Friday, October 31, 2008

Hallowe'en... It's All About The Children











Click the play arrow and see how many creepy film children you can identify in the montage...





Happy Hallowe'en to all past, present, and future Trick-Or-Treaters!








Number of days since Donna Brazile promised to leave the party if superdelegates decided the Dem nominee:







Donna has known for a long time now that superdelegates would be necessary for any Dem candidate to win the nomination this year. Ask Donna when she intends to keep her promise.
Don't hold your breath awaiting a reply.


Here's Donna now...



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)




Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- and and

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Finally! Actual, Honest To God, Journalism


Of course, it's too little, too late...


Just to throw a number out: He (Obama) has raised well over $600 million since the start of his campaign, close to what George Bush and John Kerry raised combined in 2004.

Without question, Obama has set the bar at new height with a truly staggering sum of cash. And that is why as we approach this November, it is worth reminding ourselves what Barack Obama said last November.

One year ago, he made a promise. He pledged to accept public financing and to work with the Republican nominee to ensure that they both operated within those limits.

Promises. Promises.

Here's the money quote:

The Washington Post pointed out recently that the bad economy has meant a cash shortage among the 527s and that this election year they have been far less influential.

The courageous among Obama's own supporters concede this decision was really made for one reason, simply because it was to Obama's financial advantage.

On this issue today, former Sen. Bob Kerrey of Nebraska, an Obama supporter, writes in The New York Post, "a hypocrite is a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue -- who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings. And that, it seems to me, is what we are doing now."

Ouch.

By the way, did you catch Pushing Daisies last night? If not, you can find the episode at fancast.com, when they get around to uploading it. While you're there, scroll down to the list of shows and check out the original Dick Van Dyke Show pilot episode. Fun times.





Number of days since Donna Brazile promised to leave the party if superdelegates decided the Dem nominee:







Donna has known for a long time now that superdelegates would be necessary for any Dem candidate to win the nomination this year. Ask Donna when she intends to keep her promise.
Don't hold your breath awaiting a reply.


Here's Donna now...



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)




Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- and and

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Why I Didn't Watch The Debates


Here's why...



If you cut the 25 seconds of introductions and thank yous, this video would be less than 2 minutes long.

Heavy sigh.




Number of days since Donna Brazile promised to leave the party if superdelegates decided the Dem nominee:







Donna has known for a long time now that superdelegates would be necessary for any Dem candidate to win the nomination this year. Ask Donna when she intends to keep her promise.
Don't hold your breath awaiting a reply.


Here's Donna now...



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)




Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- and and

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Decisions, Decisions: Pushing Daisies or The Obama Show?


The facts are these:

Presidential post pursuer, Barack H. Obama, is spending millions of donor dollars to buy a half hour TV slot during prime time this Wednesday evening; The One-ness that is Obama, however, has decided not to purchase that terrifically timely time slot from ABC, thus leaving the nether-network free to air its usual program, Pushing Daisies.

Thank you, Obama, for leaving my precious onomatopeotic program alone... while you star in Barack H. Obama's FDR Fireside Chat 2.0 with the hard-earned dollars of your delusional, devoted donors.

For, you see, Ellen Greene might sing, and I'd hate to miss that. Or Swoosie Kurtz might belch. Or someone might push Kristin Chenoweth down a flight of stairs. I'd really hate to miss that.





Number of days since Donna Brazile promised to leave the party if superdelegates decided the Dem nominee:







Donna has known for a long time now that superdelegates would be necessary for any Dem candidate to win the nomination this year. Ask Donna when she intends to keep her promise.
Don't hold your breath awaiting a reply.


Here's Donna now...



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)




Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- and and

Monday, October 27, 2008

I Love Tests!





There are lots more tests, games and random fun things to do at this site. scroll down past the Blogger Spelling Test and waste some time.

Note: Skip the sign up crap and click on No Thanks, Take Me To My Test Results.





Number of days since Donna Brazile promised to leave the party if superdelegates decided the Dem nominee:







Donna has known for a long time now that superdelegates would be necessary for any Dem candidate to win the nomination this year. Ask Donna when she intends to keep her promise.
Don't hold your breath awaiting a reply.


Here's Donna now...



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)




Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- and and

Amazon Scrubs "Terrorist Costume" Obama Mask Page


... Praise be to Google cache and screencap technology!




