Saturday, October 11, 2008

Silly Saturday: The "Monk" Of Dogs

Meet Hamish, my Westie.

Like Monk, the OCD TV detective, Hamish has... issues. No, he doesn't bite or attack. He just tries to climb into your arms or hide behind your legs when he's afraid. His list of phobias is, however, legion.

Hamish has...

Acousticophobia - fear of noise

Hint: Don't make noise upstairs if Hamish is downstairs. He thinks the world is coming to an end.

Ancraophobia or Anemophobia
- fear of wind

Hint: Don't assume that Westies know the difference between wind and invisible people. (Maybe they know something we don't know, but the wind --which could actually be caused by invisible people-- is a scary thing to them.)

Ataxophobia - fear of disorder or untidiness

Hint: Don't rearrange your furniture without the Westie watching the process. Unless you're prepared for a snit of major proportion.

Atelophobia - fear of imperfection

Hint: If the water bowl is full today, it had better, by damn, be full tomorrow... or else. The same principle applies to the food bowl, where the pile of dog toys was yesterday, the time you went to bed last night, ad infinitum. This starts the minute you bring your Westie home.

Automysophobia - fear of being dirty

Hint: The pavement may just be wet, but to a Westie it might as well be flowing lava.

- fear of newness, novelty

Hint: See Ataxophobia above. It's all the same to Hamish: moving furniture, a red leaf (as opposed to a yellow leaf); it just doesn't matter. If it's new, watch out.

Chromophobia/Chromatophobia - fear of colors

Hint: Especially red wheelie toys with giggling children aboard. (They might be after Hamish!)

Cyclophobia - fear of bicycles

Hint: See Chromophobia/Chromatophobia above.

Demophobia - fear of crowds

Hint: Westies are short, damn it. You walk among giants and tell me it doesn't frighten you.

- fear of large things

Hint: See Demophobia above.

Neophobia - fear of anything new

Hint: Think twice before giving someone a new noisy appliance for Christmas.

- fear of birds

Hint: You can explain 'til you're blue in the face why birds are in the backyard one minute and gone the next, but it won't do any good. The same goes for crickets. If there was once a cricket, Hamish will look for it every time he goes outside... for weeks on end. In fact, we're in week 3 of the Great Cricket Hunt of '08.

- fear of bald people

Hint: No hint, sorry. It's just a fact of life for Hamish. And highly embarrassing.

Rupophobia - fear of dirt

Hint: Avoid dirt like the plague. I mean it.


There are so many more phobias (like the fear of uneven surfaces, storm drains, blue trash bins, and small girls with tambourines), but the Westie has begun his typically ritualistic day.

Hint: He hasn't figured out that Saturday is different from Friday... and he's four years old.)

If Monk had a dog, he'd have a Westie.

Have a Silly Saturday, and don't freak out a Westie today!

Hat tip to LOTD for the inspiration!

Number of days since Donna Brazile promised to leave the party if superdelegates decided the Dem nominee:

Donna has known for a long time now that superdelegates would be necessary for any Dem candidate to win the nomination this year. Ask Donna when she intends to keep her promise.
Don't hold your breath awaiting a reply.

Here's Donna now...

"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- and and


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