Snarky Sermon on the Blog: OK, But Did He Float?

Pastor Franck Kabele, 35, told his church congregation that he was so filled with the spirit that he could replicate Jesus' most impressive miracle...

Evangelist drowns trying to walk on water

An evangelist who tried replicating Jesus' miracle of walking on water has reportedly drowned off the western coast of Africa.

Pastor Franck Kabele, 35, told his congregation he could repeat the biblical miracle, and he attempted it from a beach in Gabon's capital of Libreville.

"He told churchgoers he'd had a revelation that if he had enough faith, he could walk on water like Jesus," an eyewitness told the Glasgow Daily Record.

"He took his congregation to the beach saying he would walk across the Komo estuary, which takes 20 minutes by boat. He walked into the water, which soon passed over his head and he never came back."

Superstition

Ordeal By Water: This superstition was frequently used to test innocence and guilt during the Dark Ages and medieval era. The accused would be immersed in a well or stream, bound tightly to ensure that he or she did not interfere with divine justice. The innocent were expected to sink, while the guilty would float. Innocent people would then be rescued — not left to drown, as is popularly portrayed — though the rescue was not always successful.

But it was OK because... you might be dead, but at least you were deemed innocent, right?

Forensic Facts

Question: Do dead bodies float?

Answer: Yes and no. Or rather no and yes. Or rather, first no, then yes, then no. A newly dead human being, or any other animal, will sink when placed in water. After the gases of decomposition build up in the chest and abdomen, however, the body will inflate, rise like a hydrogen-filled balloon, and pop to the surface, sometimes dragging with it surprisingly heavy weights that a murderer might have thought sufficient to keep it down. With the passage of time and further decomposition, however, the body cavities eventually rupture, the gas escapes, and the corpse goes down again, this time for good.

There is one notable exception: sometimes, due to air caught in the clothing, a body will stay on the surface for several hours before sinking.

Thus Endeth Today's Sermon.

Go forth today and consider why CSI: Crime Scene Investigation is the most popular TV show on the planet.

I mean it, damn it!

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.