Snarky Sermon on the Blog: Religious Solicitors Of Spring

It's that time again...

The birds are chirping, the buds blossoming, and sixpacks of Sunday-Go-To-Meeting clothed Bible bearers just rounded the corner. Front doors slam shut, curtains are drawn, and lights are offed with precision on my block. How about yours?

Lately, I've been tempted to quote Jack Nicholson when the "Please pray my baby out of purgatory"-ites appear:

"Go peddle CRAZY somewhere else. We're all full up here."

However, I think I'll start handing them copies of this...




While they're reading, I'll at least have time to run inside, slam the door, and off the lights.

Got any better ideas?

Thus Endeth Today's Sermon.

Go forth today and fear not the royal pissing off of religious solicitors. You have the right to treat them as you would an encyclopedia salesperson.

Think about it: Just because they're dressed for church and toting bibles doesn't mean you have to drop what you're doing and endure their sales pitch... For that's verily what it's all about, isn't it?

You could, of course, ask them how much it would take for them to leave your family the hell alone, but that would just get you moved to the top of their "Must Save This Soul" list.

If all else fails, think power tools.

"I mean it, damn it!"


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.