The King Of Satire Speaks: Bush accuses conservative critics of fear-mongering on immigration

Notable Bush quotes from yesterday...

Firing back at conservative critics, President Bush defended his plan to overhaul immigration laws Tuesday and accused its opponents of "trying to rile up people’s emotions" with misinformation.

"I’m sure you’ve heard some of the talk out there about people defining the bill. It’s clear they hadn’t read the bill. They’re speculating about what the bill says, and they’re trying to rile up people’s emotions."

The president said he had no hesitations about working with Kennedy despite their sharp differences over Iraq and other issues. "The reason why is, he can get the job done," Bush said aboard Air Force One.

And the truth of the matter is, a lot of this immigration debate is driven as a result of Latinos being in our country," he said.

People shouldn’t fear our capacity to uphold our motto: E Pluribus Unum." The Latin phrase means "Out of many, one."

"The fence sends a clear signal that we’re serious about enforcing the border," Bush said. "A lot of these ranchers down there are saying, `Wait a minute. Bad idea.’ I presume we’re not going to build a fence on places where people don’t want it."

File this under:



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Tom DeLay: My Adultery Is Better Than Newt's Adultery

File this under: The Bugman Bugs Out Again.

From The New Yorker:

Earlier this year, he (DeLay) published a memoir called “No Retreat, No Surrender” (his spokeswoman says that he was not stealing from Bruce Springsteen, and that the phrase has been used many times throughout history, including by the Spartans and as the title of a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie), in which he claimed that as a young congressman he would on occasion drink ten to twelve Martinis at a time. In this period, he earned the nickname Hot Tub Tom. Then he found Jesus and, he said, stopped sinning. In the book, he freely confesses to committing adultery. “I had put my needs first,” he told me. “I was on the throne, not God. I had pushed God from His throne.”

In the book, DeLay criticizes Gingrich for, among other things, conducting an affair with a Capitol Hill employee during the 1998 impeachment trial of Bill Clinton. (The woman later became Gingrich's third wife.) "Yes, I don't think that Newt could set a high moral standard, a high moral tone, during that moment," DeLay said. "You can't do that if you're keeping secrets about your own adulterous affairs." He added that the impeachment trial was another of his "proudest moments." The difference between his own adultery and Gingrich's, he said, "is that I was no longer committing adultery by that time, the impeachment trial. There's a big difference." He added, "Also, I had returned to Christ and repented my sins by that time."

You gotta love it!

An Adulterous DeLay slams Gingrich's adultery while both of them were slinging impeachment poo against a sitting president for... of course, adultery.

Break out the Scarlet Letters, y'all. Business is booming again in Poo-Slinging Presidential-Wannabe Repubeland.




Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

A Metaphor Even A BushBot Should be Able To Understand

Any questions, BushBots?


If you have trouble viewing this video, click here.


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Memorial Day, 2007: Bush With A Chair In The Cemetery

Obviously farked and/or photoshopped, but it says it all about the Miserable Failure's attitude, doesn't it?


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Universal Soldier

Thanks to warmongers, some songs never go out of style.

Truly heavy sigh.



Click here if you have trouble viewing this YouTube video.

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Today's Sermon: Pack Up The Babies & Grab The Old Ladies!

Man and dinosaur, living together... just outside Cincinnati (actually located in Kentucky)?

No, this is no joke.

The Creation Museum, opening May 28, 2007, presents a "walk through history." Designed by a former Universal Studios exhibit director, this state-of-the-art 60,000 square foot museum brings the pages of the Bible to life.

A fully engaging, sensory experience for guests. Murals and realistic scenery, computer-generated visual effects, over fifty exotic animals, life-sized people and dinosaur animatronics, and a special-effects theater complete with misty sea breezes and rumbling seats. These are just some of the impressive exhibits that everyone in your family will enjoy.

Hours

* Monday – Saturday 10 a.m. – 6 p.m.
* Sunday* 12 p.m. – 6 p.m.

*Memorial Day to Labor Day Only
Closed Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve/Day, New Year — Eve/Day

Admission

* Adult (13-59 yrs) $19.95
* Senior (60 yrs & up) $14.95
* Children (5-12 yrs) $9.95
* Children (under 5 yrs) Free

* Planetarium with admission, $5

Now that you've read that, how about this...?

