Tuesday, July 31, 2007

What I learned Today: Supreme Court Justice's Foaming At The Mouth Is "No Cause For Concern"



And to think I was ready to be concerned.

Silly me. MSNBC says there's nothing to see here, and I should just move along.

WASHINGTON - Chief Justice John Roberts suffered a seizure at his summer home in Maine on Monday, causing a fall that resulted in minor scrapes, Supreme Court spokeswoman Kathy Arberg said.

He was to remain in a hospital in Maine overnight.

Roberts, 52, was taken by ambulance to the Penobscot Bay Medical Center, where he underwent a “thorough neurological evaluation, which revealed no cause for concern,” Arberg said in a statement.

Roberts had a similar episode in 1993, she said.

However, the local (Maine) newspaper printed this...

St. George Ambulance responded to a call at about 2 p.m. Monday of a man who had fallen 5 to 10 feet and landed on a dock, hitting the back of his head. The patient was ashen and was foaming at the mouth. National news report quotes a Supreme Court spokeswoman as saying that Roberts was conscious the entire time of the incident. That spokeswoman has not returned a telephone call to the newspaper.

Question: How many people will now forego medical treatment because they believe that foaming-at-the-mouth seizures are no cause for concern?

It just gets weirder and weirder, doesn't it?



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Monday, July 30, 2007

How CNN Will Keep Republicans From Chickening Out On Their YouTube Debate


What a perfectly simple plan...

CNN has taken the clever step of getting the Florida Republican Party and Governor Charlie Crist to co-sponsor the CNN/YouTube Republican debate...Which will make it hard for the candidates to chicken out. Can't wait.

There's nothing left to say, except...






Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Snarky Sermon on the Blog: "God's Radio Station" Is For Sale


A wildly successful DC radio station can save a financially-barren Adventist college... if the college sells it.

And why, pray tell, is this particular religious radio station so successful?
WGTS, which aims at an audience of 20-to-45-year-old "soccer moms," collects about $2.5 million a year in donations from about 15,000 listeners and is, according to the Arbitron ratings service, the second-most-listened-to noncommercial religious station in the nation.

"We're heavy on music and camaraderie," Walker says, "as opposed to preaching and right-wing politics."


So what's the problem?
A new public station featuring local and global news appears to be the most likely outcome in a battle involving two big media players, a struggling college, a proud religious faith and a flock of listeners who believe they are hearing God's will. At stake is the future of WGTS (91.9 FM), a station owned by Columbia Union College, which in turn is controlled by the Seventh-Day Adventist Church.


And the bidding war commences!

Thus endeth today's sermon.

Go forth today and consider why this religious college has to sell its radio station. Hint: Here's just one of the reasons:

In early 2006, the Maryland Department of the Environment ruled that the college had illegally discharged pollutants into Sligo Creek over a 55-month period beginning in June 2002, despite repeated warnings from inspectors. Floor drains, sinks and overflows in and around the college’s physical plant are apparently connected to storm drains instead of the sewer system.


Hm. What else is going on at Columbia Union College?

And why does God need a radio station?

Think about it.

I mean it, damn it!



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Measure Your Mini Skirts, Girls! It's 1969 Again At The White House


If you dress like this, the White House will no longer let you in.


There's a cutesy yearbook photo of me on my knees, smiling, as the principal measures the length of my mini skirt. School rules dictated that skirts could be no shorter than 4 inches above the knee.

Of course, we arrived at school every day with only 4 inches of thighs showing... then we just rolled the waistband down in the restroom.

And the boys arrived at school with buttoned-down collars, shirts tucked in, and trousers (yes, trousers) creased and pressed.

No shorts. No jeans. No T-Shirts. No flip flops. No sneakers (those were for P.E. class), and no mini skirts.

And, of course, girls had to wear either dresses or skirts. No "masculine" pants allowed.

Even when the rules relaxed to include (gasp) sandals, the boys had to wear socks with them.

Fast forward to today...

Signs Around White House List Dress Code Rules

(CBS) WASHINGTON New signs are posted around the White House indicating a new strict enforcement of the dress code, the Washington Post reported Thursday. The code applies to all visitors and staff members, including tourists.

Some tourists are finding the strict clothing restrictions at the White House un-American.

The forbidden items include jeans, sneakers, mini-skirts, t-shirts, tank tops and absolutely no flip flops.

The motivation for the clothing crack-down comes from the Bush Administration who think some of those who work there and those who visit just don't dress appropriately.


Enjoy your White House visit, Folks!








Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Friday, July 27, 2007

Rosebud's A Sled, Soylent Green Is People, & Aquafina is Tap Water


Duh.