Check out The Los Angeles Times' blog for the details.






Number of days since Donna Brazile promised to leave the party if superdelegates decided the Dem nominee:







Donna has known for a long time now that superdelegates would be necessary for any Dem candidate to win the nomination this year. Ask Donna when she intends to keep her promise.
Don't hold your breath awaiting a reply.


Here's Donna now...



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)




Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- and and

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Today's Sermon: Fear Not!


Here are just 3 examples of fears your atheist friends don't have to worry about:


The fear of powerful women...





The fear of supernatural toast...




As you can see, it's just toast.

The fear of those dreaded knocks at the door...




OK, that fear is real, for you'll never be visited by proselitizing atheists... just religious soul collectors. But atheists don't fear other atheists appearing at the door during dinner, do they?

Thus endeth today's sermon.

Go forth today and consider your fears and the fears of others.

What is the source of your fear?

just think about it.

I mean it, damn it!


"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)




Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- and and

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Silly Saturday: OK, But Is It Really Art?


There's this (cough) "artist" (cough) named Levi van Veluw, who sometimes glues stuff to his head, sometimes draws on his head and neck with a ballpoint pen, and sometimes pours crap over his head... then takes a picture of himself...




Hm. A trip to Michael's for some moss, tacky glue, and model train accessories... and you, too, can be an "artist" like Levi.

Here's another...




Got a ballpoint pen and a mirror? Get busy!

Last, but not least...




Pour two flavors of yogurt over your head, snap a pic, and call it (cough) "art" (cough).

The saddest part about Levi's "art": he's won more photography awards than "art" awards.

Have a Silly Saturday! And don't forget to call whatever you do today ...art.




Number of days since Donna Brazile promised to leave the party if superdelegates decided the Dem nominee:







Donna has known for a long time now that superdelegates would be necessary for any Dem candidate to win the nomination this year. Ask Donna when she intends to keep her promise.
Don't hold your breath awaiting a reply.


Here's Donna now...



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)




Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- and and

Friday, October 24, 2008

Election 2008 (aka Jerry Springer, Eat Your Heart Out!)



We knew something was coming.

It's October, after all.

And what goes better with October in an election year than a big ol' steaming bowl of... SURPRISE?

OBAMA'S TRUE PARENTAGE: IS BARACK OBAMA REALLY THE BIOLOGICAL SON OF FRANK MARSHALL DAVIS?

IF THE LEFT CAN SAY THAT TRIG IS NOT SARAH'S BABY - (MORE ANTI-PALIN MADNESS HERE, AND A ROUND-UP ON SULLIVAN'S INSANITY HERE), THEN THIS HYPOTHESIS IS POSSIBLE TOO - AFTER ALL, TURNABOUT IS FAIR PLAY:

QUESTION: WHO IS OBAMA'S REAL FATHER?

LOOK AT THE PICTURES:





AND TELL ME WHO LOOKS MORE LIKE BARRY OBAMA:

* THE GUY TO THE LEFT OF OBAMA - FRANK MARSHALL DAVIS - (A COMMUNIST FROM CHICAGO WHO WAS FRIENDS WITH THE DUNHAM FAMILY)...

* OR THE MAN BELOW BARRY OBAMA JUNIOR - THE KENYAN BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA SENIOR???

If that's not Jerry Springerlicious enough for you...

There are also several nude photos (supposedly, it's Obama's mama) going viral this morning.

Today's lesson: When you refuse to answer questions, get ready for wild speculation, Senator O.

Pass the popcorn.




Number of days since Donna Brazile promised to leave the party if superdelegates decided the Dem nominee:







Donna has known for a long time now that superdelegates would be necessary for any Dem candidate to win the nomination this year. Ask Donna when she intends to keep her promise.
Don't hold your breath awaiting a reply.


Here's Donna now...



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)




Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- and and

Thursday, October 23, 2008

It's One Of Those Days...


Today is flu shot/ blood drawing at the Dr.'s office (where you have to wait --fasting, of course-- for the lab techs to arrive because the traffic is backed up for miles)/ general get crap over with day.

Not one of my favorite days of the year. Tape and cotton balls on both arms, ravenous for eggs, and suffering from caffeine withdrawal...

It's just one of those days.

Fortunately for me, here's America's most perfect woman having a much worse time...




