Friday, September 30, 2005

This Week's
Backside Of The Bell Curve


"Morality Czar/Serial Gambler"

Yep, he's baaaaaack!

Self-proclaimed (and thoroughly disgraced) morality czar, Bill Bennett, said this on his radio show (yes, he has a radio show, just like convicted felon, G. Gordon Liddy):

The author of "The Book of Virtues," answering a caller's question, took issue with the hypothesis put forth in a recent book that one reason crime is down is that abortion is up.

Yet another Bennett book

"But I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could, if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down," Bennett said.

And here's Bennett's qualifier:

He went on to call that "an impossible, ridiculous and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down. So these far-out, these far-reaching, extensive extrapolations are, I think, tricky."



Abortion is wrong, but it could lower the crime rate if it weren't a morally reprehensible thing to do?

If it walks like a wishful thinking duck, talks like a wishful thinking duck, and quacks like a wishful thinking duck...

I could say, just as easily, that if you altered the abortion laws to legalize "partial birth" abortions up to 1000 months, you could decrease gambling significantly in this country.

According to Bennett's logic, it could work.

Today's sniglet:

Thursday, September 29, 2005

My Favorite Freepers

Meet a few of my new favorite freepers:

"Peace Sucks" Guy

"Ass In The Front" Guy

"3rd Place,
Freeper Spelling Championship" Guy

"2nd Place,
Freeper Spelling Championship" Guy

Of course, here's everyone's all-time Favorite Freeper...

"All-Time Winner,
Freeper Spelling Championship" Guy

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be freepers.

File this under:

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Wire Hanger Day

Today's the day.

The Senate will vote today to confirm John "Federalist Society" Roberts' takeover of the Supreme W. Court.

And here's why:

If Democrats voted against Roberts as a bloc, it would give Republicans a reason to block the next Democratic president's nominee if they are still in charge of the Senate, Wyden (D- Ore) said. "A sword forged in ideology in 2005 can be used against a progressive nominee in 2009 with an equal disregard for the Constitution and the individual," he said. LINK

Pitiful excuse. Give them another inch, and they'll take another mile, Dems!

Here's how stupid the Wire Hanger Wingnuts are...

I happened onto the Freeperfest accidentally last Saturday in DC as I exited the Navy Yard Metro station, dressed in my stars & stripes Billionaires For Bush yachting togs. Immediately, some chick with a camera and microphone was in my face, asking if I was there to support the president. "Of course!" I squealed gleefully. "President Bush has gone the extra mile to preserve and enrich my lifestyle! And he told me at dinner last week that he would do something about the wretchedly high price of polo pony food! I adore The Little Bush!"

Still not catching on, camera chick asked, "What do you think about those Communists For Kerry marching today?"

"Are they here today?" I asked, wondering why that stale Cold War crap was still plaguing my country. "I'm meeting a few of my own kind for a little celebration of... well, profit sharing, if you will."

Still clueless, she asked how I felt about that Communist, Teresa Heinz Kerry. (They don't seem to be able to "move on," do they?) I explained that Mrs. Kerry was a traitor to her income bracket and that we Billionaires For Bush had long ago washed our hands of Mrs. "Do Gooder" Kerry. Her charity work embarrasses us to no end!

Idiots! And now they're begging for donations to pay for their 200-strong, er, thronglet weekend in DC! Read tomorrow's Blog Box column for the details (link in the sidebar).

Remember, well-to-do women have always had access to medical treatment for "women's problems." They just don't want anyone else to have the same access.

And guess the subject of one of the first cases John Roberts will consider. That's right. "Partial Birth" Abortion.

Time to dust off your copy of The Cardinal and learn to smile when your daughters die in child birth. Or
rent the movie.

Heaviest of sighs.

File this under:

Flying Pigs Cleared For Takeoff!

US Senate Majority Leader, Thomas Dale DeLay (R- TX Helmet Hair), has been indicted for criminal conspiracy. That's a felony, folks.

Read the indictment (and don't forget to look at the canceled check on page 3).

I haven't felt this hopeful since September 15, 1972!

File this under:

Frist, Do No Harm!

US Senator Bill Frist sold his shares of the family biz (HCA, the biggest hospital biz in the nation) just before it tanked.

But that's not all, folks.

Frist's holdings were placed in a (required) blind trust, but someone leaked 24 documents which prove that Dr. Frist (Famous for his video-watching, totally wrong diagnosis of Terri Schiavo) knew everything that went on concerning his portfolio transactions.


Just plain pitiful.

Shame on you, Dr./ Senator/ Liar/ Avaricious Frist!

File this under:

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

George W.'s drunken command:
"Gort, er, Laura! Klaatu barada nikto!"

Just an observation.

File this under: Perkins Bailey?

Brownie's Back At FEMA

No joke.

Sept. 26, 2005
6:44 p.m.
(CBS) — CBS News correspondent Gloria Borger reports that Michael Brown, who recently resigned as the head of the FEMA, has been rehired by the agency as a consultant to evaluate it's response following Hurricane Katrina.

