Sunday, April 03, 2005

Today's Sermon: The Physics Of Hell

Is Hell exothermic or endothermic?

If this artistic rendering of Hell is correct,
your parents wasted a fortune on orthodonture.

ex·o·ther·mic (ks-thûrmk) or ex·o·ther·mal (-ml)
  1. Of or relating to a chemical reaction during which heat is released.

en·do·ther·mic (nd-thûrmk) or en·do·ther·mal (-ml)
  1. Of or relating to a chemical reaction during which there is absorption of heat.

A thermodynamics professor assigned a single-question take home exam for his graduate students:

Is hell exothermic or endothermic?
Support your answer with a proof.

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant.

One student, however wrote the following:

First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving?

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since, there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.

So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.

Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

The student got an A on the exam. LINK

Makes perfect sense to me.


Go forth knowing that any true believer, who claims that his/her faith in religious doctrine is based on "sound science, " doesn't know his/her ass from the proverbial hole in the ground.

I mean it, damn it!


Post a Comment

<< Home