Delilah Boyd: Send Elizabeth Freaking Dole Money-- <br>OR ELSE!

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Send Elizabeth Freaking Dole Money--
OR ELSE!

Blogger BlueNC received an official IRS-looking survey in the mail, demanding the completion of a survey and a donation... from Elizabeth Freaking Dole.

Some of the document's intimidating language:

Your immediate attention is required on a confidential and time-sensitive matter.

DO NOT DESTROY YOUR SURVEY! The enclosed Republican Senate Leadership Survey is an OFFICIAL REPUBLICAN PARTY DOCUMENT. Your Survey is REGISTERED IN YOUR NAME ONLY and MUST BE ACCOUNTED FOR upon completion of this project.

If you decide not to represent your local voting district in this important Republican Senate Leadership Survey - please RETURN THE SURVEY DOCUMENT - AT ONCE - IN THE ENVELOPE PROVIDED.

Yes! I want to help defend our Republican Senate Majority and build a strong foundation of Republican grassroots support for President Bush and his agenda. I am enclosing my most generous contribution of: __$500 __$250 __$100 __$50 __$25 __Other$____

No. I do not wish to participate in this vital Republican Senate Leadership Survey. however, I am returning my Survey Document, along with a generous donation to help build Republican grassroots support for President Bush and his agenda. I am enclosing a donation of: __$500 __$250 __$100 __$50 __$25 __Other$___

No. I do not wish to particiapte in the Survey, nor do I wish to make a donation to help the Republican Party. I am returning my Survey Document, along with a contribution of $11 to help cover the cost of tabulating and redistributing my Survey.

Here's the front page of the "Survey":

It's time to let Elizabeth Freaking Dole know that her direct mail campaign is the worst type of solicitation imaginable. While you're at it, remind her that she is responsible for everything her flying campaign monkeys do!

Email Elizabeth Freaking Dole.

And write a letter to your local newspaper's editor, decrying this and other Republican intimidation/ campaign tactics.

So you think you know Delilah?
Judges 16:19-- And she made him sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

2 Comments:

Granny said...: I wasn't doing too bad until I got to the $11 charge for receiving spam.

I hope the NC Republicans exit in droves.; 10:10 AM
Kathleen Callon said...: Hmmmm. I'm not contacting her. Maybe we should all join her mailing list. It costs $11 for each survey? Maybe we should order a million of them. Let her be an idiot. Let her expose her and their idiocy, and let her spend their money to offend people while they do it, I say. (Hope you're enjoying Georgia.); 1:32 PM

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From The Blog Box:

A Scrivener's Lament is officially your go-to scrivener for the next big electoral college showdown. In this case Scrivener Delilah Boyd is keeping an eye on the Electoral College of Cardinals, who Scriv thinks may at any moment be called upon to fly off to Rome (that's as in fly by airplane; only nuns can fly for real) and pick a new pope. But his Holiness is doing better, you must be thinking. Well, the Scriv ain't so sure and even has actual photographs (you'll have to scroll down a bit) of the Holy Father getting viciously attacked by (assumes Scriv) the Lord's messengers of vengeance - apparently to the delight of little children. Anyhoo, the Lament has been keeping files on top candidates for the next Bishop of Rome so that when the sad day comes, you'll know where to turn for all the horserace action. I mention this only because A Scrivener's Lament has been nominated for a Sandy Award in the Most Humorous Blog category.
At A Scrivener's Lament, Delilah Boyd offers a little sigh over the sudden announcement that the Bushies aren't gonna look for WMDs in Iraq anymore. Then the Scrivener offers a useful list of quotes from the administration hornswaggling the country - oops, I mean being sadly misled by the entire intelligence community - about the possibility of weapons stockpiles in Iraq. Maybe Delilah needs to offer to do some volunteer archiving for large media networks. Apparently NBC, CBS, & ABC's news operations are too cash strapped to afford to hire researchers to dig up obscure, unknown quotes likes these for when the yellowcake hits the fan (or in this case fails to).

Ammunition In Bill O'Reilly's War On Christmas

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th December
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m.. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a special announcement at the Party.

Merry Christmas to you and your Family.

Pauline

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th December
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas. However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party.' The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Pauline

FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th December
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only," you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?

Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management believes $10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Pauline

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 8th December
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets. Gays are allowed to sit with each other, but Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men: each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table, too.

To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed unless the Supreme Court intervenes before the 23rd.

We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!

Pauline

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 9th December
RE: The ******** Holiday Party

Vegetarian pricks! I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it; you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing the scream right NOW!!

I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drink, drive and die, Jesus-hating Scum!

Pauline (AKA "That Bitch in HR")

FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: 12th December
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and, instead, give everyone the afternoon of December 23rd off with full pay.

Scrivener Humor
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up. In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies. The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son." So, he goes down into the dark caves... ...underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot. So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall, and wailing, "We forgot the "R", we forgot the "R". His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?" With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was celebrate."

Psst! Only first-time visitors are counted, y'all!

Delilah Boyd

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Send Elizabeth Freaking Dole Money--
OR ELSE!

2 Comments:

Other Great Sites

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Delilah Boyd

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Send Elizabeth Freaking Dole Money-- OR ELSE!

2 Comments:

Other Great Sites

Previous Posts

Send Elizabeth Freaking Dole Money--
OR ELSE!