Sunday, August 27, 2006

Snarky Sermon on the Blog:
What's On Your Bumper?

From the canonical list of Bumper Stickers (in alphabetical order):

Another dopeless hope fiend!
Atheists are Beyond Belief
Blessed by Jesus - Spoiled by my husband.
Come The Rapture Can I Have Your Car?
Don't think God has a sense of humor? Look at the platypus.
Father God created Mother Earth!
Forbidden Fruits create many Jams!
Get a taste of religion. Lick a witch.
God created Whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world.
God doesn't support Road Rage!
God gave man 2 heads and only enough blood to use one.
God I will ride with you!
God is Coming and is she PISSED
God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
God is not dead - he just couldn't find a parking place.
God is still on the throne!
God loves you! And I'm really trying.
God makes miracles, but He doesn't clean cars.
God must love stupid people, he made so many.
God protect me from your followers
God spoke, and BANG! It happened!
God was my co-pilot but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him
Heading in the wrong direction? God allows U-turns.
Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell is afraid I'll take over.
Heaven won't take me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.
Heck is a place for people who don't believe in gosh.
Honk if you are God.
How's my driving?.. Pray!
I'm against the death penalty / Look what happened to Jesus
I bet Jesus would have used HIS turn signals
I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha!
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
If God had not meant us to write on walls, he would never have given us an example.
If God intended man to smoke, He would have set him on fire.
If going to church makes you a Christian, does going to the garage make you a car?
If You Are Born Again Do You Have Two Belly Buttons ?
Jesus died for my sins and all I got was this lousy t-shirt!
Jesus has a mullet!
Jesus is coming look busy.
Jesus loves you, everyone else thinks you're an asshole
Jesus may love you, but he won't respect you in the morning.
Jesus saves, Moses invests, but only Buddha gives Dividends
JESUS SAVES... He Passes It To Gretzky... Gretzky Shoots... He Scores!
Jesus, protect me from your followers!
Lord give me patience... But Hurry!
Lord save me from your followers!
My God is alive - sorry about yours.
My Goddess Gave Birth To Your God
National Atheist's Day April 1
Neutrinos have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic!
Never drive faster than your Guardian Angel can fly.
Reincarnation is making a comeback!
Religious groups should stay out of politics; or be taxed
Sorry I missed Church, I've been studying WitchCraft and becoming a Lesbian.
Sorry I missed church, I was busy practicing witchcraft
Sudden prayers make God jump.
Take a friend to Heaven!
That was Zen. This is Tao!
The Big Bang theory: And God said 'Pulleth my Finger'
The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG it Happened.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live
The way I drive, I've gotta have Faith!
There is no God higher than Truth!
You're the reason God created the middle finger.
You are proof that God has a sense of humor.
You found God? If nobody claims him in 30 days, he's yours!

Thus Endeth Today's Sermon.

Go forth today and read the sermons on the bumper stickers. You'll learn a lot about the people who display them proudly for all to see.

But be advised: honking because you love a deity is incredibly annoying.

I mean it, damn it!

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--

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