New museum says dinosaurs were on Noah's Ark

PETERSBURG, Ky (Reuters) - Like many modern museums, the newest U.S. tourist attraction includes some awesome exhibits -- roaring dinosaurs and a life-sized ship.

But only at the Creation Museum in Kentucky do the dinosaurs sail on the ship -- Noah's Ark, to be precise.

--snip--

While the $27 million museum near Cincinnati has drawn snickers from media and condemnation from U.S. scientists, those who believe God created the heavens and the Earth in six days about 6,000 years ago say their views are finally being represented.

--snip--

Here exhibits show the Grand Canyon took just days to form during Noah's flood, dinosaurs coexisted with humans and had a place on Noah's Ark, and Cain married his sister to people the earth, among other Biblical wonders.

Or this...?

Those who believe in the literal Bible amount to 31% of adult Americans. This is a decline of about 7% compared with Gallup polls taken in the 1970s and 1980s. It is strongest in the South.

Belief in the literal word of the Bible is strongest among those whose schooling stopped with high school and declines steadily with educational level, with only 20% of college graduates holding that view and 11% of those with an advanced degree.

Thus endeth today's sermon.

Go forth and ponder the good news... these clowns have spent $27 million on this future landfill, which they might have otherwise donated to a fascist fundie presidential campaign.

Think about it while you stifle a chuckle.

I mean it, damn it!

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Today's Word: Kakistocracy

What would we do without the Greeks?

How would we ever be able to describe BushCo?

Kakistocracy

SYLLABICATION: kak·is·toc·ra·cy
PRONUNCIATION: kk-stkr-s, käk-
NOUN: Inflected forms: pl. kak·is·toc·ra·cies

Government by the least qualified or most unprincipled citizens.

ETYMOLOGY: Greek kakistos, worst, superlative of kakos, bad; see caco– + –cracy.

Ahem.

Kaka- crap, shit, etc.
Poop, feces, shit, dung, dump, Load.

Spot on.


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Finally! US Media Ignores Young White Blonde!

It's finally happened! The media has chosen to devote only a fleeting moment of coverage to a young white blonde.

Why, oh why has this happened?

Click here to find out.


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

To "Goodling" Or Not To "Goodling?" That Is The Question

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to accuse the US Attorney General of trying to influence your witness testimony or to play dumb about repeatedly violating the Hatch Act...

Oh, wait! Monica Goodling did both yesterday.

The best part of her testimony: When she suddenly had that look that screamed, "Oh, shit! They didn't prepare me for this line of questioning!"


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Monica Goodling's Testifying Today (Quick! Trot Out Bush To Make A Speech!)

Pay no attention today to the testimony (with immunity, by the way) of Justice Dept. Darling, Monica Goodling, Citizens.

Instead, watch Gee Dubya read from his big print notebook (or notecards) about how afraid you should be of...

OSAMA BIN LADEN

Never mind that Bush has told you for years that Bin Laden's "on the run."

Forget that Bush has told you that "Bin Laden Is irrelevant."

And don't wonder why Bush wants you to quiver & quake today in fear of Bin Laden, but the Terror Threat Level color won't change.

Hm. Here's an idea: Forget Bush today and pay attention to Monica.



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Bush & Gonzales & Card Play Dumb

What's better?

Blatantly criminal or just plain stupid?

For BushCo officials, stupid must be better. Take the case of Comey's testimony on the Gonzo/Bush/Card rush to get an ailing Ashcroft's signature on that sleazy surveillance program deal. Bad blood, indeed.

After the incident, there were recriminations over what Comey portrayed as an attempt by Bush's top lawyer and chief of staff to "take advantage" of a very ill man. Comey didn't tell the Senate panel that the bad feelings were stoked even more the next morning when White House officials explained the hospital visit by saying Gonzales and Card were unaware that Comey was acting A.G. (and therefore the only person authorized to sign off on the surveillance program), according to a former senior DOJ official who requested anonymity talking about internal matters. Top DOJ officials were furious, the source said. Just days earlier, Justice's chief spokesman had publicly said Comey would serve as "head of the Justice Department" while Ashcroft was ill. Justice officials had also faxed over a document to the White House informing officials of this. When a Gonzales aide claimed the counsel's office could find no record of it, DOJ officials dug out a receipt showing the fax had been received. "People were disgusted as much as livid," said the DOJ official. "It was just the dishonesty of it." A Gonzales aide at the time (who asked not to be ID'd talking about internal matters) said there was a "miscommunication" and "genuine confusion" over who was in charge. Democratic senators plan a no-confidence vote in Gonzales. They also want him to explain his testimony last year that "there has not been any serious disagreement" about the terrorist-surveillance program.