At least, my day is all uphill from here. Poor Martha is probably slogging through more of those ridiculous segments.

Oh, BTW: The presidential race is tightening, and the latest poll even included cell phone users.




Number of days since Donna Brazile promised to leave the party if superdelegates decided the Dem nominee:







Donna has known for a long time now that superdelegates would be necessary for any Dem candidate to win the nomination this year. Ask Donna when she intends to keep her promise.
Don't hold your breath awaiting a reply.


Here's Donna now...



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)




Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- and and

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Doom, Gloom, & Death Threats



I tried to discuss Joe Biden's truly weird "Mark my words, bad things are coming, and you'll think Obama is making the wrong decisions, but TRUST US and make your friends and neighbors do the same" speech last night. Not only did I get my head chewed off, I was accused of being a McCain supporter.

And that's just inside my own home, mind you.

While I've never been a Roger Simon fan, I noticed this morning that he's observing the same weird Obot behavior:


Democrats' gloom deepens


The Democrats are poised on the brink of victory. And they cannot stand it. The news is too good. Something has to go wrong.

On Saturday, Charlie Cook, an independent analyst and author of the Cook Report, wrote: “This election isn’t over, but it is looking very bad for Republicans — and seems to be getting worse.”

This plunged the Democrats into a deep gloom. Good news is always bad news for them. --snip--

Awful news. Obama has a money problem. And you know what it is? He might run out of time to spend all the money he has! Election Day might come and go before Obama can spend the $5 million a day he is now raising. (If this does happen, I suggest he borrow a page from Oprah and buy everyone in America a Pontiac. Just as a gesture.)

Obama himself has reacted to the dismal drumbeat of good news. At a fundraising concert in Manhattan last Thursday featuring Bruce Springsteen and Billy Joel, Obama got up and said: “Don’t underestimate the capacity of Democrats to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Don’t underestimate our ability to screw it up.”

Which is the prevailing mood in the top echelons of the Democratic Party right now.

Here's the sick and twisted truth about where I stand in this election: On one hand, I'm accused of supporting John McCain; one the other hand, someone named "Bloody Bill" posted this comment on my blog:




(Click image to enlarge)


Doom, gloom, and death threats.

Time for breakfast.




Number of days since Donna Brazile promised to leave the party if superdelegates decided the Dem nominee:







Donna has known for a long time now that superdelegates would be necessary for any Dem candidate to win the nomination this year. Ask Donna when she intends to keep her promise.
Don't hold your breath awaiting a reply.


Here's Donna now...



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)




Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- and and

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Biden Guarantees Crisis If Obama Elected


Wow! Never though I'd create that headline.

Because I live a few short blocks from the US Capitol, my take on Biden's truly weird Cassandra prediction might differ from yours.

What do you think Biden meant by this?

"Mark my words," the Democratic vice presidential nominee warned at the second of his two Seattle fundraisers Sunday. "It will not be six months before the world tests Barack Obama like they did John Kennedy. The world is looking. We're about to elect a brilliant 47-year-old senator president of the United States of America. Remember I said it standing here if you don't remember anything else I said. Watch, we're gonna have an international crisis, a generated crisis, to test the mettle of this guy."

"I can give you at least four or five scenarios from where it might originate," Biden said to Emerald City supporters, mentioning the Middle East and Russia as possibilities. "And he's gonna need help. And the kind of help he's gonna need is, he's gonna need you - not financially to help him - we're gonna need you to use your influence, your influence within the community, to stand with him. Because it's not gonna be apparent initially, it's not gonna be apparent that we're right."

Hm.

Here's some more:

"This guy has it. But he's gonna need your help. Because I promise you, you all are gonna be sitting here a year from now going, 'Oh my God, why are they there in the polls? Why is the polling so down? Why is this thing so tough?' We're gonna have to make some incredibly tough decisions in the first two years. So I'm asking you now, I'm asking you now, be prepared to stick with us. Remember the faith you had at this point because you're going to have to reinforce us."

"There are gonna be a lot of you who want to go, 'Whoa, wait a minute, yo, whoa, whoa, I don't know about that decision'," Biden continued. "Because if you think the decision is sound when they're made, which I believe you will when they're made, they're not likely to be as popular as they are sound. Because if they're popular, they're probably not sound."