Aquafina labels to spell out source - tap water


By Martinne Geller

NEW YORK (Reuters) - PepsiCo Inc. will spell out that its Aquafina bottled water is made with tap water, a concession to the growing environmental and political opposition to the bottled water industry.

According to Corporate Accountability International, a U.S. watchdog group, the world's No. 2 beverage company will include the words "Public Water Source" on Aquafina labels.

"If this helps clarify the fact that the water originates from public sources, then it's a reasonable thing to do," said Michelle Naughton, a Pepsi-Cola North America spokeswoman.

Pepsi Chief Executive Indra Nooyi told Reuters earlier this week the company was considering such a move.


One last note: Before Rosebud was a sled, it was...

Not tap water.



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

March Of The "Morans"


Don't know what a "moran" is?

Here's one now...





Check out my weekly column to find out more about them.

And have a great weekend!


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Who Scared The S&%t Out Of Congressmen This week?


Wondering if Denny Hastert was one of those on the receiving end of this "prank?"

Naaah. He made his statement on a possible resignation before this...

Sneaky rep. may have almost caused a resignation or two

Which member of Congress was scaring the bejesus out of colleagues late Tuesday night by putting in fake reporter requests to speak to lawmakers about Deborah Jeane Palfrey, aka the D.C. Madam?

Reporters long have filled out cards in the Speaker’s Gallery to request face-time with members. An aide brings the card to the particular member on the House floor and he or she decides whether to come out and chat with the requesting scribe.

The rambunctious lawmaker filled out cards posing as a Washington Post reporter, only to watch the color drain from the faces of unsuspecting co-workers when confronted with the cards from a “journalist” writing about Hill types caught up in a scandal related to an alleged prostitution ring.

To the "rambunctious lawmaker" who pulled this prank...




Kiss noise.



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Texas Students Don't Need To Go To College Anyway


At least, that's what it sounds like, when you read that there's no longer a place for actual science in Texas' public schools. How many college entrance transcript checkers (and how many circular files) will it take to "process" all of the "We don't study science" applicants?


Creationist To Head Texas School Board

Last week, Texas Governor Rick Perry appointed Don McLeroy to head the State Board of Education. Unfortunately for Texas schoolchildren, McLeroy has, for years, fought against the teaching of fact-based science in public schools, instead casting vote after vote in favor of his religious ideology. According to a recent Austin American-Statesman editorial:

In 2001, McLeroy and a majority of the board rejected the only Advanced Placement textbook for high school environmental science because its views on global warming and other events didn’t comport with the beliefs of the board majority. The book wasn’t factual and was anti-American and anti-Christian, the majority claimed. Meanwhile, dozens of colleges and universities were using the textbook, including Baylor University, the nation’s largest Baptist college.

In 2003, McLeroy voted against approving biology textbooks that included a full-scale scientific account of evolutionary theory. The books were approved.


Truly heavy sigh.

But good news for Alabama!


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Be Afraid Of Cheese (But Wait 10 Months To Report It)


It's all "Cheese Bombs On Planes News" all the time today.

But wait!

Today, CBS reports the first inkling of a cheese bomb threat...

Baltimore, Sept. 16, 2006. A couple's checked baggage contained a plastic bag with a block of processed cheese taped to another plastic bag holding a cellular phone charger.

Behold the power of cheese... 10 months later!


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Bush Begs For Your Fear While Gonzales Gets Caught Lying To Congress


Bush and his trusty companion, Alberto Gonzales, had themselves quite a day yesterday, didn't they?

While Gonzo got caught perjuring himself multiple times, Bush read yet another speech to some soldiers about how afraid we should be of al Quaeda in Iraq. (Note: "al Quaeda in Iraq" is the new & improved reason we've been at war there for five freakin' years.)

Anyway, here's the best synopsis of Bush's speech yesterday:




It just gets weirder and weirder, doesn't it?

Oh well, when your approval rate is 25%, what've you got to lose?


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Grand Delusion: Gonzales Vows To Fix Justice Dept. Image


What kind of delusional idiot, who has lied repeatedly to congress --under oath, mind you-- and then laughs about the damage he's done to the Dept. of Justice, would dare say such a thing?

WASHINGTON (AP) - Attorney General Alberto Gonzales says he's staying at the Justice Department to try to repair its broken image, telling Congress in a statement released Monday he's troubled that politics may have played a part in hiring career federal prosecutors.

Senators already skeptical of Gonzales' ability to lead the department were preparing to hammer him about the firings of eight U.S. attorneys and conflicts between his earlier statements and the testimony of a former aide.

The attorney general's comments were included in 26 pages of prepared testimony released on the eve of his scheduled appearance before the Senate Judiciary Committee. The hearing comes during an escalating executive-privilege standoff with the White House over the firings.

