Bell Curve Winner! Remember, you're only Speaker because the last Republican Speaker had to step down, you dolt.

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Denny Hastert's Blind Eye & The Boys: No Surprise To Me

I have one last thing to say about Speaker of the House, Dennis Hastert (R- IL Wrestling Coach).

Once upon a time... in one of central Illinois' many rural high schools, the wrestling coach ruled the roost and no administrator ever dared question his comings, goings, non-teaching, or abysmal disregard for safety where his students were concerned.

This "coach" was always able to arrange his PE teaching schedule so that he was free between noon and 4:00 pm... during which time he would either nap on the sofa in his office or leave school to sell real estate... and miraculously show up just in time for after-school wrestling practice roll call.

As for his "teaching" and "coaching," let's just say that there was no actual teaching or coaching going on, other than yelling "Wuss!" and "Pussy!" at the boys. He always had a student check the roll, pass out the balls, and take down the names of those artsy types who didn't like being dodgeballed into unconsciousness. "Coach" might waltz in and out during class, but not every day. And when he did, he made sure at least one administrator saw him. Clever guy. Plus, he got to wear shorts and a T-Shirt every day of the year... no expensive professional wardrobe requirement like the rest of us. (Note: if you had to find a kid for some reason during your planning period, you witnessed these circumstances when you ventured into the gym.)

When the Great Wrestling Program Scandal broke, I stupidly assumed that "Coach" might get fired. There were lots of investigations and accusations floating around that year, mainly centering around several frosh wrestlers who had been duct-taped to locker room benches and repeatedly urinated on. There were other sordid accusations... something about spanking and feces flinging, but time has erased my memory of the nasty details. Anyway, the coach, who was AWOL during these "hazing incidents" on his watch, somehow managed to escape even a simple reprimand.

So, when I see Bush troweling praise onto Denny "Coach" Hastert, I get a bad taste in my mouth.

By the way, Hastert was top dog on the IHSA wrestling circuit when the "coach" I knew was neglecting his legally-mandated in loco parentis duty to his students.

So Hastert turning a blind eye to Foley's trolling for boy toys doesn't surprise me at all. Sad.

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--