Too weird for color TV.

File this under:

Monday, September 26, 2005

Ticky Tacky Nation

Little boxes on the hillside
Little boxes made of ticky tacky...

The post-WWII American dream of a house in the suburbs and two cars in the driveway included a bait-&-switch lay-away payment plan that a few really smart people have been screaming about for 50 years while greedy people only pshawed and plowed up more and more farmland and forests for more and more ticky tacky little boxes.

In fact, ticky tacky people (who listen to really greedy people) think that global warming doesn't sound like a bad thing at all: Wouldn't global warming make life easier for grannies living on fixed incomes in Northern states?

Like I said, ticky tacky people.

Which brings us to the "Climate Loonies"...

Sir John Lawton, chairman of the Royal Commission on Environmental Pollution which advises the government, made what the Independent newspaper said was a thinly disguised attack on the stance of U.S. President George W. Bush's administration.

"The increased intensity of these kinds of extreme storms is very likely to be due to global warming," Lawton told the newspaper in an interview.

"If this makes the climate loonies in the States realise we've got a problem, some good will come out of a truly awful situation," said Lawton.

Other smart people say...

Kerry Emanuel states that the potential hurricane destructiveness, a measure which combines strength, duration, and frequency of hurricanes, "is highly correlated with tropical sea surface temperature, reflecting well-documented climate signals, including multidecadal oscillations in the North Atlantic and North Pacific, and global warming."K. Emanuel further predicts "a substantial increase in hurricane-related losses in the twenty-first century."

Along similar lines, P.J. Webster et al. published an article in Science (309, 1844-1846) examining "changes in tropical cyclone number, duration, and intensity" over the last 35 years, a period where satellite data is available. The main finding is that while the number of cyclones "decreased in all basins except the North Atlantic during the past decade" there is a "large increase in the number and proportion of hurricanes reaching categories 4 and 5;" i.e., while the number of cyclones decreased overall, the number of very strong cyclones increased.

Forget trying to convince ticky tacky people that fossil fuel emissions contribute to global warming. They only understand what they see on TV or on their own ticky tacky street.

They watched The Hurricane Katrina Show. They now understand a little bit more about hurricanes.

They might even know now that warmer water makes hurricanes stronger.

Which means that they might be wondering about all that global warming stuff they ignored for so long.

Hey, it's a start!

File this under:

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Today's Sermon: Behold, God's DIY Projects

Exodus is my favorite book of the Bible. The God of Abraham's hands-on approach to carpentry, silversmithing, and lamp making are unmatched in any other church-sanctioned tome.

Exodus 25

25:1 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,
25:2 Speak unto the children of Israel, that they bring me an offering: of every man that giveth it willingly with his heart ye shall take my offering.

I'm skipping the Ark of the Covenant instructions for time, but you can check the website for God's complete instructional guide. (Don't forget the detailed instructions for the required golden graven images!)

25:23 Thou shalt also make a table of shittim wood: two cubits shall be the length thereof, and a cubit the breadth thereof, and a cubit and a half the height thereof.
25:24 And thou shalt overlay it with pure gold, and make thereto a crown of gold round about.
25:25 And thou shalt make unto it a border of an hand breadth round about, and thou shalt make a golden crown to the border thereof round about.
25:26 And thou shalt make for it four rings of gold, and put the rings in the four corners that are on the four feet thereof.
25:27 Over against the border shall the rings be for places of the staves to bear the table.
25:28 And thou shalt make the staves of shittim wood, and overlay them with gold, that the table may be borne with them.
25:29 And thou shalt make the dishes thereof, and spoons thereof, and covers thereof, and bowls thereof, to cover withal: of pure gold shalt thou make them.
25:30 And thou shalt set upon the table shewbread before me alway.
25:31 And thou shalt make a candlestick of pure gold: of beaten work shall the candlestick be made: his shaft, and his branches, his bowls, his knops, and his flowers, shall be of the same.
25:32 And six branches shall come out of the sides of it; three branches of the candlestick out of the one side, and three branches of the candlestick out of the other side:
25:33 Three bowls made like unto almonds, with a knop and a flower in one branch; and three bowls made like almonds in the other branch, with a knop and a flower: so in the six branches that come out of the candlestick.
25:34 And in the candlesticks shall be four bowls made like unto almonds, with their knops and their flowers.
25:35 And there shall be a knop under two branches of the same, and a knop under two branches of the same, and a knop under two branches of the same, according to the six branches that proceed out of the candlestick.
25:36 Their knops and their branches shall be of the same: all it shall be one beaten work of pure gold.
25:37 And thou shalt make the seven lamps thereof: and they shall light the lamps thereof, that they may give light over against it.
25:38 And the tongs thereof, and the snuffdishes thereof, shall be of pure gold.
25:39 Of a talent of pure gold shall he make it, with all these vessels.
25:40 And look that thou make them after their pattern, which was shewed thee in the mount.

