Twice Told Tales

I once knew a young soldier who died in a helicopter crash a few days after arriving in Vietnam. When I read the official Pentagon letter recounting the events of that fateful day, I knew instantly that it was a skillfully crafted work of fiction. The text was chock full of heroism, bravery, unwavering love of country, and other unverifiable "facts." The only verifiable fact: there were no survivors to question the letter's content.

The letter did, however, console the grieving family: Letter Mission accomplished, I suppose.

Later, when the military and the FBI came to my campus to recruit English and Foreign Language majors, I learned that composing such letters (along with military press releases) was a career option for me.

I declined the offers.

Fast forward to last week.

On July 24th, the Pentagon released this:

"'The terrorists are attacking the infrastructure, the ISF and all of Iraq. They are enemies of humanity without religion or any sort of ethics. They have attacked my community today and I will now take the fight to the terrorists,' said one Iraqi man who preferred not to be identified."

However, on July 13, the Pentagon had released this:

"'The terrorists are attacking the infrastructure, the children and all of Iraq,' said one Iraqi man who preferred not to be identified. 'They are enemies of humanity without religion or any sort of ethics. They have attacked my community today and I will now take the fight to the terrorists.'"

The Pentagon claimed to be "investigating" the obvious SNAFU.

So, who's consoled by the Pentagon's Olsen Twins Iraq quotes?

First of all, George W. Bush. The words were obviously snatched from his limited public comment/ stump speech vocabulary list.

Republican Congress critters, whose need to say, "We had to attack Iraq, and this is proof that our mission has value" supersedes reality.

Republican party supporters, who must be reminded constantly that the smell of burning flesh in Iraq is a good thing.

Today, the Pentagon admits the "error."

U.S. military admits error in news releases

Statements had similar quotes from 'unidentified Iraqi'

Monday, July 25, 2005 Posted: 2038 GMT (0438 HKT)

BAGHDAD (CNN) -- The U.S. military expressed regret Monday for issuing news releases about two separate attacks in Iraq that included almost identical quotes attributed to an unidentified Iraqi. --snip--

Lt. Col. Clifford Kent, spokesman for the 3rd Infantry Division, also spoke Sunday of an "administrative error."

Kent did not explain why the quote apparently was changed to apply to the latest attack.

Duh.

The explanation Kent would have to address wouldn't please the Pentagon, would it?

Oh, by the way, that rancid odor is just more Pentagon bullshit, designed to console you and yours.

Heavy, Proustian sigh.

File this under: Question Everything.