"Miscommunication," my ass.

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Mars Candy Company Caves On Craptastic Animal Fat Course

Power. The People. And all that jazz...

Mars bars get veggie status back

Mars has abandoned plans to use animal products in its chocolate, and has apologised to "upset" vegetarians.

The firm had said it would change the whey used in some of its products from a vegetarian source to one with traces of the animal enzyme, rennet.

The Vegetarian Society organised a campaign against the move, asking members to voice their concerns to parent company Masterfoods.

Mars said it became "very clear, very quickly" that it had made a mistake.

In just one week, more than 6,000 people bombarded the company, which produces the Mars, Snickers, Maltesers and Galaxy brands, with phone and e-mail complaints.

Forty MPs also signed a petition to voice their opposition.

Good news! But we still have to keep American chocolate companies from replacing cocoa butter with cheap-assed vegetable oil.

A chocolate lover's work is never done.


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Snarky Sermon On The Blog: The "Super-Delux Brand Christian" & The Mother-Daughter Bakery

Today's Guest Minister: Texas resident, Kiss My Big Blue Butt

I recently had reason to purchase a cake for a special occasion.
Just to mess with Commissioner Andy Meyers, I bought it from Nooky's Bakery in Sugar Land. No, I'm serious. I could have bought it anywhere but I drove all the way to Sugar Land just to hack-off Andy Meyers and the Super-DeLux Brand Chrisitians. I feel like that's kinda my duty.
Commish Meyers thinks Nooky's is a sexually oriented business and wants to have it shut down forever because they make cakes resembling ta-tas for parties. When shutting it down didn't work, he spent county time and money trying to make them take down their sign. That didn't work either, and this mother and daughter bakery is still making beautiful cakes for special occasions all over the county.
Nice cake, huh? And it was yummy. Raspberry filling and moist vanilla cake. I'd say it was sinfully good, but Meyers will hire a lawyer to shut down my website. Heck, he tried to make them take down a sign just because it had the word "naughty" on it.
Or maybe it was the word "erotic" on the sign. Apparently that word makes Andy frisky, so he surmises it has the same effect on you.

Which reminds me of an absolute true story a friend of mine tells.
I know it’s true because I know all the parties involved.
My friend has an 85 year old Grandmother who is a stalwart in the Baptist Church. She’s the good kind of Baptist, with a sweet, true and loving heart, not the haughty kind of Baptist.
Anyway, my friend is a coffee connoisseur – she loves different grinds and flavors of coffee from all over the world. Her Granny, wanting to share her granddaughter’s new interest, began telling people that her granddaughter was “all into erotic coffees.”
Well, this is a small town and it didn’t take long for word to get back to me and my friend about what Granny was telling the church, the beauty shop, the butcher, and the man who came to install her new washing machine.
My friend was mortified. Why would Granny be saying something like that?
It took her a full fifteen minutes to realize that Granny meant exotic.
She called Granny immediately to tell her that she was using the wrong word. “Granny,” she said slowly and clearly, “it’s exotic coffees, not erotic coffees.”
“Exotic, erotic, what’s the difference?” Granny wanted to know, “It’s all the same to me.”
Granny has a point, you know.

Anyway, the point of that story is that Andy Meyers better let that sign stay up so Grannys will know the difference.
I guess I should mention that my friend got several serious calls from people wanting to know where to buy these erotic coffees. So, if there’s an interest, perhaps we could mention it to the ladies at Nooky’s.

Thus Endeth Today's Sermon.

Go forth today and consider the private lives of those among us who can't tell the difference between debauchery & depravity and free enterprise & lipstick.

"I mean it, damn it!"