Verily, the God of Abraham intelligently designed today's popular HGTV and DIY Networks!

Thus Endeth Today's Sermon.

Go forth and craft snuffdishes from pure gold using the pattern Moses downloaded from God during his one-on-one training seminar on the mount.

And don't forget the matching golden tongs!

And the mandatory Shewbread!

I mean it, damn it!

File this under:

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Geography 101

Hurricane Rita will be in Galveston today...

(Click Here For Live Cams)

I will be here (with the brilliant Billionaires For Bush street theatre group)...

And George W. Chicken will be here...


Opened in 1962, the Cheyenne Mountain centre is a hugely sophisticated underground complex linked to a worldwide network of US radars and other electronic sensors capable of detecting, assessing and co-ordinating responses to any airborne or space-based threat to the United States or its overseas forces anywhere in the world.
Within the complex separate control centres, each reporting to the Command Director, monitor events within their specialist fields. These centres include the Space Control Centre, the Missile Warning Centre, the Battle Management Centre and the Combined Intelligence Watch Centre.
Totally self-sufficient under threat conditions, the centre can support an emergency staff of 800 for a minimum of thirty days. Backup power is provided by five 1 megawatt diesel alternator sets.

Why is it that George W. always flies westward during national crises and DC protests?

And do Republicans not notice this?

Or do they just not care?

File this under:

Friday, September 23, 2005

This Week's
Backside Of The Bell Curve


Opus Dei's
US Supreme Court InJustice

"It's not art unless I, Fat Tony, say it's art"

Scalia tells Juilliard audience govt can choose the artwork when it's funding it

Associated Press Writer

September 22, 2005, 10:59 PM EDT

NEW YORK -- The government is privileged to choose what artwork is worthwhile without being accused of censorship as long as it is funding the art, U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia said Thursday.

"The First Amendment has not repealed the ancient rule of life, that he who pays the piper calls the tune," Scalia said at a symposium entitled "American Society and the Arts," hosted by the Juilliard School.

Scalia discussed and fielded questions about only the arts. He said he was not suggesting that the government not fund the arts but that if it does, just like when it runs a school system, it gets to pick the contents. --snip--

"I can truly understand the discomfort with government making artistic choices, but the only remedy is to get government out of funding," he told the audience.

Here's an idea, Tony: Substitute the word "religious" for the word "artistic" in that last paragraph.

Don't like that idea, do you, Tony?

Guess what, Tony. You're not the government.

I am.

Along with every other taxpayer.

We're the government, you sanctimonious asshole.

We pay your salary.

That's why this is "art"...

And this is art...

And this is art...

And this is art...

Who the hell do you think you are, Tony?

The art police?

I know that you and your Opus Dei, self-flagellating buddies (like Bob Novak) would prefer each American taxpayer's annual 64 cent support of the arts be diverted to the faith-based crapfestalooza of your choice, but damn!

You told the students at Juilliard that the antiquated patronage system is good enough for 21st Century America.

That means you must condone the sexual submission and indentured slavery status so many young artists suffered for "patronage" in order to produce those In Excelsis Deo works of "art" you admire.

Hey, Tony! Take your black robed, grand inquisitor crap and shove it up your Mapplethorpe!

File this under:

Thursday, September 22, 2005

The Gropenator's Verb Tense Shenanigans

Poor Gropenator (Ahhnult Shhhvartsinnaaagur)! He's Kahhhleeforneeah Dreeemeeenk again!

But wait!

It seems the age old "Let's bash teachers for political gain" trick has backfired big time.

My favorite part: the verb tense shenanigans.

Schwarzenegger Seeks 'Bad Teacher' Stories

SACRAMENTO, Calif. Sep 21, 2005 — Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's campaign posted a form on its Web site asking Californians for stories about inferior teachers to support the ballot initiative to lengthen teachers' probationary period.

The form was then removed Wednesday after an Associated Press reporter called to inquire about it. LINK


Name one person who didn't have to put up with a teacher s/he dreaded seeing every day.

That didn't take long, did it?

I hated my 9th grade English teacher with every fiber of my being. She was, to me, the Texas version of Cruella deVille. I hovered at an A-/B+ every 6 weeks and was always shocked to see that A on my report card every six weeks.

That woman scared the shit out of me!

Six years later, when I stood in front of my own English class (as a student teacher), I realized that the Texas version of Cruella DeVille was one of the best in the business.

So, Governor Gropenator...

Consider this fair warning.

Asking kids and their parents to evaluate teachers for you makes about as much sense as electing real estate developers to school boards.

As for that verb tense problem...

Let's add the passive voice and a modal auxiliary:

You, Governor, must be erased.

File this under:

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

In Memoriam

16 Elul 5765

Simon Wiesenthal

Holocaust survivor
Simon Wiesenthal dies

Wiesenthal, who was an architect before World War II, changed his life’s mission after the war, dedicating himself to trying to track down Nazi war criminals and to being a voice for the 6 million Jews who died during the onslaught. He himself lost 89 relatives in the Holocaust.