This kind of delusional idiot, that's who...






Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Monday, July 23, 2007

Prison Reform? Try Choreography


Think I'm kidding?




Click here if you have trouble viewing the video.

Hm. But would Danny Kaye approve?


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Snarky Sermon on the Blog: Idle Hands & All That Jazz


Patience. Patience. Just keep watching...




Click here if you have trouble viewing YouTube videos.


Thus endeth today's sermon.

Go forth today and do something... anything... creative.

And consider the lives of those who see the devil's work in the most harmless of human endeavors.

And ask yourself this: If idle hands are the devil's playground, what then are idle minds?

Think about it.

I mean it, damn it!



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Saturday, July 21, 2007

John Kerry's Vitterlicious Limerick



"There once was a man named Vitter
Who vowed that he wasn’t a quitter
But with stories of women and all of his sinnin’
He knows his career’s in the -- oh, never mind."



Sen. John Kerry (D-MA), on Sen. David Vitter’s (R-LA) predilection for prostitutes, quoted by The Hill.





Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Friday, July 20, 2007

What's Newsworthy & What's Not


If it's Friday, it must be time for my weekly column on notable blog posts.

Enjoy!


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Thursday, July 19, 2007

It's Time To Change Cheney's Battery


You think I'm kidding?

Cheney's pacemaker needs fresh battery
Vice president to have surgery this summer to replace entire unit

WASHINGTON - Vice President Dick Cheney's routine checkup on Friday revealed no new blockages in his heart, but doctors said he needs a new battery for a special pacemaker he has in his chest, a spokeswoman said.

The battery in his implanted cardiac defibrillator is reaching its limit, said Megan McGinn, deputy press secretary for the vice president. She said doctors must replace the entire device to replace the battery, and that the surgery will be scheduled this summer at a convenient time for the vice president.

There's only one thing scarier than the words "Vice President Dick Cheney retires"...

"Bush asks his brother Jeb to replace Cheney."

And Jeb doesn't run on batteries, either.

Now, that's scary.



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Is It A Bird? Is It A Plane? Is It Falafel O'Reilly's Loofah?


Bill O'Reilly (aka Falafel, The Loofah Boy) has done it again...

This time with Miss New Jersey, no less. And on national (well, FOX) TV.



It just keeps getting weirder and weirder.


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Picture This: Vitter Under Oath


Alleged DC Madam Deborah Jeane Palfrey says she'll add Senator David Vitter to her witness list... if her case ever goes to trial.

Did you hear that, prosecutors? If.

Subpoenas carry weight

A subpoena from the defense team would likely rekindle interest in Vitter's role in the still-unfolding call-girl scandal. Legal experts say he would have little choice but to show up at court and testify.

"Bill Clinton didn't have any privilege from being deposed (in the Paula Jones lawsuit) and a U.S. senator wouldn't be able to avoid a subpoena," said Jonathan Katz, a Washington area defense attorney.

As for Vitter...

Vitter's return to Capitol Hill after a week out of the public eye was generally received warmly by his fellow Republican senators, who were willing to dismiss his behavior as a private transgression for which he has apologized.

Apparently, Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani feels the same way.

Giuliani's campaign confirmed Wednesday that Vitter remains its Southern regional chairman.

"He is still with the campaign," spokesman Elliot Bundy said.

That's some strange bedfellow, Rudolph.

But then, you always did surround yourself with weirdos. I sure hope all of those people who've donated money to you are happy.

But maybe they're all just happy hookers.


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Jeff Gannon Calls Larry Flynt A Hypocrite


Pardon me while I laugh out loud.

Yes, Gannon (Né Guckert, BushCo's gay porn escort reporter) has a blog (jeffgannon.come jeffgannon.com), but there's no need to give the guy the click. Here's the hilarious blog post:

Hustler Hypocrite Larry Flynt

Pornographer Conducts Political Smear Campaign

Pornography king Larry Flynt recently launched a crusade against Washington politicians who run for office on a ‘family values’ platform but fail to live up to the standards they espouse. The publisher of Hustler Magazine publicized reports that a telephone number registered to Louisiana Sen. David Vitter appears on a list released by alleged ‘D. C. Madam’ Deborah Jeane Palfrey. Flynt suggests that other high-ranking government officials are also implicated in extramarital hanky-panky.

Vitter issued a statement acknowledging involvement with an escort service some years ago and indicated that he had previously “asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife” during counseling. However, the Louisiana Republican’s admission and contrite remarks are insufficient according to Flynt. He said, “Unfortunately, we have too many of these guys in Congress, and I’m gonna do my part to get them out of there.”

