Silly Saturday

Oh, the silly things you find on the web...

Really silly graffiti.

Fugly (and decidedly silly) craft projects.

And seriously silly failures (with pictures).

Have a silly Saturday!




"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Here's A Hint, Obama...

The exterior doors at the White House are the ones with Marine guards standing in front of them. Do you see a Marine guard, Mr. President?

No, that's an ornamental tree in a planter box, sir.

No, sir. Marine guards don't take breaks and leave the doors unattended.

By the way...




Clue #2: Doors have hinges; windows don't.

Heavy sigh.






"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

How's Your Weather?

We're having a happy little snow this morning.

Of course, local weather hairdos are predicting doom, gloom and horrible road conditions... because of 2" of the white stuff.

Republicans and weather reporters: trying to remain relevant in DC today.

Heavy sigh.



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Today's Sermon: Do The Horses Want To Be Purified By Fire, Too?

Ah, Spain! Where the truly religious demonstrate their glory to God annually by riding horses through flames... in a Saint Anthony purification ceremony.

St. Anthony, the finder of lost objects, became a Franciscan because he wanted to shed his blood for Christ and become a martyr. What a guy! What better way to make sure you'd be remembered throughout history?

And it worked. Anthony died at age 36 in 1231 and was canonized less than a year later...

And we're still taking about him today.

Oh, yeah. When "the heretics" wouldn't listen to Fr. "Death-Wish" Antony, he preached to the fishes.

No kidding.

Thus endeth today's sermon.

Go forth today and beware the martyr wannabes and their followers... because they want to die and they don't care if they take you with them.

And make them stop abusing innocent animals during their weird-assed religious rituals, too.

I mean it, damn it!





"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

A Fitting Tribute To George W. Bush

Tee hee.



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Good Riddance To Howard Dean (aka Rubbish)

Hillary Rodham Clinton has been confirmed as Secretary Of State (94-2), and Howard Dean has been replaced by Tim Kaine as DNC Chairman.

DNC formally elects Kaine chairman

WASHINGTON (AP) — The Democratic National Committee has elected Tim Kaine as the party's new chairman.

The vote was a formality and the outcome was expected.

President Barack Obama chose the Virginia governor for the post earlier this month. Kaine is a longtime ally who endorsed Obama for president in early 2007.

Kaine will serve as chairman on a part-time basis until his governor's term is up. He was elected to a four-year term in 2005.

The DNC post also is a four-year term.

So long, Howard! Your work is now done, isn't it? Enjoy your historical role as the man who rigged the Democratic Party's 2008 presidential primary election.

And don't let the screen door hit you in the ass on your way out.



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Mrs. O + Gold Sequins = Sore Thumb

Vera Wang is still weeping...




Yikes. Looks like Barack picked her up on an H ST corner just before sunup.


"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

In Case Of An Actual Emergency...

Good thing we aren't experiencing an actual emergency here on Capitol Hill today. We are experiencing:

No Sprint cell-to-cell service.

Spotty internet connections.

Red Line Metro shutdowns.

Ambulances stranded in traffic.

1.5 million people on the mall and a waaay bigger crowd along the inaugural parade route.

The best thing happening at the Capitol: Holy Joe Lieberman is getting booed. Big time. And Big Time Dick Cheney looks like hammered shit. On toast. Looks like he's had a stroke. That lame "he strained his back moving boxes" story is laughable. The last two things Cheney picked up were A.) a highball glass; and B.) a shotgun.

Wait. I lie. The funniest thing is George H.W. Bush walking like Danny DeVito in that Batman movie where he played the Penguin. No explanation yet as to why.

Waddle, waddle, H.W.!

They're introducing W. and Dick. Gotta go.




"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

"You Suck, W.!"

If you haven't seen Dick, you won't recognize the sentiment expressed in today's post title. Watch All The President's Men immediately before you watch Dick. You'll thank me for the suggestion.

Anyway, Sugar & I had the same idea for today's farewell to W.:




By the way, people have been walking down my street all night long... on their way to the Capitol for the Obama Show at noon today.

Yawn. I'm sleepy.



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

George W. Bush: "I Am Not A Crook"

No, I didn't watch the last Bush gasp of a thankfully dying presidency last night.

Neither did Ezra Klein, but he did have this to say:

A FAILURE.

I didn't watch the President's final speech. In fact, I didn't even think to watch it. I don't care to hear the tinny defenses. I don't care to rebut the desperate rationalizations. I don't care what a highly trained team of speechwriters can do with the data furnished by a highly trained team of political hacks who are working with the themes developed by a highly trained team of pollsters. At this point, the facts of the case are clear. Because George W. Bush was president, innocent people died in large numbers. Because George W. Bush was president, the earth warmed and disaster edged nearer. Because George W. Bush was president, more children live in poverty. Because George W. Bush was president, the rich wield more power. Because George W. Bush was president, more people hate America. Because George W. Bush was president, more Americans view the presidency cynically. Because George W. Bush was president, this country is worse off, and this world is worse off. He betrayed us. I have no interest in engaging the debate that asks whether he was a cynical monster or a hapless fool. It is enough to say he was a failure, and leave it at that. He can spend the rest of his life giving speeches to justify his actions. But he will never be able to drown out the roar of his record.

