Move Over, Christmas! The Cruel War On Cupcakes Is Raging!

Behold the simple wonder that is the cupcake.

Now consider the latest attempt to "protect school children" against the evils of cupcake consumption. This is by far the lamest of all the lame attempts in the history of lame attempts, including the "duck & cover" crap many of us endured during the Cold War's heyday, to blame anything and everything (except parents) for what ails our children.

Once Just a Sweet Birthday Treat, the Cupcake Becomes a Cause

By Brigid Schulte
Washington Post Staff Writer

Once a cupcake wasn't something to think about. It was just what your mom brought to school for your birthday. But this year, as schools across the country begin enforcing new federally mandated "wellness policies," many are banning the little treats. And parents are fighting back.

When the principal at George Mason Elementary School in Alexandria explained to the PTA earlier this year that cupcakes were out, a furor erupted.

"A lot of people are really angry," said Karen Epperson, a George Mason parent. "They think this is really stupid."

Of course, it's stupid.

Blaming The Cupcake

Is it the cupcake's fault that kids are out of shape, fed tons of starchy, all-you-can-eat trough-piled lumps of artery-clogging crap
by parents, in fast food joints, and even at school?

The reason school districts are writing wellness policies is because childhood is so much different today from when boomer parents were young.

Every day, we're told: More children are dangerously overweight. More children are diabetic. More children have life-threatening allergies to everything from peanuts to wheat to milk. More children sit around watching TV and playing video games.

Or is it the historic "Don't make A Mess In The Classroom" bunch that's dooming the cupcake by creating a rift between the cupcake bakers and the non-cupcake bakers?

And, as many schools know, every classroom is divided between the cupcake-haves, the ones whose mothers dutifully lug in trays of them, and the cupcake-have-nots, whose mothers can't afford to or don't know that it's expected.

For the "Cupcake-Have-Nots":

24 Cupcakes

INGREDIENTS

* 2 cups white sugar
* 1 cup butter
* 4 eggs
* 1 tablespoon and 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
* 3 cups all-purpose flour
* 1 tablespoon and 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
* 1 cup milk

DIRECTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease and flour a 9x9 inch pan or line a muffin pan with paper liners.
2. In a medium bowl, cream together the sugar and butter. Beat in the eggs, one at a time, then stir in the vanilla. Combine flour and baking powder, add to the creamed mixture and mix well. Finally stir in the milk until batter is smooth. Pour or spoon batter into the prepared pan.
3. Bake for 30 to 40 minutes in the preheated oven. For cupcakes, bake 20 to 25 minutes. Cake is done when it springs back to the touch.

Chocolate Frosting

INGREDIENTS

* 5 1/3 tablespoons butter, softened
* 1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
* 1 pinch salt
* 3 tablespoons boiling water
* 1 1/2 cups confectioners' sugar

DIRECTIONS

1. In a large bowl, cream the butter. Add in cocoa, salt and boiling water, stirring until smooth.
2. Add powdered sugar and beat until frosting reaches a spreadable consistency. If frosting seems too thick, add water. If it seems too thin, add powdered sugar.
3. Spread on cooled cakes and cupcakes.

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.