Biden emphasized that the mountainous Afghanistan-Pakistan border is of particular concern, with Osama bin Laden "alive and well" and Pakistan "bristling with nuclear weapons."


Some of the scariest parts:

"And he's gonna need help."

"And the kind of help he's gonna need is, he's gonna need you - not financially to help him - we're gonna need you to use your influence, your influence within the community, to stand with him."

"Because it's not gonna be apparent initially, it's not gonna be apparent that we're right."

Right about what, Joe?

Reinstating the draft?

Some kind of Israel v Iran/ Iran v Israel bloodbath?

Another 9/11 type attack on US soil? (Like, in my neighborhood?)

Using limited nukes against Pakistan?

Creating a new alliance with Chavez & Friends and replacing the dollar with Ameros?

Raising taxes a zillion percent?

What gives, Biden?

Spit it out, Joe!

Here's the weirdest part:

"I probably shouldn't have said all this because it dawned on me that the press is here," he joked.

He joked?

This crap is funny, Joe?

Is this whole "Be Afraid, But Trust Us" speech just another Biden/ Emily Litella "Never Mind" moment?

Or is Joe Biden, himself, The October Surprise?




Number of days since Donna Brazile promised to leave the party if superdelegates decided the Dem nominee:







Donna has known for a long time now that superdelegates would be necessary for any Dem candidate to win the nomination this year. Ask Donna when she intends to keep her promise.
Don't hold your breath awaiting a reply.


Here's Donna now...



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)




Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- and and

Monday, October 20, 2008

The Republicans' Favorite Fixer Endorses Obama


Yeah... that guy.

The one who lied to the United Nations while holding a vile of... whatever it was... and claimed that Iraqis could kill us all in about 45 minutes.

Remember him?

Not an endorsement I'd like to get.

How about you?








Number of days since Donna Brazile promised to leave the party if superdelegates decided the Dem nominee:







Donna has known for a long time now that superdelegates would be necessary for any Dem candidate to win the nomination this year. Ask Donna when she intends to keep her promise.
Don't hold your breath awaiting a reply.


Here's Donna now...



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)




Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- and and

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Today's Sermon: It's Not Your Fault!


Seriously.

Number of marriages: 2,230,000

Marriage rate: 7.5 per 1,000 total population

Divorce rate: 3.6 per 1,000 population (46 reporting States and D.C.)


When your marriage (like approximately 50% of all marriages) ended in divorce, it wasn't your fault.

And it wasn't the fault of your spouse.

Really.

Here's the proof:




See.

I told you it wasn't your fault.

Thus endeth today's sermon.

Go forth today, knowing that blaming random others for your own mistakes is Pure D Stupid.

And think before you blame. Try it. Just once.

And stop looking for this icon:

I mean it, damn it!





Number of days since Donna Brazile promised to leave the party if superdelegates decided the Dem nominee:







Donna has known for a long time now that superdelegates would be necessary for any Dem candidate to win the nomination this year. Ask Donna when she intends to keep her promise.
Don't hold your breath awaiting a reply.


Here's Donna now...



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)




Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- and and

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Silly Saturday: Hallowe'en For Hitler & Other Costume Crimes


I can't believe I have to say this, but...

Mamas, don't let your babies be Hitler for Hallowe'en this year!




While we're at it, don't dress them up like this, either... Unless you're already saving for your child's future psychotherapy sessions:

A Cheap, fugly-smelling car freshener...




A toilet...




A victim from the film, Alien...




Tsk. Tsk.




Number of days since Donna Brazile promised to leave the party if superdelegates decided the Dem nominee:







Donna has known for a long time now that superdelegates would be necessary for any Dem candidate to win the nomination this year. Ask Donna when she intends to keep her promise.
Don't hold your breath awaiting a reply.


Here's Donna now...



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)




Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- and and

Friday, October 17, 2008

Friday Failures & The 18 Percenters


What do you get when you cross a Pew Research quiz and Failblog.org?

Some pretty scary stuff.

The Pew quiz results:

The survey, conducted April 30-June 1 among 3,612 adults ages 18 and over, found that about half of Americans (53%) knew that the Democrats have a majority in the House of Representatives, while 42% could identify the secretary of state (Condoleezza Rice). Fewer than three-in-ten (28%) could name the prime minister of Great Britain (Gordon Brown). Just 18% of the public answered all three questions correctly.