Wiesenthal spent more than 50 years hunting Nazi war criminals, speaking out against neo-Nazism and racism, and remembering the Jewish experience as a lesson for humanity. Through his work, he said, some 1,100 Nazi war criminals were brought to justice.

“When history looks back I want people to know the Nazis weren’t able to kill millions of people and get away with it,” he once said. LINK


eteyn tzedakah be'ad hazkarat nishmato

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Rush Limbaugh
(In His Own Words)

Move over, Henry Higgins. There's a new song-talker in town!

Major Kudos to WNNX-FM (Atlanta) for the
Official Rush Limbaugh Theme Song.

These clever, clever people edited miles of Limbaugh's radio rantings and set them to music. You really have to hear it to appreciate it!

Crank up the volume.

The Lyrics:

Announcer: Ladies and gentleman... Rush Limbaugh!

They say that I'm sleaze
An elitist, if you please
Everybody disagrees with my rap (with his rap)
I'm horrendous, I'm appalling
My ratings now are falling
'Cause I'm so full of bull, so full of crap (full of crap)
With condescending cries,
Making money selling lies,
You might say everybody hates my guts (hates his guts)
I'm offensive, I'm a bigot
I'm a fraud - Can you dig it?
I'm a sexist, racist, homophobic, fat, pathetic putz

I'm a nazi (he's a nazi)
That's right, I really am,
'Cause I'm a nazi (he's a nazi)
That's right, you're being scammed
I'm a nazi (he's a nazi)
I don't care about the middle class
'Cause I'm a fat conservative butthead
With the face of a horse's ass
(He's a fat conservative butthead) Hey!
(With the face of a horse's ass)

I have a sub-human figure, a huge rear end
My brain? That's another story (it's quite another story)
I have a face the size of a wash tub
And my ass is as big as Missouri - Yes!
(This bastard is sick, he's a fat, pompous pig,
and his ass is as big as Missouri) Yessiree, Bob!

Manipulating statements, exaggerate the truth,
I can't believe the hate my show inspires (the hate his show inspires)
It's not just because I'm stupid (oh no)
It's not just because I'm scum (uh huh)
It's just because Republicans are liars (those dirty, filthy liars)
I am heartless, I am vain, insensitive, insane
They say that I'm a national disgrace (disgrace)
I am nasty (yes!), insulting (no!), basically revolting (uh huh)
I'm a concentrated pile of human waste (he's human waste)

I'm a nazi (he's a nazi)
(Sieg heil!) I really am
'Cause I'm a nazi (he's a nazi)
That's right, you're being scammed
I'm a nazi (he's a nazi)
I don't care about the middle class
'Cause I'm a sick Republican sleaze ball
With the face of a horse's ass
(He's a sick Republican sleaze ball) Ho!
(With the face of a horse's ass)

They say that this is not about my vanity
They doubt my sanity
They think I'm nuts (so nuts)
I am a cyst on the ass of humanity (eww!)
New Republican slogan: "Read My Putz"
(read his putz)
From the bowels of Adolf Hitler
Comes the voice of Rush Limbaugh, heh heh

In closing, let me say: that each and every day
I'm an evil, rotten, egotistical snob (evil, rotten)
I'm the Capo de Capo of Joe McCarthy-like gestapo
The right wing, foam-at-the-mouth, jackbooted slob
The Democratic-trashing, years of liberal bashing
With the equivalent compassion of a grommet (a grommet)
With the I.Q. of a fig; I'm a fat, obnoxious pig
And the truth of the matter is... I'm vomit (he's vomit)

'Cause I'm a nazi (he's a nazi)
(Sieg heil!) I really am
'Cause I'm a nazi (he's a nazi)
(Sieg heil!) You're being scammed
I'm a nazi (he's a nazi)
I don't care about the middle class
'Cause I'm a fear mongering scum bag
With the face of a horse's ass
(He's a fat conservative butthead) Hey!
(Sick Republican sleaze ball) Ha ha!
(Fear mongering scum bag) Ho!
(Egotistical ass wipe) Yes!
(Mean-spirited, hog wallowing, fat, conservative putz)
(With the face... of a horse's ass)

File this under:

Monday, September 19, 2005

Carpetbaggers At The Gate

What's wrong with this picture?

Besides the fact that the Heritage Foundation's Liberty Bell has no crack, that is...

Yep, that's Tricky Dick Cheney addressing The Heritage Foundation in 2003 (the pic is from the White House website).

You can bet your bottom dollar that any idea conceived inside the cold-looking building a few blocks down Massachusetts Ave. from DC's Union Station will harm great numbers of people and benefit a scant few.

Take this webmemo, called "President's Bold Action on Davis-Bacon Will Aid the Relief Effort," which recommends suspending provisions of the Davis-Bacon Act applying "to federally funded construction projects in the Gulf Coast areas hit by Hurricane Katrina."