So far, the targets Flynt’s of righteous indignation have been Republicans, two members of the Bush administration and one member of Congress. The pornographer denies a partisan vendetta against the members of the GOP, but allows, “Republicans are more fun, because they get caught so easy and live a repressed life.”

Flynt says he wants to expose the hypocrisy of politicians who advocate a virtuous lifestyle for others but conduct their own affairs by a different standard. He makes a good point - since Vitter’s rhetoric about the sanctity of marriage is a classic example of “do as I say, not as I do.” However, the elitist Washington culture is rife with hypocrisy on virtually every topic. Flynt’s own hypocrisy should not be overlooked simply because he points to someone else’s indefensible acts. Consider the absurdity of Larry Flynt lecturing about the moral failures of others.

Flynt is a purveyor of filth who would castigate otherwise honorable men seduced by the provocative images he is responsible for bringing into public view. The Devil works that way, too putting temptation in the path of men only to claim victory when they succumb to it. Flynt publicly reminded Vitter of his sins even though he confessed them long ago. The Devil does that, too. The name “Satan” comes from the Hebrew word meaning “the accuser.”

Strict adherence to a moral code is not an easy task in the modern world. Many who know the difference between right and wrong and even some who preach about it to others sometimes fall short. The sensational scandals of the recent past remind us that we are all one misstep from stumbling. My own experience is evidence of that.

The phrase “hate the sin, love the sinner” embodies a basic Christian tenet that reflects God’s affection for His children. God wants us to be saved from lives of sin and instructs us to repent for our transgressions and receive forgiveness. In contemporary discourse, Christians who speak about that which God considers sinful behavior are often characterized as “hateful” and “mean-spirited.”

Flynt and his ilk practice the antithesis of that principle and instead “love the sin, hate the sinner.” They seize on the moral failings of public figures for use as political weapons of mass destruction. These provocateurs do not want their victims to stop living a sinful life; they want them to stop talking about what constitutes a virtuous one.

Men like David Vitter can be shamed because they believe in a moral code. Conversely, those who have no moral compass cannot be ashamed of their behavior. Flynt said, “Democrats are liberal — they wear it on their sleeve. Their sex life is what it is. They don’t spend their whole life trying to cover it up.” Indeed, the smutmeister was one of President Bill Clinton’s most ardent defenders during the Monica Lewinsky scandal. He found no hypocrisy in Clinton signing the Defense of Marriage Act into law at the same time he was breaking his own sacred vows.

Flynt’s hypocrisy is holding public figures to high standards while at the same time having no standards of his own. He is critical of politicians who fall short of moral principles instead of those who have none at all. Flynt’s foray into this debate about morality and politics is crass partisan opportunism. He said it himself, “Payback’s a bitch.”

Eeeeeeeeew.

I need a shower after reading that.



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

If Larry Flynt is "shocked," I'm gobsmacked!


Larry Flynt told Larry King that one of the (US Senator) names on his list of 30 Capitol Hill hypocrites "shocked him."

Watch the video:




Having trouble viewing YouTube videos?

Here's the transcript.

Not shocking: Vitter lied again.

Also not shocking: the corporate media must not have found any Dems on the DC Madam's phone list because they're trying to ignore this story completely.

Hypocrisy is today's vocabulary word, y'all. So who's the "shocking" senator?




Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

The Campaign Ad David Vitter Doesn't Want You To See




Tasteless? Sure it is.

But no more tasteless than Mrs. Vitter's slinky leopard print in broad daylight...





Of course, Vera Wang is weeping.


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Monday, July 16, 2007

The GOP & The Heartbreak Of Sophophobia


Today's Word: Sophophobia

Sophophobia- The Fear Of Learning

Effective Treatment: Neuro Reprogramming



What Is Neuro Reprogramming?

Neuro Reprogramming is a new form of hypnotherapy which is achieving amazing results. Old distructive patterns of behaviour or thinking are altered, producing a dramatic transformation. If you are looking to overcome an addiction, such as smoking, drinking or drugs, lose weight or improve your life in some other way, then get in touch today.
Described as "hypnotherapy for the 21st Century", Neuro Reprogramming combines the best principles of hypnotherapy with the very latest technology and brainwave therapy, resulting in truly astounding results.
Neuro Reprogramming is a painless, drug free, non invasive therapy that synchronises your brain waves and addresses both your conscious and subconscious minds simultaneously. All you have to do is sit down and relax, the whole process takes about an hour and a half.
























































GOP Lifestyle
Poll

If you could change
one thing about your GOP self,   right now, what would
it be?








Disclaimer: Of Course, I manipulated the poll's code for this post. Duh.



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Snarky Sermon on the Blog: Good Enough For Jesus


Never mind what was good enough for Paul & Silas...

If English was good enough for Jesus...




