David Letterman Explains It All For You

What Democrats Say / What Republicans Say
David Letterman

Democrats: The key to our victory will be winning crucial swing states.
Republicans: The key to our victory will be rigging the vote in crucial swing states.

Democrats: Honoring those with distinguished military records is a top priority.
Republicans: Concealing the president's military record is a top priority.

Democrats: States should decide the issue of gay marriage.
Republicans: Marriage is only between a man and a woman, or 2 really hot chicks.

Democrats: We're going to win the election in November.
Republicans: As we proved in 2000, winning doesn't mean you get the job.

Democrats: People from all races, creeds and walks of life are working together to elect Kerry.
Republicans: People from all sorts of different country clubs are working together to re-elect Bush.

Democrats: Bacon is tasty.
Republicans: Agreed.

Democrats: In retrospect, evidence did not justify war in Iraq.
Republicans: It was worth going to war to see Saddam with that crazy beard.

Democrats: John Kerry was a war hero.
Republicans: George W. Bush was a cheerleader. (Shows pic of W. in "uniform")

Democrats: Our vice presidential candidate exudes youth and vitality.
Republicans: Our vice presidential candidate exudes a strange wheezing noise when he climbs stairs.

Thanks, Dave!

I needed that after gagging on the few minutes I could stand watching Joe (Don't Ask Me About The Dead Intern In My Congressional Office And My Resignation Shortly Thereafter) Scarborough's Hate Fest on MSRNCBC!