Suspend minimum wage laws for rebuilding New Orleans?

That makes about as much sense as drilling the Arctic for 6 months worth of oil.


The Heritage Foundation carpetbaggers recommend that, too.

And now they claim that it will help Hurricane Katrina victims. What are these monsters thinking?

Other Heritage Foundation recommendations:

Tax credits

School vouchers

Don't cater to the wish lists of cities, parishes or counties, states, and stakeholders

Encourage investors and entrepreneurs to seek new opportunities within these cities

Repeal or waive restrictive environmental regulations that hamper rebuilding a broad array of infrastructure from refineries to roads and stadiums

Waive or repeal Clean Air Act (CAA) regulations that hamper refinery rebuilding and expansion

Waive or repeal gasoline formulation requirements under the Clean Air Act so as to allow gasoline markets to work more flexibly and efficiently and reduce costs to the American

Repeal the estate tax

Encourage public/private partnerships "through leasing" instead of constructing new public schools

Eliminate any-and-all barriers that prevent charitable and faith-based groups, as well as uncertified or non-union individuals," from participating fully in the reconstruction

We are all our brothers' keepers.

It's up to us to keep the Neocon Reptiles from raping and pillaging the survivors of Hurricane Katrina!

File this under:

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Today's Sermon: They're Birds

You can't make this stuff up: "March of the Conservatives: Penguin Film as Political Fodder."

Keep this in mind...

From William And Mary College...

Penguins may be cute, but hygiene-wise there is nothing cuddly about those birds! The island (and many of the less well-kept penguins!) were covered in pale pink material: the end product of an all-krill diet.

My image of penguins as exclusively adorable was also dispelled by their interactions with one another; when I asked Hugh if they worked together as a group, he laughed and replied, "Well, they actually hate each other, but they tolerate each other when they have to."This hostility was evidenced in the many raucous squabbles that we witnessed. Sometimes the birds even got physical!

Meanwhile, back to the fundies...

From the New York Times...

At a conference for young conservatives, the editor of National Review urged participants to see the movie because it promoted monogamy. A widely circulated Christian magazine said it made "a strong case for intelligent design."

Wait! There's More!

"March of the Penguins," the conservative film critic and radio host Michael Medved said in an interview, is "the motion picture this summer that most passionately affirms traditional norms like monogamy, sacrifice and child rearing."

And, of course, there's this...

March of the Penguins Leadership Workshop was developed by the 153 House Churches Network, and is conducted after theater or home video viewings of the film of the same name. LINK

As many attendees note, the unique approach that 153 House Churches Network uses to present the March of the Penguins Leadership Workshop ensures that it is not actually "taught" by anyone other than the Holy Spirit.

From the comments section:

It’s amazing how this workshop about penguins so clearly illustrated to me the inner workings of the Body of Christ, and provided vivid and stirring reminders of the strength, grace and love under fire that God has placed within the Body of Christ, and within our families, as well.

Leave it to fundies to find "evidence" of biblical proportion in a movie.

Thus Endeth Today's Sermon.

Go forth and learn the truth about penguins: They're birds.

Nothing more.

Nothing less.

I mean it, damn it!

File this under: .

Saturday, September 17, 2005

"Target Rich"

Words to describe the dead in the poorest and hardest hit neighborhoods in New Orleans.



Higher-than-expected death toll seen in clustered New Orleans corpses

By Michael Perlstein
Staff writer

Tentative optimism that New Orleans’ death toll from Katrina might be far lower than first projected has given way to somber reality over the past 36 hours as search and rescue squad turn up bodies by the dozen in the hardest hit areas of the city.

By mid-afternoon Friday, the black triangles used to designate human remains were multiplying on an emergency command center map. Federal Emergency Management Agency rescue squad liaison Charles Hood said a spike in discoveries Friday has started to take an emotional toll on rescue workers.

“Our squad members are getting access to trauma and grief counselors,” Hood said. “It’s becoming a very difficult task.”

The state is in charge of releasing Katrina’s official death total, which stood at 579 Friday evening. Hood said the periodic reports from his seven 80-person squads indicate the casualty count is going to jump in the coming days, but declined to speculate on what the number would climb to. One squad alone located and marked more than a dozen houses containing dead people on Friday.

“Parts of the city have become a target-rich environment for human remains,” Hood said. “We’re just now getting into the areas that experienced the most rapid inundation.”


Where's Karl Rove, the man in charge of Hurricane Katrina disaster relief?

Karl Rove managed to tear himself away from his reconstruction duties yesterday for a fundraising visit to Greensboro, N.C.

The Greensboro News and Record reports that he attended a Republican National Committee fundraiser at a private home.

File this under:

Friday, September 16, 2005

This Week's
Backside Of The Bell Curve


George W. Gump

From last night's carefully-staged adventure in teleprompting...

Message to Evacuees

"You need to know that our whole nation cares about you - and in the journey ahead you are not alone."