Sums up my disgust quite succinctly.

Thanks, Ezra.



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

The Last Bushism? Don't Hold Your Breath

From The Daily View:

From President George Bush's press conference Monday:
"I'm telling you there's an enemy that would like to attack America, Americans, again. There just is. That's the reality of the world. And I wish him all the very best."

Do what?

That's what he said, View.

However, don't assume that George W. will refrain from being an evil idiot after he leaves DC next week, OK? He's like a broken record.

Psst! If you're too young to understand the broken record analogy, click here.



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Which Would Look Better In Your Living Room Window?

This?




Or This?




Tacky is definitely in the eye of the beholder.




"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

George W.'s Last-Minute Infomercial

That's right!

George W. has asked the networks for 15 minutes of free air time this Thursday night.

For 15 minutes only!

Your last chance to see and hear George W. Failure try to con the American people into believing he's not an evil idiot.

What a crock.



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

George W., Of Course, Had No Idea...

...that his plane trip on Saturday was his last aboard Air Force One.

Until a reporter pointed it out.

Heaviest of sighs.




"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Bush To-Do List: 1. Ruin The Country; 2. Buy New China

You have got to be kidding me. My Bush Countdown Clock is almost down to single digits, and now this?

The first lady was careful not to mention the price tag when she introduced the new presidential plates: one, a table set of formal china in white, green and gold; the other for the residence painted with magnolias in honor of the old trees outside the White House windows.

Laura Bush said she and her husband plan to fly straight to the Bush ranch Jan. 20 and will move to their new residence in Dallas "once the paint dries."

White House press secretary Dana Perino made little of the first lady's timing to introduce the new china, saying there's "no time but the present."

The White House worried that general wear and tear had taken a toll on its fragile China collections and Perino says the Bushes took some time to decide on a new design.

General wear and tear?

What have there been... 5 or 6 state dinners during the last 8 years?

And riddle me this: Who will want to eat food plated on top of a big old magnolia blossom?

Laura Bush: her taste is all in her mouth.

But you already knew that, didn't you?




"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

The Coolest News Story In Ages

Charming!





A little boy teaches other Ethiopian children how to read.

And there's a donkey-led bookmobile, too.

Cool!




"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

The US Constitution Recognizes Senator Roland Burris

The Moral v Legal arguments for and against recognizing and seating the new senator from Illinois make great cable TV debate; however, as anyone who's ever read Antigone has learned the hard way, moral arguments won't save you in a court of law.

Ahem. The dean of the UC Irvine law school concurs:

The Supreme Court's conclusion could not be clearer or more on point: "In short, both the intention of the framers, to the extent that it can be determined, and an examination of basic principles of our democratic system persuade us that the Constitution does not vest in the Congress a discretionary power to deny membership by a majority vote."

The desire of Senate Democrats, and even Obama, to keep Blagojevich from picking the new senator from Illinois is understandable -- a federal attorney arrested the governor on charges of trying to sell the appointment for personal gain. Although Burris is untainted by the scandal, any selection made by Blagojevich is suspect.

But the taint of Blagojevich's alleged crimes does not justify ignoring the Constitution. For the last eight years, the Bush administration has ignored or twisted the Constitution to serve what it believed were higher ends. It would be an enormous mistake, as a new administration prepares to take charge, for Democrats to send the Senate down that same path.

Erwin Chemerinsky is the dean of the UC Irvine School of Law.

Get it?



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Today's Passive Eugenics Report

It's Darwin Awards time again.

2008 winners:

The Balloon Priest 8.9 (14508 votes)

DA:Run! No, Run Away! 7.8 (5091 votes)

Merry Pranksters 7.8 (4057 votes)

Pining Away 7.8 (7362 votes)

Thou Shalt Not Steel 7.7 (5676 votes)

Not a Shred of Sense 7.7 (5712 votes)

Chemistry Went To Her Head 7.7 (5491 votes)

Boner! 7.7 (7195 votes)

Wascally Wabbit 7.7 (5260 votes)

Clotheslined! 7.6 (3517 votes)

Pierced! 7.6 (5991 votes)

On the Piste 7.6 (2826 votes)

Going to Seed 7.4 (2829 votes)

Slippery When Wet 7.1 (2215 votes)

A Screw Loose 7.1 (3653 votes)

Into the Abyss 6.6 (3087 votes)

Shopping Cart Crash 6.5 (2621 votes)

Early Retirement Plan 6.5 (2346 votes)

An Illuminating Story 6.4 (3382 votes)

Organ Donors 5.7 (3525 votes)

What a piece of work is man.