18%.

Sounds chilling, right?

Before you judge, take a look at today's failures...


fail owned pwned pictures


fail owned pwned pictures


fail owned pwned pictures


That day care disaster flyer, the free steak knives with kid cereal offer, and that (cough) delicious (cough) license plate are just 3 examples found at failblog.org today.

Now, how do you feel about a mere 18% answering all three questions correctly?

Sounds about right, doesn't it?

The really chilling part: How many of the other 82% vote?

Heavy sigh.





Number of days since Donna Brazile promised to leave the party if superdelegates decided the Dem nominee:







Donna has known for a long time now that superdelegates would be necessary for any Dem candidate to win the nomination this year. Ask Donna when she intends to keep her promise.
Don't hold your breath awaiting a reply.


Here's Donna now...



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)




Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- and and

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Rolling Stone v Obama's Big Giant Head


Creepy. Kooky. Mysteriously spooky.

Rolling Stone Magazine has finally shrunk to the standard 8 x 11 size...

Unfortunately, the photo editors forgot to shrink Obama's Big Giant Head along with the page size. (The new cover is on the left, and the previous Obama Head cover is on the right):




Hey, if RS didn't forget to shrink Obama's head, there's only one other possible explanation.

The editors decided that Obama looks just like the Eddie Murphy donkey in Shrek:




Uncanny resemblance.





Number of days since Donna Brazile promised to leave the party if superdelegates decided the Dem nominee:







Donna has known for a long time now that superdelegates would be necessary for any Dem candidate to win the nomination this year. Ask Donna when she intends to keep her promise.
Don't hold your breath awaiting a reply.


Here's Donna now...



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)




Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- and and

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Decisions, Decisions: What To Watch On TV Tonight



Of course, there's the last presidential debate... not to be confused with John Badham's "The Last Debate," which I recorded back in the day for it's snarky, snappy dialogue.

But, wait. Another train-wreck TV choice tonight is "The Real Housewives of Atlanta." Funny, they don't actually live in Atlanta, and most of them aren't even technically married. But, hey! They could be the first batch of high society wannabe women in these stupid "housewives" shows to show actual physical rage.

Last, but not least...

Tonight marks the finale of Project Runway (season 5), and my favorite (aka "Mean Girl") contestant/ designer/ reality show personality, Kenley Collins, will probably get auf'ed by Heidi Klum & Co.

Kenley's major flaw: she refuses to bow down to the judges, be intimidated by the other designers' gang-like attacks, or sit quietly in the corner and beg for more abuse.

I like her. And to those who complain about her attitude, I say...

A designer with attitude?

Whoever heard of such a thing?

No matter the viewing choice tonight, there are multiple smackdown possibilities.

Or... I might just fall asleep, like I did last night, during "The Mentalist."

Three cheers for Tylenol PM!





Number of days since Donna Brazile promised to leave the party if superdelegates decided the Dem nominee:







Donna has known for a long time now that superdelegates would be necessary for any Dem candidate to win the nomination this year. Ask Donna when she intends to keep her promise.
Don't hold your breath awaiting a reply.


Here's Donna now...



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)




Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- and and

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

It's The Stupidity, Stupid!


In 2 minutes, you'll understand exactly how stupid Obots are.

If you dare.

When asked if they supported Obama because of his "pro-life," "stay in Iraq until we finish the war" and "anti-stem cell research" stances (yes, Virginia, they were trick McCain Stance questions disguised as Obama Stance questions), here's how Obots responded...




Obviously, these Obots have never heard of Joe Biden, either.

Truly heavy sigh.




Number of days since Donna Brazile promised to leave the party if superdelegates decided the Dem nominee:







Donna has known for a long time now that superdelegates would be necessary for any Dem candidate to win the nomination this year. Ask Donna when she intends to keep her promise.
Don't hold your breath awaiting a reply.


Here's Donna now...



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)




Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- and and

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Today's Sermon: Before You Bite Into That Sandwich...


... Check the tomato slice carefully.

Because it might be Jesus.

Really.

Here's what one true believer is selling on EBay:




You guessed it.

The Jesus Tomato.