Hm. I wonder where the van owner got that idea?




And don't even get me started on the spelling!

Thus endeth today's sermon.

Go forth today, knowing that some people crave that old time religion, and some people hide behind their native languages because... well, they like feeling superior to others...to anyone. For any reason they can think of.

But most of the time, they just look stupid.

Think about it.

I mean it, damn it!

And now, the rest of the song...

Give Me That Old Time Religion
Lyrics by Anonymous



Give me that old time religion
Give me that old time religion
Give me that old time religion
And that's good enough for me

It was good for the Hebrew children
It was good for the Hebrew children
It was good for the Hebrew children
And that's good enough for me

It was good for Paul and Silas
It was good for Paul and Silas
It was good for Paul and Silas
And that's good enough for me

We will pray to Aphrodite
Even though she's rather flighty
And they say she wears no nightie
And that's good enough for me

We will pray with those Egyptians
Build pyramids to put our crypts in
Cover subways with inscriptions
And that's good enough for me

O-old Odin we will follow
And in fighting we will wallow
'Til we wind up in Valhalla
And that's good enough for me

Let me follow dear old Buddha
For there is nobody cuter
He comes in plaster, wood, or pewter
And that's good enough for me

We will pray with Zarathustra
Pray just like we use ta
I'm a Zarathustra booster
And that's good enough for me

We will pray with those old Druids
They drink fermented fluids
Waltzing naked thru the woo-ids
And that's good enough for me

Hare Krishna gets a laugh on
When he sees me dressed in saffron
With my hair that's only half on
And that's good enough for me

I'll arise at early morning
When the sun gives me the warning
That the solar age is dawning
And that's good enough for me





Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Vitter's Allies: Vitter Needs A Little "Pampering"



According to ABC News, allies of serial prostitute-soliciting John/ escort client, US Senator David Vitter (R-LA), plan to help him "regain some of his luster" when Vitter returns to the senate next Tuesday.

Sen. Jim DeMint, R-S.C.:

"It's a huge moral failure that reflects on the whole body. And for that he's very sorry."

Rep. Richard Baker, R-La.:

"The past conduct that Sen. Vitter has acknowledged and taken responsibility for is serious and disappointing, but it does not define the whole of the man, and it is not irredeemable."

Roger Villere, chairman of the Louisiana Republican Party:

...said Friday he had tried to get in touch with Vitter without success. Villere said he'd been inundated with e-mails from Republicans, most of them supporting Vitter.

In case you'd like these Vitter allies to comment on reports of Vitter's diaper fetish...

Sen. Jim DeMint, R-S.C.

Charleston
112 Custom House
200 East Bay St
Charleston, SC 29401
P: 843-727-4525
F: 843-722-4923

Columbia
1901 Main St
Suite 1475
Columbia, SC 29201
P: 803-771-6112
F: 803-771-6455

Greenville
105 North Spring St
Suite 109
Greenville, SC 29601
P: 864-233-5366
F: 864-271-8901

Washington, D.C.
340 Russell
United States Senate
Washington, DC 20510
P: 202-224-6121
F: 202-228-5143

EMAIL DeMint.

Rep. Richard Baker, R-La.

Washington DC Office:
Congressman Richard Baker
341 Cannon House Office Building
Washington DC 20515
Phone: 202-225-3901
Fax: 202-225-7313

Internet:
Web: http://baker.house.gov/
E-mail: E-mail Richard by clicking here

Baton Rouge Office:
Congressman Richard Baker
5555 Hilton Avenue, Suite 100
Baton Rouge, LA 70808
Phone: 225-929-7711 or toll-free (in La. only) 800-892-1253
Fax: 225-929-7688

Roger Villere, chairman of the Louisiana Republican Party

Republican Party of Louisiana

11440 N. Lake Sherwood
Suite A
Baton Rouge, LA 70816
225.928.2998 (office)
225.408.2798 (fax)

(Note: The LA GOP has no email contact option)

If responses from these... um, gentlemen are less than adequate, you can always send them some free diapers to pass along to their trusted friend, Vitter.

That should get their attention.


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Friday, July 13, 2007

Would You Vote For Vitter Again? Depends.





Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

20,400 Google Hits For Vitter's Diaper Fetish & Corporate Media Crickets Chirp


If you thought a sitting senator with a diaper-wearing fetish could cause the corporate media to out-do their non-stop blue dress coverage, think again.

According to one of his madams, Senator David Vitter has a diaper fetish.

The Republicans' defense? Vitter wasn't a senator yet when he hired the hookers.

Ahem.

He was a US Representative.

Wearing diapers while paying as much for fetish-based sex as John Edwards' campaign paid for haircuts.

But the media crickets are still chirping.

