Monday, June 06, 2005

The Boys From Brazil Denmark

This is just so weird on so many levels...

Danish firm exports baby blue eyes

By Jamie Talan

At 5 foot 11, Arnt has straight, blond hair and blue eyes. He swims, runs, skis on water and snow, and works out. A law student, the 28-year-old describes himself as easygoing, a creative perfectionist with a good wit, an extrovert.

He's not advertising for a girlfriend. His sperm is for sale.

Arnt is one of 50 men from Denmark whose sperm sits in one of three metal vats in Manhattan, waiting for a couple or a single mother desperate for a baby. In this case, a Viking baby.

The company, Scandinavian Cryobank, has been in business in Denmark for almost 20 years. It takes credit for 10,000 babies worldwide. Two years ago, the company opened a New York office and began marketing Scandinavian sperm to infertility doctors and their patients with a sleek albeit controversial slogan: "Congratulations, it's a Viking!" Another advertisement shows a blond, blue-eyed baby and talks about his ancestors who beat Columbus to North America. "You'd better build a strong crib," the ad boasts. --snip--

The classic Danish look "tall, slender and athletic with soft facial features, light skin, a small nose, blue eyes, fair hair"— is the draw, Rodgaard said. --snip--

... At the U.S. office of Scandinavian Cryobank, parents-to-be can receive a three-page profile of any donor. They get to know a donor's resting heart rate, skin tone, hair texture, handedness, shoe size, academic history, favorite life moments, saddest moments, favorite color, eating habits and how much sleep he requires. Personality has its own section, including temperament and the quality of close relationships. A detailed health history includes, of course, genetic diseases.

Sound familiar?

What happens when these Jugend Babies grow up and figure out that they were designer purchases-- like Mom's Kate Spade purse or Dad's Bruno Magli shoes?

What happens when Mom & Dad find Aryan Boy in the kitchen, demonstrating his "flair" for the culinary arts?

Traditional Fruit Danish

And what happens when Adolf Jr. has a sudden urge to "decorate" the family Christmas tree?

Traditional Danish Santa Baby Mermaid Ornament

Nature will out.

Nature finds a way.

And there are few guarantees in the complex world of genetic variation. Blond hair and blue eyes are genetically recessive traits, so an American woman with brown hair and brown eyes will have only a 50 percent chance of having a fair-haired Viking child, even with Danish sperm. LINK

Hey, reproductively-challenged Moms & Dads!

Add "Gattaca" to your NetFlix queue before you buy that Jugend Sperm with your Visa card.

And pay attention to what happens to the designer babies in that story...

... And be careful what you wish for.

Heavy, heavy sigh.


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