Tell that to this guy, who was rescued after 16 days, you schmuckwad!

Racism and Poverty

"Poverty has roots in a history of racial discrimination.... We have a duty to confront this poverty with bold action."

Oh, my stars! George W. sees poor people!

What're you gonna do, Dubya?

Start some kind of newfangled "Affirmative Action" program?

Emergency Planning

"I have ordered the Department of Homeland Security to undertake an immediate review ... of emergency plans in every major city."

Didn't you do promise to do that after 9/11?

By the way, your Homeland Security guy, Michael Chertoff, isn't exactly Mr. Can Do, is he?


"... in terms of this storm, particularly because it seemed to move to the east at the last minute, and I remember seeing newspaper headlines that said, you know, New Orleans dodged the bullet, on Tuesday morning, and even as everybody thought New Orleans had dodged the bullet Tuesday morning, the levee was not only being flooded, which is, I think, what most people always assumed would happen, but it actually broke."


Lies. Rhetoric. A pretense of embracing historic Democratic Party recovery plans.


Heaviest of sighs possible.

File this under:

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Give Me A Break?

There are some questions you don't have to ask yourself...

Am I thirsty?

Am I hungry?

Am I tired?

Or if you do have to ask, chances are you know the damned answer, right?

Yesterday, during a UN Security Council meeting, George W. Peanut-sized Bladder was caught writing an oh, so important note to Condi Rice, which reads...

I think I may need a bathroom break?

Is this possible...?

Here's the Reuters caption:

REUTERS/Rick Wilking

U.S. President George W. Bush writes a note to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice during a Security Council meeting at the 2005 World Summit and 60th General Assembly of the United Nations in New York September 14, 2005. World leaders are exploring ways to revitalize the United Nations at a summit on Wednesday but their blueprint falls short of Secretary-General Kofi Annan's vision of freedom from want, persecution and war.

I'm supposed to believe George W. Peanut-sized Bladder made it through grad school?

I'm supposed to believe the most powerful man in the world can't figure out that you go to the bathroom before a UN Security Council meeting?

I'm supposed to believe that George W. "Edumacation" President could pass his 3rd grade grammar test on the difference between declarative statements and questions?

And what was Condi Rice's answer?

Does she know if the president needs a bathroom break?

What does every grade schooler learn to do in these situations, George W.?

That's right! You raise your hand! You get a gold star, Georgie!

Does it get any more humiliating that this?

Is the question mark the new period?

Truly heavy sigh?

File this under:

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Cue Mia Farrow (circa 1966)!

"What have you done to its eyes?"

Supreme Court Chosen One, John Roberts

Hm. Roberts definitely looks like a young
Roman Castevet to me.

"He has his father's eyes, Rosemary."

Now we know why little Jack is such an imp.

File this under:

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

George W. Vacuum

Read the words carefully...

Bush: 'I take responsibility'

President George W. Bush took responsibility on Tuesday for
any failures in the federal response to Hurricane Katrina and acknowledged the storm exposed serious deficiencies at all levels of government four years after the September 11 attacks.

To the extent that the federal government didn't fully do its job right, I take responsibility," Bush told a White House news conference at which he openly questioned U.S. preparedness for another storm or a "severe attack."

Bush's rare admission of "serious problems in our response capability" came as
the White House stepped up efforts to repair his public standing. Bush will address the nation at 9 p.m. EDT (0100 GMT) on Thursday from hard-hit Louisiana, his fourth visit to the disaster zone since Katrina struck. --snip--

Asked if Americans should worry that the government remains unprepared to respond to another major disaster or a terrorist attack, Bush said: "Katrina exposed serious problems in our response capability at
all levels of government. --snip--

"Are we capable of dealing with a severe attack or another severe storm? That's a very important question and
it's in our national interest that we find out exactly what went on so we can better respond," he said at a news conference with Iraqi President Jalal Talabani. Link

While you're busy figuring out "exactly what went on," George W., here's what a body looks like after a week of your cake eating, guitar playing, and photo ops...

Hey, citizens! Don't hold your breath waiting for George W. to resign.

Ain't gonna happen.

The Blame Game crap didn't work, and this is the only way BushCo hopes to avoid a congressional inquiry.

Have you forgotten?

On 9/11, George W. AWOL flew west, out of harm's way. BushCo even lied about threats to Air Force One that day because they knew how bad it looked for the president to run away and hide.

One photo op with a bullhorn and George W. Scott Free "got on with his life."

And never forget: the infrastructure of New York City wasn't destroyed on 9/11. Survivors weren't abandoned. They weren't left to bloat in polluted, snake infested waters by an uninvolved federal government.

Take responsibility?

George W. Vacuum?

Never in a million years.

Did he take responsibility for handing Halliburton another juicy government contract last week?

Didn't think so.

File this under:

Duct Tape v Duck Tape

To all of you who emailed yesterday, asking if FEMA/ Duct Tape Guy's idiotic recommendation for surviving a terrorist attack via duct tape and plastic caused any health problems, Snopes says, "It is decidedly so."