The testament of the one true Jesus Tomato owner:

After I made a salad for my family, I was shocked to see this tomato (which I refer to as my Jesus Tomato) smiling up at me. I was having a really bad day and then I saw this tomato, smiling, and I realized it must be a sign from above to let me know that everything is going to be alright! I could not eat the tomato. I washed the dill dressing from it and put it in a ziplock bag and in the freezer so that it would stay fresh, and smiling! I was going to keep the tomato but then I realized that all of us need a sign from above, even if it is in the form of a tomato.

The current EBay bid is $1.00.

Thus endeth today's sermon.

Go forth today, knowing that frozen tomato slices will become mushy when thawed and are best suited for soups and sauces.

And think about how a holy tomato slice could redefine transubstantiation... on rye, with a dollop of mayo.

Or in a delicious soup or sauce.

Just think about it.

I mean it, damn it!



Number of days since Donna Brazile promised to leave the party if superdelegates decided the Dem nominee:







Donna has known for a long time now that superdelegates would be necessary for any Dem candidate to win the nomination this year. Ask Donna when she intends to keep her promise.
Don't hold your breath awaiting a reply.


Here's Donna now...



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)




Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- and and

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Silly Saturday: The "Monk" Of Dogs


Meet Hamish, my Westie.

Like Monk, the OCD TV detective, Hamish has... issues. No, he doesn't bite or attack. He just tries to climb into your arms or hide behind your legs when he's afraid. His list of phobias is, however, legion.


Hamish has...

Acousticophobia - fear of noise

Hint: Don't make noise upstairs if Hamish is downstairs. He thinks the world is coming to an end.

Ancraophobia or Anemophobia
- fear of wind

Hint: Don't assume that Westies know the difference between wind and invisible people. (Maybe they know something we don't know, but the wind --which could actually be caused by invisible people-- is a scary thing to them.)

Ataxophobia - fear of disorder or untidiness

Hint: Don't rearrange your furniture without the Westie watching the process. Unless you're prepared for a snit of major proportion.

Atelophobia - fear of imperfection

Hint: If the water bowl is full today, it had better, by damn, be full tomorrow... or else. The same principle applies to the food bowl, where the pile of dog toys was yesterday, the time you went to bed last night, ad infinitum. This starts the minute you bring your Westie home.

Automysophobia - fear of being dirty

Hint: The pavement may just be wet, but to a Westie it might as well be flowing lava.

Cainophobia/Cainotophobia
- fear of newness, novelty

Hint: See Ataxophobia above. It's all the same to Hamish: moving furniture, a red leaf (as opposed to a yellow leaf); it just doesn't matter. If it's new, watch out.

Chromophobia/Chromatophobia - fear of colors

Hint: Especially red wheelie toys with giggling children aboard. (They might be after Hamish!)

Cyclophobia - fear of bicycles

Hint: See Chromophobia/Chromatophobia above.

Demophobia - fear of crowds

Hint: Westies are short, damn it. You walk among giants and tell me it doesn't frighten you.

Megalophobia
- fear of large things

Hint: See Demophobia above.

Neophobia - fear of anything new

Hint: Think twice before giving someone a new noisy appliance for Christmas.

Ornithophobia
- fear of birds

Hint: You can explain 'til you're blue in the face why birds are in the backyard one minute and gone the next, but it won't do any good. The same goes for crickets. If there was once a cricket, Hamish will look for it every time he goes outside... for weeks on end. In fact, we're in week 3 of the Great Cricket Hunt of '08.

Peladophobia
- fear of bald people

Hint: No hint, sorry. It's just a fact of life for Hamish. And highly embarrassing.

Rupophobia - fear of dirt

Hint: Avoid dirt like the plague. I mean it.

Sigh.

There are so many more phobias (like the fear of uneven surfaces, storm drains, blue trash bins, and small girls with tambourines), but the Westie has begun his typically ritualistic day.

Hint: He hasn't figured out that Saturday is different from Friday... and he's four years old.)

If Monk had a dog, he'd have a Westie.

Have a Silly Saturday, and don't freak out a Westie today!

Hat tip to LOTD for the inspiration!




Number of days since Donna Brazile promised to leave the party if superdelegates decided the Dem nominee:







Donna has known for a long time now that superdelegates would be necessary for any Dem candidate to win the nomination this year. Ask Donna when she intends to keep her promise.
Don't hold your breath awaiting a reply.


Here's Donna now...



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)




Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- and and