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Jury Duty: The Selection Process Is Like Grade School, Only With Possible Prison Time and/or Death Instead Of Report Cards

I can't talk about the case until it's over, but I can describe the jury selection process I witnessed yesterday.

Each morning (except Fridays, I think), about 150 citizens report for jury duty at 8:00 a.m. at this particular office (other groups report at other times throughout the day at this and other offices, I think), after which prospective jurors watch a video called, "You, The Juror." As soon as all are checked in and given badges, about 50 are randomly selected to line up and march to a hallway outside a certain courtroom. There, they line up again (this time in groups of 6) according to another seemingly random list of their jury numbers. It's akin to school graduation order, where each group constitutes a row of seats in an auditorium.

After filing in and taking seats, all prospective jurors are sworn in with an oath/affirmation (pertaining to the voir dire process). Numbers are called for 14 people (12 jurors and 2 alternates) to take seats in the jury box. After that, the judge asks for a show of hands for YES answers to a series of questions pertaining to the case, including, "Do you know any of the parties involved, and do you feel so strongly about _____ (I can't reveal the sides in the case) that it would be difficult to be impartial?

Some people are then (possibly) asked to leave the jury box, and others are (possibly) asked to replace them. This can happen several times, and (after individual voir dire for each prospective juror) the final jury and 2 alternates are officially seated and sworn in.

More About The Process: The Clerk of the Court takes jurors and alternates into a jury room adjacent to the courtroom and explains the rules about entering and exiting without coming into contact with witnesses and/or persons associated with the trial.

The judge begins the trial (at some point) and (usually) offers words of wisdom, possibly including:

An indictment is not evidence.

An attorney's question is not evidence.

Under the law, only the answers given by witnesses and the exhibits admitted can be defined as "evidence."

It's up to the jury to determine the credibility of the evidence.

I'll post more about the process when this particular trial is over.

Jury duty is an awesome responsibility, due to the fact that it's the only civic duty required by the US Constitution (Look it up). The jury determines the facts in a case and decides the fate of individuals based solely on the evidence presented and the judge's instructions.

It's not --I repeat-- not "Law & Order." The role of the jury is much more important than the grade school process leads you to believe before the panel is chosen.

Democracy is not black & white. It's oh, so terribly grey.


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Jury Duty Day

cue that Law & Order pizzicato. I report for jury duty today in DC.

I doubt that I'll be seated on a jury, though. The closest I've ever come is "first alternate," and even then the case was settled out of court.

I'll post later today or tonight about the experience.


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

What To Say About Jerry Falwell

To quote Bette Davis (on the passing of Joan Crawford)...

"You should never say bad things about the dead; you should only say good. Joan Crawford is dead. Good."

To quote Mark Twain....

"I won't be attending his funeral, but I'm certainly in favor of it!"

Enough said.


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Goodbye, Milky Way & Twix & Snickers! Animal Fat In My Chocolate?

I think I'll pass on the animal fat from stomach lining you're already using to make "chocolate," Mars.

Mars starts using animal products

Some of the UK's best-selling chocolate bars, such as Mars and Twix, will no longer be suitable for vegetarians.

Also affecting brands such as Snickers and Maltesers, owner Masterfoods said it had started to use animal product rennet to make its chocolate products.

Masterfoods said the change was due to it switching the sourcing of its ingredients and the admission was a "principled decision" on its part.

Principled, my ass.

It's the profit margin, stupid.

By the way, it's not just strict vegetarians who will no longer consume Mars candies. Animal fat is a no-no for many religion-based diets.

Hm. Mars (Master Foods) accountants must've run the numbers (possible customer loss) and decided that animal fat chocolate was still a good profitable idea.

Yuck.

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Clinton v Bush: Gas Prices

Do the math, y'all.

When Clinton was president, and wingnuts were screaming about high gas prices...





Fast forward to today...




Are you happy now, wingnuts?


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Mother's Day

Ancient Greeks celebrated a holiday in honor of Rhea, the mother of the gods.

Ancient Romans celebrated a holiday in honor of Cybele, a mother goddess, March 22-25 - the celebrations were notorious enough that followers of Cybele were banished from Rome.

In the British Isles and Celtic Europe, the goddess Brigid, and later her successor St. Brigid, were honored with a spring Mother's Day, connected with the first milk of the ewes.