Any questions?



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Be Confused! Be Very Confused! (And AFRAID!)


As Deepthroat said, "These guys aren't very bright."

So, when BushCo needed a diversion this week from...

Showdown Looms Over Fired Prosecutors


and


Flynt claims he's investigating sexual activities of lawmakers


and

New U.S. intelligence assessment casts doubts on Bush's Iraq policy...

Here's what BushCo did. They sent out Michael Chertoff to say something. Anything.

So, Chertoff talked about his "gut feeling" that we'll be attacked again sometime soon.

Here's the confusing part. On July 11, Chertoff said:

'We are safe,' Homeland Security chief says
With no plans to raise terror alert level, Chertoff encourages vigilance


Yesterday, however... Chertoff's "gut feeling" crap probably sent shock waves through the travel & tourism, stock market investment, and many more US economic sectors.

This morning, Chertoff was on every major news program to discuss his gut and the new & improved al-Qaida threat crap, despite this:

Terror threat downplayed
White House backs off Chertoff's 'gut feeling' on summertime risk


Confused yet?

Wait. There's more.

Report: al-Qaida Has Regained Strength


White House: No 'credible intelligence' of summer terrorism threat against the U.S.


Fasten your seatbelts. And be confused. Be very confused! I have a gut feeling that these guys are getting desperate.


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Our Man Flynt: Today's Sex Report News Conference


Hustler Mag's publisher/first amendment champion Larry Flynt will hold a press conference today at 5 pm, at which time we all may feel a sense of 1998 déjà vu.

Yep, those holier-than-thou types whose phone numbers are on the DC Madam's list are probably on pins & needles about now.

Of course, there could be some Dems on that list, but they don't pretend to be morally superior to you and to me, do they? (Unless we're talking about Holy Joe Lieberman... Now that would be interesting. Naaah.)

5pm.

To quote Willy Wonka: The suspense is killing me. I hope it lasts.

Pass the popcorn.


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Vitter (R, LA) Puts The "Tit" in "Sanctity"


Gay marriage hater/DC Madam client David Vitter (R, LA) had this to say about his "youthful indiscretion":

"This was a very serious sin in my past for which I am, of course, completely responsible," Vitter said in the statement. "Several years ago, I asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife in confession and marriage counseling. Out of respect for my family, I will keep my discussion of the matter there — with God and them. But I certainly offer my deep and sincere apologies to all I have disappointed and let down in any way."

Pardon me while I puke.

"Several years ago," Vitter was a US Representative (1999-2004).

In case you don't know Vitter...

New Orleans Wasn't As Bad As You Thought It Was!

In the wake of 2005's Hurricane Katrina, while New Orleans' flood levels were still rising in all areas, Vitter made an inaccurate statement that received notable media attention.

"In the metropolitan area in general, in the huge majority of areas, it's not rising at all. It's the same or it may be lowering slightly. In some parts of New Orleans, because of the 17th Street breach, it may be rising and that seemed to be the case in parts of downtown. I don't want to alarm everybody that, you know, New Orleans is filling up like a bowl. That's just not happening," said Vitter on August 30.

Gay Marriage Is Worse Than Katrina?
In June 2006, in line with several of his Republican colleagues in the Senate, Vitter came out strongly in favor of amending the U.S. Constitution to ban same sex marriages. He said, "I don't believe there's any issue that's more important than this one ... I think this debate is very healthy, and it's winning a lot of hearts and minds. I think we're going to show real progress."[3]

At a Lafayette Parish Republican Executive Committee luncheon, Vitter also compared gay marriage to hurricanes Katrina and Rita, stating, "It's the crossroads where Katrina meets Rita. I always knew I was against same-sex unions."

OK. If Republicans want to play the "it's a private family matter" game, it's my turn...

What will we tell the children about you, Vitter?


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Monday, July 09, 2007

Bush The Scrivener: "I urge Sara Taylor to prefer not to"


You and I know that George W. Bookhater hasn't read Bartleby The Scrivener, but he certainly sounds like he has...

As Steve Benen points out:

...the White House simply prefers that Taylor ignore a congressional subpoena. The letter from Taylor's lawyer explains that the White House has effectively given her an order not to cooperate.

What else could these clowns come up with to make themselves look dumber than doorknobs?

Oh, yeah. I forgot...

"This latest stonewalling attempt raises troubling questions about what the White House is trying to hide by refusing to turn over evidence it was willing to provide months ago, as long as the information was shared in secret with no opportunity for Congress to pursue the matter further," Leahy said through a spokeswoman.

Now that's just Pure-D dumb.



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Snarky Sermon on the Blog: God's Press Conference


What if God were one of us?

No, not a stranger on a bus. He's God.

