Delilah Boyd: Sermon On The Blog: The Churchiology Of Isaac & Ishmael

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Sermon On The Blog: The Churchiology Of Isaac & Ishmael

If you're a student of Churchiology, you know that The Holy Roman Church traces its roots from Abraham and his son Isaac in the Old Testament to Jesus in the New Testament. Ishmael, the son born by his wife's maid Hagar, is summarily dispatched by Abraham in the book of Genesis, even though God promised the promised land to Abraham's seed, and Ishmael was Abraham's first born son. Later in Genesis, God tells Abraham (Gen. 21:12) that He will establish His covenant with Isaac. Pretty clear, if you believe the Bible to be the word of God. Right? Not if you believe that Ishmael and his seed are the rightful heirs to God's original promise.

According to Ezekiel 38, the longest running family feud (that we know of) won't cease until one side is wiped from the earth. Yikes!

Fast forward to today and the escalating conflict in the Holy Land. The Two-State solution looks to be off the table, and the heirs of Isaac and Ishmael are back to square one once again, only this time they're lobbing bigger and deadlier rockets at each other.

Churchiology also dictates that Jews must return to the Holy Hand, in order for the New Testament's story line to be fulfilled.

So here we are today, facing the age-old, mother of all wedge issues with an AWOL president, a destroyed secular state (Iraq) to temper the region, a weakened Iran, and a new Israeli leader (Ehud Olmert), whose credentials include degrees in psychology, philosophy and law.

I know that my opinion on the Middle east "conflict" won't influence anyone else's opinion. I know that what I believe in is my business and my business alone. All I ask is that you ask yourself...

When you formed your opinion on this most current escalation of violence in the ME, did you ask yourself what you truly believe in and how you came to form your current opinion?

Personally, I believe in the idea of and the possibility of peace through thoughtful and timely diplomacy. I'm not an Old Testament eye for an eye fan, nor am I a New Testament winner take all fan. What about you?

Thus Endeth Today's Sermon.

Go forth today and consider peace instead of obliteration.

I mean it, damn it!

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

3 Comments:

Granny said...: I think when the western powers created artificial countries without regard to the ancient hatreds, they created a disaster waiting to happen.

I think we have squandered any good will we may have had in the Middle East and that we are reaping the whirlwind.

I think peace may still be possible; I just don't have a clue how to go about it. I have to keep thinking that in spite of all the evidence to the contrary.; 2:13 PM
Anonymous said...: You and I want peace .... the people ... the masses want peace ... many others want peace. But the ones in control do not want peace -- they want what they want more than peace. Bush and other ideologues don't want peace. They want to create more chaos -- it feeds their plan [remember PNAC?], in my humble opinion. Really like your blog. Thanks, kris; 12:29 AM
Kathleen Callon said...: If someone believes in scripture and subscribes the whole Isaac and Ishmael warring until one side is wiped off the earth, then he/she should also find valid other scripture such as God protecting both Isaac and Ishmael (angel saving them in the desert) as well as accept the idea of the "great nations".

I don't know if scripture is right, but it's sad that with so many believing in it, after thousands of years this still causes conflict.

I can understand Jewish pride and their yearning for their own state in the Holy Land. I can understand Muslim pride and their yearning to get their land back. I just wish both sides realized that if they accept that their God is the same God, and both sides are "great nations", there is no reason these "great nations" can't and shouldn't share God's Holy Land. They should be embracing what they have in common rather than shooting missles and bombs at each other.; 10:54 AM

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From The Blog Box:

A Scrivener's Lament is officially your go-to scrivener for the next big electoral college showdown. In this case Scrivener Delilah Boyd is keeping an eye on the Electoral College of Cardinals, who Scriv thinks may at any moment be called upon to fly off to Rome (that's as in fly by airplane; only nuns can fly for real) and pick a new pope. But his Holiness is doing better, you must be thinking. Well, the Scriv ain't so sure and even has actual photographs (you'll have to scroll down a bit) of the Holy Father getting viciously attacked by (assumes Scriv) the Lord's messengers of vengeance - apparently to the delight of little children. Anyhoo, the Lament has been keeping files on top candidates for the next Bishop of Rome so that when the sad day comes, you'll know where to turn for all the horserace action. I mention this only because A Scrivener's Lament has been nominated for a Sandy Award in the Most Humorous Blog category.
At A Scrivener's Lament, Delilah Boyd offers a little sigh over the sudden announcement that the Bushies aren't gonna look for WMDs in Iraq anymore. Then the Scrivener offers a useful list of quotes from the administration hornswaggling the country - oops, I mean being sadly misled by the entire intelligence community - about the possibility of weapons stockpiles in Iraq. Maybe Delilah needs to offer to do some volunteer archiving for large media networks. Apparently NBC, CBS, & ABC's news operations are too cash strapped to afford to hire researchers to dig up obscure, unknown quotes likes these for when the yellowcake hits the fan (or in this case fails to).

Ammunition In Bill O'Reilly's War On Christmas

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th December
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m.. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a special announcement at the Party.

Merry Christmas to you and your Family.

Pauline

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th December
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas. However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party.' The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Pauline

FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th December
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only," you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?

Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management believes $10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Pauline

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 8th December
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets. Gays are allowed to sit with each other, but Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men: each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table, too.

To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed unless the Supreme Court intervenes before the 23rd.

We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!

Pauline

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 9th December
RE: The ******** Holiday Party

Vegetarian pricks! I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it; you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing the scream right NOW!!

I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drink, drive and die, Jesus-hating Scum!

Pauline (AKA "That Bitch in HR")

FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: 12th December
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and, instead, give everyone the afternoon of December 23rd off with full pay.

Scrivener Humor
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up. In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies. The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son." So, he goes down into the dark caves... ...underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot. So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall, and wailing, "We forgot the "R", we forgot the "R". His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?" With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was celebrate."

Psst! Only first-time visitors are counted, y'all!

Delilah Boyd

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Sermon On The Blog: The Churchiology Of Isaac & Ishmael

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