Deep Thoughts About Deepthroat

The Republican Talking Points on Deepthroat make me want to vomit.

Prosecute him! He's a criminal! He was just mad because Nixon didn't give him J. Edgar's old job! He was a threat to national security! He probably wasn't Deepthroat, anyway! There was no Deepthroat; but if there was, he did a terrible, disloyal thing!

Yadayadayadayadayada.

As for the Dems...

Crickets chirp undisturbed.

Dems have had months (since Woodward announced that Deepthroat was seriously ill) to formalize an inevitable (barring some major breakthrough with interferon) response to the disclosure of Deepthroat's true identity.

After today's pitiful showing, I'm convinced that Dems "misunderestimated," once again, how low (Hello, China!) Republicans are willing to go to achieve and retain absolute power.

So here are a few Democratic Talking Points on Deepthroat:

Deepthroat, who is 91 years old, suffered a stroke recently. This man watched Richard Nixon appoint an outsider as the new FBI Director, who no doubt would have ratted out those in the agency who were not quite brainwashed yet...

Those who were still capable of separating the office of the presidency from the man.

Nixon speechwriter, Pat Buchanan, wants to prosecute W. Mark Felt for divulging national Nixon & Cronies' crimes secrets. Who died and made a Nixon speechwriter a constitutional expert?

If Nixon speechwriter, David Gergen's, lips could be pursed any tighter, they'd match his ass. Gergen is a joke... Did I mention that he was also a Nixon speechwriter?

Speaking of asses, who the hell gives a rat's ass what convicted Watergate criminal, Chuck "I make my living pimping Jesus" Colson, thinks about W. Mark Felt? Any media outlet that validates Colson by pointing a camera at him should be ashamed!

I was an undergrad when Woodstein broke the Watergate story, and I read every word written about the scandal...

No one, I repeat, no one (worthy of quoting) suggested in any mainstream media outlet at that time that Deepthroat was a traitor and/or a threat to national security. Maybe the newsletter of the Fledgling Fascist Fundie/ Klan News wrote something, but smart people laughed at them back then, as well they should have. And they should laugh these Kurrent Klowns off the air, too!

Deepthroat defined "Whistleblower" for my generation. Because of Deepthroat, the office of the Independent Council was created and put to good use...

And not just for $70 million fishing expeditions.

If you watched TV today, you would have thought Deepthroat had been labeled Public Enemy #1 back then by Republicans.

But, No. In fact, it took Republicans, themselves, to bring Nixon down. His resignation was in lieu of being found guilty of REAL high crimes and misdemeanors by the US Senate and subsequent federal indictments. Nixon was facing serious prison time with protesters, dime bag reefer smokers, wartime deserters, and poor minorities, whose "serious" crimes were stealing milk and daring to be desperate.

Deepthroat, indeed, was once a criminal. He used his FBI status to persecute war protesters (Sound familiar?), and Ronald Reagan pardoned him for his crimes (Scroll down this page for the text of W. Mark Felt's pardon) in 1981; however, Deepthroat reached a point where he, like John Dean, could no longer support Nixon's criminal activities without becoming just like them.

Why are Republican shills screaming so loudly today about prosecuting Deepthroat?

Simple.

Republicans are telling today's Deepthroats (and future Deepthroats), who may be contemplating exposing BushCo's crimes (a la W. Mark Felt), that their patriotism will not be tolerated.

Note to Dems: Stop trotting out Craig Crawford to speak for us. He's maybe one step above "Cracker" on the politically savvy food chain, and he does much more damage than he's even aware of.

Cue the Dems who were actually around when Nixon was having trouble chewing the caps off of his medicine bottles and messengering them to Alexander Haig for opening. (Read Haig's book.)

Oh, and...

Let any and all potential whistleblowers standing in the shadows of parking garages that you will do everything in your power to protect them!

Just remember, Dems. It's all about Tricky Dick Nixon and his crimes. It's not about W. Mark Felt, Ben Bradlee, or guerrilla journalism.

Don't let them suck you into a debate on Deepthroat's motives, Ben Bradlee's politics, or "Woodstein's" ambitions.

Make the Republicans define the words they spew constantly: freedom and patriotism.

And make them shut up while you're talking! It's a shame that no one ever cared enough about them to teach them any manners, but it's not your job to teach common courtesy to yahoos.