This Week'sBackside Of The Bell Curve Winner

Texas Senator John Cornyn





 
Senator John Cornyn (Texas, Box Turtle Hater) 

From the prepared text of Senator Cornyn's speech to the Heritage Foundation:

"It does not affect your daily life very much if your neighbor marries a box turtle. But that does not mean that it's right. ... Now you must raise your children up in a world where that union of man and box turtle is on the same legal footing as man and wife." WaPo LINK

Republicans and Box Turtles have a lot in common,
Senator Cornyn...

A box turtle/Republican may live longer than a human, all within a few acres. Human activity, particularly auto traffic, is the leading cause of death.

Any wet space--a swamp, marsh, or damp forest depression--may be an absolute essential to survival locally.

Successful nesting (reproduction) demands clear patches of warm sand, under an open sky. Keep large, isolated clearings, or sunseekers may end up in a deadly roadway.

Site conditions dictate survival for individuals and the species. Limit roads and traffic, educate neighbors, and exclude humans and other predators.

Good intentions don't help a dead turtle/Republican. Enforce a few simples rules, including all your grade school lessons: be careful, be clean, be cautious...

Box turtles/Republicans may eat anything organic, tasty to you or not. If flora or fauna are involved, it might be food. Leave places for insects and fungi to flourish. In the sun, encourage dense clusters of brambles, and let the rotted fruit fall.

Cold weather forces box turtles/Republicans under cover, or underground. Preserve areas with mature trees and soft, loose soil. Remove weedy plants, and reduce human activities. Let leafy boughs lie where they fall, and expand brush piles during the growing season. LINK

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