Just the guy in charge, taking questions from the people...





Everyone "defines" God according to his/her own religious education upbringing, right?

And, somehow, God manages to have an answer to every question, right?

So fill in those quote bubbles yourself, and see what happens.

Thus endeth today's sermon.

Go forth today, knowing that some people believe in a benevolent God.

And some people believe in the God of hellfire and brimstone.

Think about your "definition" of God today and live your life accordingly.

I mean it, damn it!



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Saturday, July 07, 2007

DC Radio To O'Reilly: Take Your Loofah & Shove It!


Cue the canned laughter machine.


We won't have Bill O'Reilly to kick around anymore in DC.

The man and his loofah got canned by WJFK,106.7 FM this week.

Free at last, y'all!





Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Friday, July 06, 2007

DC Madam's List Injunction Lifted: S*#t, Meet Fan


Just in time for George W.'s Birthday!

Exclusive: Judge lifts injunction on 'DC Madam' phone records

By Lori Price 05 Jul 2007

An email was sent from Jeane Palfrey to Citizens For Legitimate Government

'...Judge Kessler has lifted the injunction on the phone records.' From Judge Kessler's Order: Defendant in this case possesses a list of telephone numbers (the "List") that has generated much controversy and speculation. The Government has twice applied to this Court ex parte for Temporary Restraining Orders ("TROs") preventing Defendant from selling the List or from distributing copies for free. The Court granted those applications, in order to preserve the status quo, and, therefore, held a hearing to give Defendant an opportunity to respond. Upon consideration of all the pleadings, the applicable statutes and case law, and the oral argument, the Court concludes that Defendant's request to quash the TROs should be granted.

I asked Jeane Palfrey for a comment: "I am very, very grateful to Judge Kessler, for lifting the injunction." –Sincerely, Jeane

I don't know about you, but I can't wait for Republicans to scream, "It's just sex!"

And I hope Dems cram that Clinton era mantra, "The Rule Of Law," down their ever-lovin' throats.



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Vice President's Son Arrested (Bet You Thought This was About Gore)


I'm sure that George Herbert Walker Bush is still unhappy about his son's arrest record.

From GWB's Résumé:

At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).

AWOL from National Guard and Deserted the military during a time of war.

Refused to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.


Be careful in those glass houses, Wingnuts.

(Yes, that's Poppy in the photo.)


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Libby's Lament: Must Wait 5 Years & Show Remorse Before A Pardon


How many patriots fought and died in our American Revolution so convicted felon Scooter Libby could expose a covert agent and get special treatment by the president?

It boggle the mind, but...

Oh, those pesky Dept. of Justice rules might just get in Scooter's way!

Section 1-2.112 Standards for Considering Pardon Petitions

In general, a pardon is granted on the basis of the petitioner's demonstrated good conduct for a substantial period of time after conviction and service of sentence. The Department's regulations require a petitioner to wait a period of at least five years after conviction or release from confinement (whichever is later) before filing a pardon application (28 C.F.R. § 1.2). In determining whether a particular petitioner should be recommended for a pardon, the following are the principal factors taken into account.

1. Post-conviction conduct, character, and reputation.

An individual's demonstrated ability to lead a responsible and productive life for a significant period after conviction or release from confinement is strong evidence of rehabilitation and worthiness for pardon. The background investigation customarily conducted by the FBI in pardon cases focuses on the petitioner's financial and employment stability, responsibility toward family, reputation in the community, participation in community service, charitable or other meritorious activities and, if applicable, military record. In assessing post-conviction accomplishments, each petitioner's life circumstances are considered in their totality: it may not be appropriate or realistic to expect "extraordinary" post-conviction achievements from individuals who are less fortunately situated in terms of cultural, educational, or economic background.

2. Seriousness and relative recentness of the offense.

When an offense is very serious (e.g., a violent crime, major drug trafficking, breach of public trust, or white collar fraud involving substantial sums of money), a suitable length of time should have elapsed in order to avoid denigrating the seriousness of the offense or undermining the deterrent effect of the conviction. In the case of a prominent individual or notorious crime, the likely effect of a pardon on law enforcement interests or upon the general public should be taken into account. Victim impact may also be a relevant consideration. When an offense is very old and relatively minor, the equities may weigh more heavily in favor of forgiveness, provided the petitioner is otherwise a suitable candidate for pardon.

3. Acceptance of responsibility, remorse, and atonement.

The extent to which a petitioner has accepted responsibility for his or her criminal conduct and made restitution to its victims are important considerations. A petitioner should be genuinely desirous of forgiveness rather than vindication. While the absence of expressions of remorse should not preclude favorable consideration, a petitioner's attempt to minimize or rationalize culpability does not advance the case for pardon. In this regard, statements made in mitigation (e.g., "everybody was doing it," or "I didn't realize it was illegal") should be judged in context. Persons seeking a pardon on grounds of innocence or miscarriage of justice bear a formidable burden of persuasion.