Had George W. Disaster actually appointed Daniel Paulison (You'll never convince me Bush does anything but PR work), no doubt he would've still been clueless that he was promoting Duct Tape Guy.

Which brings us to today's critically important topic: Duct Tape v Duck Tape.

Here's the 411 on everyone's favorite tool...

Dear Duct Tape Users:

Is it Duct or Duck? We don’t want you to be confused, so we will explain. The first name for Duct Tape was DUCK. During World War II the U.S. Military needed a waterproof tape to keep the moisture out of ammunition cases. So, they enlisted the Johnson and Johnson Permacel Division to manufacture the tape. Because it was waterproof, everyone referred to it as “duck” tape (like water off a duck’s back). Military personnel discovered that the tape was good for lots more than keeping out water. They used it for Jeep repair, fixing stuff on their guns, strapping equipment to their clothing... the list is endless.

After the War, the housing industry was booming and someone discovered that the tape was great for joining the heating and air conditioning duct work. So, the color was changed from army green to the silvery color we are familiar with today and people started to refer to it as “duct tape*.” Therefore, either name is appropriate.

To the reader who spewed coffee all over a new laptop upon seeing the animated duct- taped duck gif in yesterday's post...

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Monday, September 12, 2005

Duct Tape & Plastic Guy
Replaces FEMA's Brown!

You simply can't make this stuff up!

Not only did George W. Duck 'N Cover NOT KNOW today that Michael Brown had resigned, he obviously has no idea that whoever's in charge hired Duct Tape & Plastic Guy to replace "Brownie."

David Paulison named as "FEMA Acting Head" - AP

4:57pm 09/12/05

Remember this?

Duct tape sales rise amid terror fears

Tuesday, February 11, 2003

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Americans have apparently heeded the U.S. government's advice to prepare for terror attacks, emptying hardware store shelves of
duct tape.

On Tuesday,
less than 24 hours after U.S. Fire Administrator David Paulison described a list of useful items, stores in the greater Washington, D.C. area reported a surge in sales of plastic sheeting, duct tape, and other emergency items.

These items, Paulison said, can be helpful after a biological, chemical or radiological attack.

A Lowe's hardware store in Alexandria, Virginia, said every roll of duct tape has been sold. Another Alexandria Home Depot store reported sales of duct tape tripled overnight.

As Isabel Looms, Plan Safety Strategies Now
Many people are 'seriously under-prepared,' experts warn

WEDNESDAY, Sept. 17 (HealthDayNews) -- As Hurricane Isabel takes aim at the East Coast, packing winds exceeding 100 mph, authorities urge residents to prepare for the worst.

"Any major storm, particularly one this size, is capable of causing widespread damage," said Ray Steen, a spokesman for the American Red Cross. "It's critically important that all potentially affected residents prepare now." --snip--

"Hurricane winds can turn cars over, so they can obviously blow your lawn furniture away," said David Paulison, director of preparedness for the Federal Emergency Management Agency. "Major injuries and deaths we have from hurricanes and tornadoes are from flying debris."

Just when you thought BushCo couldn't possibly screw up any worse than last week...

They prove us wrong...


File this under:

Quid Pro Quo:
So Much For Vermont Tourism

Rosemarie Jackowski protested the Iraq war on March 20, 2003, in Bennington, Vermont.

Rosemary Jackowski carried a sign depicting a dying Iraqi child on a gurney.

According to the Bennington Banner, Rosemary Jackowski was arrested and later found guilty of "intending to block traffic and annoy drivers when she stood in Bennington County's busiest intersection."

Rosemary's case made it all the way to the Vermont State Supreme Court.

Deputy State's Attorney Daniel McManus said that "when Jackowski refused to move from the intersection, she showed that she intended to block traffic and knowingly annoy drivers."

The maximum penalty for disorderly conduct, a misdemeanor, is two months in jail and a $500 fine.

Rosemarie Jackowski is 68 years old.

Rosemarie Jackowski is 4' 10" tall.

Rosemarie Jackowski is a US Air Force veteran.

Rosemarie Jackowski is prepared to go to jail if her appeal fails.

As for Bennington, Vermont...

Population (year 2000): 15,737
Males: 7,323 (46.5%), Females: 8,414 (53.5%)

Elevation: 681 feet

County: Bennington

Median resident age: 37.9 years
Median household income: $33,706 (year 2000)
Median house value: $98,400 (year 2000)

Races in Bennington:

* White Non-Hispanic (96.3%)
* Hispanic (1.0%)
* Two or more races (1.0%)
* American Indian (0.7%)
* Black (0.6%)

15,737 people.

How much damned traffic could one 68 year-old grandmother block?

How many damned drivers could she possibly annoy?

How bored are Vermont's prosecutors?

I just crossed Vermont off my Fall vacation list.

Heavy sigh.

