Sunday, June 25, 2006

Sermon On The Blog: Republican Claims Satan Is Ruining His Campaign

No, really. This is no joke.

Congressional Hopeful Blames Troubles On The Devil

SALT LAKE CITY Republican congressional hopeful John Jacob believes the devil is impeding his efforts to unseat five-term Representative Chris Cannon.

He says there's another force that wants to keep him from going to Washington and the devil is what it is.

Jacob says that since he decided to run for Congress, Satan has disrupted his business deals, preventing him from putting as much money into the race as he had hoped.

Jacob said during a Wednesday immigration event that the devil was working against him, then reiterated his belief yesterday in a meeting with The Salt Lake Tribune editorial board.

Hm. Is it Satan, or is it just really bad campaign decisions?

From a news story dated Dec. 3, 2005...

Jacob figures he must outspend Cannon because he is not as well known as the incumbent.

Jacob added that until a few months ago he was planning on running against U.S. Sen. Orrin Hatch next year. He said he decided against it after talking to Hatch and examining his record. But Jacob acknowledges that Hatch's $2 million war chest had something to do with that decision.

"I'd have had to spend $5 million" — much of it his own money — to offset Hatch's $2 million, Jacob said.

Rep. Cannon, with $70,000 in the bank, didn't pose that problem. In fact, said Jacob, Rep. Cannon's history of not having much cash in his campaign account has invited the various intra-party challenges he's seen the past few years.

No mention of Satan at work in that news story, was there?

Thus Endeth Today's Sermon.

Go forth today and question those who claim that Satan is holding them back. Chances are they're big fat liars.

I don't care what you believe in. I don't even care what you don't believe in. That's your business.

But you have a right to know whether or not someone is scamming you big time, especially when he there's a big damned R after his name.

I mean it, damn it!

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19--


Blogger Kathleen Callon said...

Maybe he should worry more about the fact that Satan is in the oval office...

2:49 PM  
Blogger Marshall Darts said...

No, it's true. I'm just starting his eternal punishment earlier than usual.


1:25 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home