4. Need for relief.

The purpose for which pardon is sought may influence disposition of the petition. A felony conviction may result in a wide variety of legal disabilities under state or federal law, some of which can provide persuasive grounds for recommending a pardon. For example, a specific employment-related need for pardon, such as removal of a bar to licensure or bonding, may make an otherwise marginal case sufficiently compelling to warrant a grant in aid of the individual's continuing rehabilitation. On the other hand, the absence of a specific need should not be held against an otherwise deserving applicant, who may understandably be motivated solely by a strong personal desire for a sign of forgiveness.

So...

Libby will be able to begin his pardon petition process 5 years from yesterday. Just in time for another presidential election year.

If he keeps his wingnut nose clean and shows genuine remorse.

Fat chance.

Want to bet that Bush ignores his own DOJ rules for pardoning Scooter?



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

George W. Must Be Giggling: No "Pardon" In The Headlines, Just A "Get Out Of Jail" Card

You know in your heart that the goal was to keep the word "pardon" out of the headlines...

So today's word is "Commutation."
From the DOJ Manual on pardons and commutation:

Section 1-2.113 Standards for Considering Commutation Petitions

A commutation of sentence reduces the period of incarceration; it does not imply forgiveness of the underlying offense, but simply remits a portion of the punishment. It has no effect upon the underlying conviction and does not necessarily reflect upon the fairness of the sentence originally imposed. Requests for commutation generally are not accepted unless and until a person has begun serving that sentence. Nor are commutation requests generally accepted from persons who are presently challenging their convictions or sentences through appeal or other court proceeding.

A commutation of sentence reduces the period of incarceration; it does not imply forgiveness of the underlying offense, but simply remits a portion of the punishment. It has no effect upon the underlying conviction and does not necessarily reflect upon the fairness of the sentence originally imposed. Requests for commutation generally are not accepted unless and until a person has begun serving that sentence. Nor are commutation requests generally accepted from persons who are presently challenging their convictions or sentences through appeal or other court proceeding.

The President may commute a sentence to time served or he may reduce a sentence, either merely for the purpose of advancing an inmate's parole eligibility or to achieve the inmate's release after a specified period of time. Commutation may be granted upon conditions similar to those imposed pursuant to parole or supervised release or, in the case of an alien, upon condition of deportation.

Generally, commutation of sentence is an extraordinary remedy that is rarely granted. Appropriate grounds for considering commutation have traditionally included disparity or undue severity of sentence, critical illness or old age, and meritorious service rendered to the government by the petitioner, e.g., cooperation with investigative or prosecutive efforts that has not been adequately rewarded by other official action. A combination of these and/or other equitable factors may also provide a basis for recommending commutation in the context of a particular case.

The amount of time already served and the availability of other remedies (such as parole) are taken into account in deciding whether to recommend clemency. The possibility that the Department itself could accomplish the same result by petitioning the sentencing court, through a motion to reward substantial assistance under Rule 35 of the Federal Rules of Criminal Procedure, a motion for modification or remission of fine under 18 U.S.C. § 3573, or a request for compassionate relief under 18 U.S.C. § 3582(c)(1), will also bear on the decision whether to recommend Presidential intervention in the form of clemency. When a commutation request is based on the serious illness of the petitioner, transmission of the United States Attorney's response by facsimile in advance of mailing the original is always appreciated.

When a petitioner seeks remission of fine or restitution, the ability to pay and any good faith efforts to discharge the obligation are important considerations. Petitioners for remission also should demonstrate satisfactory post-conviction conduct.

On January 21, 1977, the President by Proclamation 4483 granted pardon to persons who committed non-violent violations of the Selective Service Act between August 4, 1964 and March 28, 1973 and who were not Selective Service employees. Although a person who comes within the described class was immediately pardoned by the proclamation, the Pardon Attorney issues certificates of pardon to those within the class who were actually convicted of a draft violation and who make written application to the Department on official forms. When these applications are received by the Pardon Attorney, they are forwarded to the United States Attorney for the district in which the applicant was convicted to verify the facts of the case. The verification should be returned to the Pardon Attorney promptly.

Let's recap: Libby is still guilty of perjury and obstruction of justice.

Libby's appeal will go on.

Libby just gets to stay home.

And Republicans running for office get to defend Bush's piss poor "commutation" decision every damned day.

And Bush & Cheney just made themselves look mighty damned guilty of not wanting Libby to cooperate with investigators.



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--