The Physics Of Guilty Urine

OK. I've heard of men calling their genitalia by name, as if individual body parts were separate beings-- capable of independent action...

But who in the world is pig ignorant enough to believe that urine is capable of "plotting" its own trajectory through an air vent and "splashing" a Qu'ran and its Gitmo Prisoner owner all by itself?

That's how the official Pentagon's quasi mea culpa (released during yesterday's famous Friday News Dump-- too late in the day for network news coverage-- and overshadowed, of course, by the anniversary of Billy Joe McAllister's famous leap from the Tallahatchee Bridge) reads.

From the first AP version...

Pentagon Confirms Quran Incident at Gitmo

By ROBERT BURNS, AP Military Writer Fri Jun 3, 7:21 PM ET

WASHINGTON - The Pentagon on Friday confirmed for the first time that a U.S. soldier deliberately kicked a Guantanamo Bay prisoner's Muslim holy book in violation of the military's rules for handling the Quran.

In other confirmed incidents, prison guards threw water balloons in a cell block, causing an unspecified number of Qurans to get wet; a guard's urine splashed on a detainee and his Quran; an interrogator stepped on a Quran during an interrogation; and a two-word obscenity was written in English on the inside cover of a Quran.

From the OOPS! That Headline Makes Us Look Bad version...

U.S. Confirms Gitmo Soldier Kicked Quran

By ROBERT BURNS, AP Military Writer Fri Jun 3, 7:39 PM ET

WASHINGTON - The Pentagon on Friday released new details about mishandling of the Quran at the Guantanamo Bay prison for terror suspects, confirming that a soldier deliberately kicked the Muslim holy book and that an interrogator stepped on a Quran and was later fired for "a pattern of unacceptable behavior."

In other confirmed incidents, water balloons thrown by prison guards caused an unspecified number of Qurans to get wet; a guard's urine came through an air vent and splashed on a detainee and his Quran; and in a confirmed but ambiguous case a two-word obscenity was written in English on the inside cover of a Quran.

Words matter.

Reporters know this.

Editors know this.

The word "Urine" can not be followed by an active verb in a news story...

Unless you're trying to pee on your readers by insulting their intelligence.


Oh, by the way...

You thought I was kidding about the "physics of urine," didn't you?

Ahem. Check out the MIT study...






Heavy, "Don't blame America! The urine is guilty" sigh.