Sunday, May 04, 2008

Today's Sermon: Onward, Christian Paintball Soldiers!

...Marching as to war,
With the cross of Jesus paintball park's rental equipment
Going on before!

Promised Land Paintball Park has special rates for church youth groups, scouts, and others, and here's how a typical special game day might look:

Exciting "Scenario Games"!
In addition to good ol' Capture The Flag games, you'll play special and unusual scenario games with a plot and a mission! A few of the scenario games we may play:

Scenario: Outlaw Island
The year is 2008 and the public is tired of paying for an out of control prison system. The answer . . . Outlaw Island. A prison paradise? No Way! Now you and your fellow inmates fight for some of the most disgusting food on the planet!

Scenario: The Nuke
The "bad guys" want to nuke the area with a "Suitcase Nuclear Bomb"! The bomb has a count-down timer visible from the outside so you can see how long you have to disarm it - just like the movies! Your Mission: Disarm "The Nuke" before you're all vaporized! Yes, we actually have a "Nuke Simulator" complete with a big electronic count down timer!

Scenario: Command & Conquer
Seven Flag Stations and huge hills and valleys on an enormous field make this the biggest and most challenging game of them all!. Capture and defend strongholds - lowering as many enemy flags as you can and raising your own in victory!

* This is a Continuous Play version with Hospitals!

Sorry, Kidz! They're sold out of your favorite weapon of choice:

The creepiest part of their website?

The waiver you have to sign before "playing" their war games.



In order to participate in paintball activities, I the undersigned agree and acknowledge that:
There is risk of injury, including a potential for permanent disability or death. resulting from any participation in paintball activities and or from the equipment involved in participation in paintball activities.
I freely assume all such risks, both known and unknown and assume full responsibility for my participation.
I have read and understand the rules of play, including all safety related rules, and agree to fully comply with the rules and safety regulations during my participation.


Kinda gives new meaning to "I'm ready to abate," doesn't it?

Thus endeth today's sermon.

Go forth today and consider the lyrics to Onward, Christian Soldiers.

It's a metaphor, not a battle plan.

Even the scary details of Revelation are described metaphorically:

The weapon employed by the Faithful and True One is that of a sword, a sharp sword, that kept on proceeding from his mouth (v. 15). This is an obvious allusion to his powerful word (cf. Heb. 4:12).

Scripture is replete with references to the incomprehensible power of the spoken word of God. No less than ten times in Genesis 1 Moses employed the verb “said” in describing the creative acts by which the universe was fashioned. Later, the Psalmist expressed it like this: “By the word of Jehovah were the heavens made, and all the host of them by the breath of his mouth. . . for he spake and it was done” (Psa. 33:6,9). In maintaining the world, the writer of Hebrews observes that the Lord Jesus upholds all things “by the word of his power” (Heb. 1:3).

And so, at the time of judgment, the Savior will wage no carnal conflict with his enemies; he will merely speak the word, and they will be banished to eternal punishment (cf. Isa. 11:4; 2 Thes. 2:8).


Just think about the mixed message kids are getting from the Promised Land Paintball Park.

I mean it, damn it!

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- and and


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