Sunday, September 25, 2005

Today's Sermon: Behold, God's DIY Projects

Exodus is my favorite book of the Bible. The God of Abraham's hands-on approach to carpentry, silversmithing, and lamp making are unmatched in any other church-sanctioned tome.

Exodus 25

25:1 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,
25:2 Speak unto the children of Israel, that they bring me an offering: of every man that giveth it willingly with his heart ye shall take my offering.

I'm skipping the Ark of the Covenant instructions for time, but you can check the website for God's complete instructional guide. (Don't forget the detailed instructions for the required golden graven images!)

25:23 Thou shalt also make a table of shittim wood: two cubits shall be the length thereof, and a cubit the breadth thereof, and a cubit and a half the height thereof.
25:24 And thou shalt overlay it with pure gold, and make thereto a crown of gold round about.
25:25 And thou shalt make unto it a border of an hand breadth round about, and thou shalt make a golden crown to the border thereof round about.
25:26 And thou shalt make for it four rings of gold, and put the rings in the four corners that are on the four feet thereof.
25:27 Over against the border shall the rings be for places of the staves to bear the table.
25:28 And thou shalt make the staves of shittim wood, and overlay them with gold, that the table may be borne with them.
25:29 And thou shalt make the dishes thereof, and spoons thereof, and covers thereof, and bowls thereof, to cover withal: of pure gold shalt thou make them.
25:30 And thou shalt set upon the table shewbread before me alway.
25:31 And thou shalt make a candlestick of pure gold: of beaten work shall the candlestick be made: his shaft, and his branches, his bowls, his knops, and his flowers, shall be of the same.
25:32 And six branches shall come out of the sides of it; three branches of the candlestick out of the one side, and three branches of the candlestick out of the other side:
25:33 Three bowls made like unto almonds, with a knop and a flower in one branch; and three bowls made like almonds in the other branch, with a knop and a flower: so in the six branches that come out of the candlestick.
25:34 And in the candlesticks shall be four bowls made like unto almonds, with their knops and their flowers.
25:35 And there shall be a knop under two branches of the same, and a knop under two branches of the same, and a knop under two branches of the same, according to the six branches that proceed out of the candlestick.
25:36 Their knops and their branches shall be of the same: all it shall be one beaten work of pure gold.
25:37 And thou shalt make the seven lamps thereof: and they shall light the lamps thereof, that they may give light over against it.
25:38 And the tongs thereof, and the snuffdishes thereof, shall be of pure gold.
25:39 Of a talent of pure gold shall he make it, with all these vessels.
25:40 And look that thou make them after their pattern, which was shewed thee in the mount.

Verily, the God of Abraham intelligently designed today's popular HGTV and DIY Networks!

Thus Endeth Today's Sermon.

Go forth and craft snuffdishes from pure gold using the pattern Moses downloaded from God during his one-on-one training seminar on the mount.

And don't forget the matching golden tongs!

And the mandatory Shewbread!

I mean it, damn it!

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Blogger Steve said...

It's so hard to find good divine help these days, but perhaps if we all measured twice and cut once, we wouldn't need it.

10:22 PM  

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