Today's Sermon:Resolution Rag

New Year's resolutions rarely change for most people, and resolutions rarely change people, either.

But there's always hope.

These were posted on January 2, 2004, by Kevin Baldeosingh as suggested resolutions for prominent people:

Presidential resolutions: For the New Year, I hereby resolve to talk less about God's supposed favours and more about science's undoubted benefits. I must remember that this society already has too much superstition and not enough rationalism, and that I must not contribute to the former.

Political resolutions: For the New Year, I resolve not to doze on Friday afternoons, especially during my own contributions. I also resolve to speak from notes instead of written speeches, so I can at least look like I know what I'm talking about.

Religious resolutions: For the New Year, I resolve to be truly moral and not just repeat words from old books to make people think that I am. For every issue, I shall apply the two basic rules of moral logic: one, does a course of action make people better off; and, two, would I wish to be treated this way? I shall promote humane and ethical conduct, even if such conduct contradicts the words in my old book. And, if that doesn't work, I resolve to condemn everyone who doesn't obey me to Hellfire!

Judicial resolutions: For the New Year, I resolve not to be beyond reproach just because I wear a long black gown and sit on a high chair, but to actually demonstrate that I really am irreproachable.

Business resolutions: For the New Year, I resolve to stop thinking that because I am good at making money, it means that I am good at everything else. I also resolve to stop wasting money on ads that have not a hope in hell of reducing crime, or to assume that jailing poor people will prevent murders. And I resolve to stop believing that the best qualification in any field is to be white.

Journalistic resolutions: If I am an editor, I resolve not to take a job with a political party or, if I do, not claim that I am still a journalist rather than a PR hack. If I am a reporter, I resolve to check my sources, my facts, and a dictionary. If I am a columnist, I resolve to read widely, use logical arguments, and not believe that using dialect or obscure words makes me a writer.

OK. I edited the above suggestions to reflect an American perspective (instead of the original Trinidad/Tobago slant).

Plus Ça Change. . .

Thus Endeth Today's Sermon.

Go forth, eat black eyed peas for luck, give your old items to the needy (if you napped through Boxing Day), and resolve to do the right thing in 2006.

I mean it, damn it!


File this under: The more things change, the more they remain the same.