Today...

• In the United States, there are about 82.5 million mothers. (source: US Census Bureau)

• about 96% of American consumers take part in some way in Mother's Day (source: Hallmark)

• Mother's Day is widely reported as the peak day of the year for long distance telephone calls

• There are more than 23,000 florists in the United States with a total of more than 125,000 employees. Colombia is the leading foreign supplier of cut flowers and fresh flower buds to the US. California produces two-thirds of domestic production of cut flowers. (source: US Census Bureau)

• Mother's Day is the busiest day of the year for many restaurants

• Retailers report that Mother's Day is the second highest gift-giving holiday in the United States (Christmas is the highest).

• Most popular month for having babies in the US is August, and most popular weekday is Tuesday.

• about twice as many young women were childfree in the year 2000 as in the 1950s (source: Ralph Fevre, The Guardian, Manchester, March 26, 2001)

• In the US, 82% of women ages 40-44 are mothers. This compares to 90% in 1976. (source: US Census Bureau)

• In Utah and Alaska, women on the average will have three children before the end of their childbearing years. Overall, the average in the United States is two. (source: US Census Bureau)

• In 2002, the 55% of American women with infant children were in the workforce, compared to 31% in 1976, and down from 59% in 1998. In 2002, there were 5.4 million stay-at-home mothers in the US. (source: US Census Bureau)

Here's to the Rheas, the Cybeles, and the Brigids... Without whom we mothers wouldn't be pampered and feted today.

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Where Have All The Hippies Gone?

... Gone to recording studios, some of them.




Click here if you have trouble viewing the video.


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

What Were You Thinking, Babs?

Hey, Babs! Did you wake up the other day and choose this cheap-assed T-Shirt material outfit to wear for the queen, or did someone wake you (the friggin' former first lady), from a Valium stupor and drag you to the car at the last minute, hoping no one would notice your attire?




Hey, Babs! You're no Lady Bird. But you knew that already, didn't you?





Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Bush Is Fig Jam (Psst! It's an acronym)

I heard this nifty acronym on TV last night which aptly describes George Dubya Bush during this week's reading flub of the date, 1976, and his subsequent joke and wink at the Queen of England:

Fig Jam.

Translated: Fuck, I'm Good. Just Ask Me!

Got a better description of this facial expression?








Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Crisis Pregnancy Centers: Your Tax Dollars Allow Them To Lie To Women

Look, I have no problem with women who choose to have babies. After 8 years of marriage, my husband and I chose to have one. She's terrific!

I do, however, have a serious problem with tax dollars funding these so-called "Crisis Pregnancy Centers." First of all, the name screams, "We're here to help you deal with an unwanted pregnancy. Trust us!" Then, they proceed to browbeat women into keeping their babies or handing them over to the oh, so lucrative adoption biz.

Today's Washington Post beats around the abortion bush, as usual:

States React to Crisis Pregnancy Centers

By JULIA SILVERMAN
The Associated Press
Wednesday, May 9, 2007; 7:23 AM

ASTORIA, Ore. -- Ninety miles and a mountain range away from the nearest abortion provider, pregnant women stream into a tidy storefront here where they receive free pregnancy tests, baby clothes, diapers and warnings about the alleged dangers of abortion.

At similar pregnancy resource centers in small towns and big cities nationwide, volunteers who believe abortion is murder advise women that the procedure has been linked to breast cancer and infertility.

--snip--

Crisis pregnancy centers say states should not get involved.

"The state should not be in a position to put pressure on one industry's competitor," said Diane Fell, the executive director of Astoria's Door of Hope. "We are competitors for Planned Parenthood. It's like Coke saying to Pepsi, 'You can't be on my block, go away.'"

Coke v Pepsi?

That's a hard sell for any medically-associated business, don't you think?

What a crock! Lies v Basic Medical Information...

And you're paying for it.

Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Crying Out For A Caption

I'm at a total loss here.


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Bush Prepares To Receive The Queen

How does George W. Bush, a towel-snapping Texan who puts his feet on the coffee table, drinks water straight from the bottle and was once caught on tape talking with food in his mouth prepare for a state dinner with the queen?