File this under:

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Today's Sermon:
The Woo-Woo Credo

Woo-woos stink up internet chat rooms and blogs like over-ripe Stilton and/or rightwing TV pundits...

A scant few of the woo-woo rules (there are 41 in all):

Never look for the simplest, most obvious cause of something. Refrain from mentioning Occam's Razor (it's your nemesis).

Don't accept mainstream science unless it's something you've believed in for years (like gravity).

Try to answer as few direct questions as possible. Always obfuscate and try to sound learned.

Use "what if" scenarios to change the subject whenever possible. If you linger on one topic too long you may be asked to provide annoying things like "proof." Don't let that happen! Consult a creationist if you need practice with subject-changing.

If you're cornered and asked for proof of something, always tell the person that they "can't disprove" your claims. Many of them will just walk away shaking their heads, which of course means they agree with you. A side-to-side head shake could be the same as a vertical nod. Anything is possible, after all.

When all else fails, start asking hypothetical questions that have nothing to do with the actual debate. If your opponent chooses to ignore your pointless questions and remains on topic, repeat your meaningless question(s) over and over. This will make any Believers in the audience think that your opponent is evading the issue.

Thus Endeth Today's Sermon.

Go forth and read Logical Fallacies and the Art Of Debate.

And know thine enemy!

I mean it, damn it!

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Saturday, September 10, 2005


The New York Times published (cough) Elizabeth Bumiller's (cough) really honest sounding article in defense of George W. Notmyfault this morning.

Get this:

The president, long reluctant to fire subordinates, came to a belated recognition that his administration was in trouble for the way it had dealt with the disaster, many of his supporters say. One moment of realization occurred on Thursday of last week when an aide carried a news agency report from New Orleans into the Oval Office for him to see.

The report was about the evacuees at the convention center, some dying and some already dead. Mr. Bush had been briefed that morning by his homeland security secretary, Michael Chertoff, who was getting much of his information from Mr. Brown and was not aware of what was occurring there.


I guess we're supposed to ignore the fact that George W. Vacation Boy surveyed the damage from Air Force One on Wednesday. And ignore the fact that the White House phone logs will show dozens of calls from NO Mayor Nagin, LA Senator Landrieu, and LA Governor Blanco between Sunday and Wednesday. That would be "playing the blame game, " wouldn't it?

Honestly, Bumiller!

All you had to do was turn on CNN to see George W.'s reaction to Hurricane Katrina before he was informed that the people were rising up against him.

You're some piece of work, Bumiller!

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Friday, September 09, 2005

This Week's
Backside Of The Bell Curve


"What about the Middle Class Katrina victims? Huh?"

Here's what Michael Novak wrote about Hurricane Katrina victims...

It is not only those who did not evacuate in time that seem to have suffered horribly. I would love to see more reporting about the middle class — and sympathy for them, too. They are Katrina's victims, too.

Is it possible that many of them will not receive the insurance payments they are counting on, in order to get their lives started up again at a level not too far below where they were before the storm hit? Have they taken a permanent hit? How will many cope with that?

The poor may suffer worst of all, but they are not the only ones to taste bitter ashes in times of calamity, and to find their souls tested. Those of the middle class who worked hard (maybe even worked their way out of poverty), played by the rules, and set aside some resources for times of trouble, also deserve our help. Especially just at that exact moment when everything they made so many sacrifices to attain has been taken from them.

It was just then that Job was tried. So might we all be.

Yeah, Michael. Let's worry about the middle classers who had the means to escape the hurricane unharmed.

They're still alive, they weren't rounded up, separated from their families, or shipped off to parts unknown... like slaves.

Let's not dwell on the bodies of the poor, still floating in the water, Michael.

What about the wealthy classers, who've turned the NO city parks into their own private heliports? Shouldn't we worry about them, too, Michael? After all, isn't it just terrible that they have to hire private security guards to check on their houses... or, GAWD forbid, have to do it themselves?

It's one thing, Michael, to search for a new story angle.

It's quite another to ignore those poor souls completely abandoned by BushCo in this their time of need and focus on those with insurance policies and the means to get as far away from danger as possible.

Jesus wept when he looked into your soul, Michael.

Heaviest of possible sighs.

File this under:

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Take A Haik, W.!

Blog Post Title by omega minimo
Citation and commentary by truthisfreedom

This is a poem made up entirely of actual quotations from George W. Bush, arranged for "aesthetic" purposes, by Washington Post writer Richard Thompson. A wonderful poem like this is too good not to share.


I think we all agree, the past is over.

This is still a dangerous world.

It's a world of madmen and uncertainty

And potential mental losses.

Rarely is the question asked

Is our children learning?

Will the highways of the Internet

Become more few?

How many hands have I shaked?

They misunderestimate me.

I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.

I know that the human being

And the fish can coexist.

Families is where our nation finds hope,

Where our wings take dream.

Put food on your family!

Knock down the tollbooth!

Vulcanize society!

Make the pie higher!

Make the pie higher!

Thanks, guys! I needed a laugh!

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