Friday, June 27, 2008

Yippee! I Kan Haz Gunz In DC... Eventually!

Legal handguns. Coming soon to my neighborhood (Capitol Hill):

1. Yes, I'll be able to own a handgun legally.

2. But I can't legally buy it (I'm a DC resident) in either Maryland or Virginia. So? Pennsylvania's super close, and so is West Virginia. And there's no sales tax in Delaware.

3. There are currently no gun stores in DC. Just illegal gun dealers. A lot of them, apparently. With the economy in such a piss poor state, I expect
GUNS Я US to open up on 8th ST any minute now.

4. I won't be able to carry the gun anywhere, which means anyone who lets anyone else know that they own a legal handgun could risk burglaries every time they leave the house. 'Cause that's where the legal gun has to be at all times, y'all.

5. And, in order to buy a legal handgun and bring it into my home eventually, I would have to register said legal handgun and pass a writing test. No problem, though. I have an undergrad degree in English.

Mayor Adrian "Hope & Change" Fenty isn't happy about the Supreme W. Court's ruling, but he's got his Chief of Police, Cathy "Checkpoint Charlie Neighborhood Barricade" Lanier working on a bunch of legal handgun restrictions for us DCers.

Wow! Just in time for the weekend...

Cathy Lanier sent out an email to residents expressing her disappointment in the ruling, reminding citizens they will have to legally register any handgun they intend to keep in their home, and pledging to "find additional ways to protect the District’s residents against the scourge of gun violence." It was no doubt planned in advance, but the timing of the second "All Hands on Deck" of 2008, which begins today and lasts through the weekend, seems optimal for Lanier. The Chief is quoted in the Post today as saying that while the District's handgun policies are being revised, officers who find handguns in residents' homes will "use their discretion" about whether to arrest the owners.

Catchy moniker, "All Hands On Deck," but oh, so misleading: The police knock on your door, ask if you have any weapons, and ask if they can come in and either see the weapons or "look for" them. Without a warrant of any kind whatsoever.

In my neighborhood (Eastern Market), We weren't asked during the first AHOD (by the good-looking, well-spoken police officers going door-to-door) if we had any guns in our house. But residents of other DC neighborhoods were, and the police arrested 480 people.

This time, I wonder if they'll ask clueless DCers if they've bought new handguns... knowing that the new laws haven't been ironed out yet. Hm. The police could drag in a good haul of shiny new guns this weekend! And they'll probably convince 480 more clueless residents to let them enter their homes without warrants.

It's always something, isn't it?

If I didn't know better, I'd think it was already Silly Saturday.

By the way, I don't want a cheesy little handgun.

I want this one...

Isn't it just the cutest, personal-size Uzi you've ever seen in your life?

Available magazines include 20-, 25-, 32-, 40-, and 50-round magazines (9x19mm Parabellum), 10-round magazines (.41 and .22 LR), and 16-round magazines (.45 ACP). All of the above are manufactured by IMI. Other high-capacity magazines exist (e.g. 50-round magazines and 100-round drums in 9 mm) which are manufactured by companies such as Vector Arms.

It even swivels on your hip holster!

How cute is that?

By the way, I know how to use it, too.

Number of days since Donna Brazile promised to leave the party if superdelegates decided the Dem nominee:

Donna has known for a long time now that superdelegates would be necessary for any Dem candidate to win the nomination this year. Ask Donna when she intends to keep her promise.
Don't hold your breath awaiting a reply.

"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- and and


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