With tips from an etiquette guide, of course — and a little gentle prodding from his wife.

The White House is atwitter over the visit on Monday by Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh. This is the first visit by the queen since 1991, when Mr. Bush’s father was president. White House aides say the state dinner in her honor is not only the social event of the year, but also of the entire Bush presidency.

It will be closely watched by the social elite for its collision of cultures — Texas swagger meets British prim. Dinner attire is white tie and tails, the first and, perhaps, only white-tie affair of the Bush administration. The president was said to be none too keen on that, but bowed to a higher power, his wife.

Meanwhile...

How friggin' embarrassing is this?

Workers are making the White House fit for a queen, with new paint and shiny floors.

Maybe it would be better if Jolene received the queen, instead of Bush.


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Snarky Sermon on the Blog: Religious Solicitors Of Spring

It's that time again...

The birds are chirping, the buds blossoming, and sixpacks of Sunday-Go-To-Meeting clothed Bible bearers just rounded the corner. Front doors slam shut, curtains are drawn, and lights are offed with precision on my block. How about yours?

Lately, I've been tempted to quote Jack Nicholson when the "Please pray my baby out of purgatory"-ites appear:

"Go peddle CRAZY somewhere else. We're all full up here."

However, I think I'll start handing them copies of this...




While they're reading, I'll at least have time to run inside, slam the door, and off the lights.

Got any better ideas?

Thus Endeth Today's Sermon.

Go forth today and fear not the royal pissing off of religious solicitors. You have the right to treat them as you would an encyclopedia salesperson.

Think about it: Just because they're dressed for church and toting bibles doesn't mean you have to drop what you're doing and endure their sales pitch... For that's verily what it's all about, isn't it?

You could, of course, ask them how much it would take for them to leave your family the hell alone, but that would just get you moved to the top of their "Must Save This Soul" list.

If all else fails, think power tools.

"I mean it, damn it!"


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

I Have 2 Words For Greg Palast...

The 2 words?

Ken & Starr.

Hm. Maybe Mr. Palast really is trying to get this pile of crap out there before KKKarl Rove dives into it head first and smears it all over Cable Noose & Innuendo shows.

Personally, I am sick to death of successful women being automatically branded as criminals.

Had H. R. Clinton been a stay-at-home mom (instead of sitting at the table during the Watergate hearings), I'm sure that her homemaking skills and child rearing procedures would be the targets du jour.

Had there been even a whiff of a smoking gun, surely Ken Starr and his $74million "investigation" would have sniffed it out.



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Bush Is As Befuddled As Reagan

U.S. President George W. Bush holds his notes before addressing a ceremony honoring the National Day of Prayer in the East Room of the White House in Washington May 3, 2007. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque (UNITED STATES)

Enough said.


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

GOP Debate: Reagan-30; Bush-5

Read the transcript and count the times the words "Reagan" and "Bush" (George W. Bush or President Bush-- not the father or the other son) were said. Now read it again and note how little praise these cranky old white men have for their current commander guy.

Recap: the current GOP contenders would rather be associated with an Alzheimer's patient, whose foreign policy was a disaster, than the miserable failure we have in the Oval Office today.

Remember, the goal in 2008 is a cheat-proof majority, and none of these Repubs is above cheating. Want more fascism? Vote for a Repub. Want jobs, health care, college tuition help and retirement security? You know what to do.



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Bush: "Success is not no violence."

Huh?

What an asshat!

Also an asshat: the White House transcriber who stuck in a comma to make the "commander guy" seem not, no stupid:

But slowly but surely, the truth will be known. Either we'll succeed, or we won't succeed. And the definition of success as I described is sectarian violence down. Success is not, no violence. There are parts of our own country that have got a certain level of violence to it. But success is a level of violence where the people feel comfortable about living their daily lives. And that's what we're trying to achieve.

Who's comfortable living with any level of violence, Asshat?

Oops! I forgot.

Bush is. That's why he hides behind history's biggest presidential security detail.


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

History Repeats Itself: La Plus Ca Change...

If you have trouble viewing the video, click here.


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Bush's "Mission Accomplished" (Year Four) Anniversary

Do you think Commander Codpiece will celebrate?




Better question: Do you think Commander Codpiece has any idea how stupid he is?



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.