Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Fun With Dick & The NYT

Because The NYT continues to allow Elisabeth Bumiller to share bylines with less-tarnished souls, I won't post any of today's NYT Bumiller Pro-Cheney Shenanigans.

I will, however, translate each paragraph of
the article in question:

Title: Cheney Exercising Muscle on Domestic Policies


Cheney's In Charge!

Cheney's Health Is Perfect!

Ignore Iraq; Cheney's After Your Social Security Benefits!

The Dick wants to give much more of your SS $ to investment brokers than even the slimiest Republican Congress Critter.

Pay no attention to the math!

Trust The Dick's Instinct!

The Dick's Instincts match George W.'s. (If that doesn't send chills up your spine, you should consult your physician while you can still afford to.)

The Dick wants a huge portion of SS $ to go into private accounts, and he's in favor of benefit cuts.

The Dick wants a single-rate flat tax. (Great for the wealthy; Sucky for the rest of us). If he can't get it, he'll settle for screwing the working folks as much as possible.

The Dick says he isn't in charge of economic policy, but John Snow (R, Insanity) says The Dick Helps George W. decide what to do.

The Dick is in charge. (This is getting old, folks!)

The Dick and George W. spend a ton of time together, discussing every issue.

Andy Card admits that The Dick is in charge.

The Dick is also the backroom Party Whip.

Snow (R, Insanity) says The Dick is brilliant.

The Dick is in charge of hiring and firing, but he and George W. decided to keep Snow around for a while. (They might need a scapegoat.)

The Dick has his own domestic policy staff, and he gets the last word in meetings with George W. If the Dick is interested in an issue, he takes over.

George W. doesn't like it when people say that The Dick is in charge.

Andy Card says The Dick is just a "policy player." (Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain, Dorothy!)

The Dick is in charge. After all, he's been around since 1969! (He started out in the Nixon White House. I'm sure he could shred docs with the best of them!)

Larry Lindsey says The Dick is brilliant. (Lindsey is an idiot savant!)

The Dick is behind the current Republican raid on SS $!

The Dick hopes you failed Math when you were in school!

(Here's the 411 on the SS $ Drain Plan from Josh Marshall:

"Mr. Cheney is said by associates to favor creating investment accounts into which workers could deposit 4 percent to 6 percent of their earnings that are subject to the Social Security payroll tax."

In orther (sic) words, Cheney supports putting 4 to 6 percentage points of each individual's 6.2% contribution into a private investment account and taking it out of the Social Security system.

(Just for maximum clarity, that means about 97% of the employee's payroll tax contribution, which is 6.2% of their salary up to $90,000. And it's about 48% of the total Social Security money going into the program for the given individual since the employer also kicks in another 6.2%.)

So, in other words, the initial 'partial' phase of the Social Security phase-out, turns about to be 50% phase-out. And the only money going into Social Security comes from the employer. How long do you figure that lasts?)

In 2000, The Dick successfully predicted the recession. (Ignore the fact that The Dick & George W. badmouthed the US economy throughout the prez campaign, which made citizens afraid, which made many people stop spending so much money, which also made Dems refuse to invest in a George W. world, which resulted in a mild recession. Can you spell self-fulfilling prophesy?)

The Dick enjoys effing up domestic policy more than he does foreign policy.

The Dick thought he was a better domestic policy expert than Nixon. (Remember that The Dick was a student at the time, but I forget which deferment that was.)

The Dick is a Supply-Side lover.

The Dick hates taxes. (For the rich, that is.)

The Dick thought Reagan didn't cut taxes enough.

Lawrence Kudlow meets regularly with The Dick to discuss economic policy. (Be very afraid!)

The Dick fired Paul O'Neill. (Like we didn't know that?)

The Dick didn't care that cutting taxes would make George W. look like the Wealthy Class lover that he was/is.

The Dick delivers no frills speeches. (He even shows contempt for his own stable of flying monkeys.)

The Dick's speeches are quick & dirty. No one gets face time with The Dick!

OK, let's recap:

The Dick is in charge.

Got that?

I repeat: The Dick is in charge!

So don't blame George W. for anything that goes wrong during the next four years.

Why do you suppose George W.'s handlers decided that Bumiller and her sidekick should publish these shenanigans at this particular time?

What's flowing down the pipeline?


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