"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Today's Sermon: This 'Living Like Jesus Stuff'

I kid you not. Megachurch Rev. Ed Dobson claims he spent a year "living like Jesus."

Would someone who really lived like Jesus say this?:

"I'm getting up every day not worried about what doesn't work; I'm getting up concerned about how do I live out this Jesus stuff."

Priceless. Note the reporter getting sucked into the story:

The retired megachurch pastor and one-time architect of the religious right has spent the last year trying to eat, pray, talk and even vote as Jesus would. His revelation: Being Jesus is tough.

"I've concluded that I am a follower, but I'm not a very good one," Dobson said. "If you get serious about the Bible, it will really mess you up."

The creepiest part: In Dobson's mind, if a Jew can live like a Jew for a year, so can he... even if it means no burritos for a while.

He decided to devote a year to living like Jesus after reading "The Year of Living Biblically," A.J. Jacobs' best-selling account of obeying Bible commands as literally as possible. If a non-religious Jew could do it, Dobson decided, so could a practicing Christian.

That meant following Old Testament laws about eating, clothing and behavior, since Jesus was a Jew whose followers created Christianity. Observing kosher dietary requirements to not mix meat and dairy products, Dobson gave up his beloved chicken-and-cheese burritos.

"I can't wait to order it for the first time" in the new year, he said with a chuckle.

I'm so sure that Dobson only dined on legally prepared Kosher and Pareve foods, aren't you?

What a crock.

How many Kosher kitchens were responsible for Dobson's year of meals?

In Kosher-observant kitchens, there are actually two sets of dinnerware, one strictly for meat meals and one for dairy meals (including pots & pans & knives & every other utensil used). They are NEVER mingled. Period. Even the ingredients are usually stored on different shelves and in different cabinets. The dishes aren't even washed together.

I don't believe for a minute that this Dobson fellow lived remotely like Jesus. Had he really done so, would he now be boasting about how difficult it was?

Ahem.

The Pharisee stands by himself and he prays and he says, "God, I thank you that I am not like other people. I am not a thief. I am not a rogue. I am not an adulterer. I am certainly not like this tax collector over here. I fast twice a week. I give away a tenth of my income."

That is his speech. He goes on interminably like that. Then the tax collector says (he won't look up to the heaven; he looks at his shoe tips), "God be merciful to me, a sinner."

Then Jesus says, "I tell you this man (the tax collector) went to his house justified rather than the other for all who exalt themselves will be humbled and all who humble themselves will be exalted."

Thus endeth today's sermon.

Go forth today and beware the Pharisee.

I mean it, damn it!



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Silly Saturday: "Cinescape," My Ass

Today's lesson- How To Make 2008's Movies Look A Zillion Times Better Than They Actually Were: Skillfully edit a bunch of clips together from 2008's major motion pictures and set the whole thing to important-sounding music.





List of films, in order of appearance:

-The Dark Knight
-Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
-Wall-E
-Quantum of Solace
-Iron Man
-Defiance
-Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
-Australia
-Forgetting Sarah Marshall
-Wall-E
-The Curious Case of Benjamin
-The Dark Knight
-Frost/Nixon
-Wall-E
-The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
-Slumdog Millionaire
-Milk
-Seven Pounds
-Revolutionary Road
-Pineapple Express
-Speed Racer
-Burn After Reading
-Ghost Town
-Revolutionary Road
-Quantum of Solace
-Rachel Getting Married
-Australia
-Role Models
-Choke
-The Tale of Despereaux
-Cloverfield
-Zack and Miri Make a Porno
-The Visitor
-Milk
-Be Kind Rewind
-Synecdoche, New York
-The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
-Doubt
-Wall-E
-W.
-Get Smart
-Iron Man
-Tropic Thunder
-Iron Man
-Tropic Thunder
-Doubt
-The Reader
-Happy-Go-Lucky
-The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
-Valkyrie
-Frost/Nixon
-Yes Man
-The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
-The Wrestler
-Revolutionary Road
-Snow Angels
-In Bruges
-Waltz with Bashir
-Wendy and Lucy
-Rachel Getting Married
-Get Smart
-Hamlet 2
-Hancock
-The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
-Cloverfield
-Wall-E
-The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
-The Day the Earth Stood Still
-The Dark Knight
-FADE OUT

-FADE IN
-The Dark Knight
-The Incredible Hulk
-Wall-E
-Seven Pounds
-Wendy and Lucy
-The Wrestler
-Australia
-The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
-The Dark Knight
-Wall-E
-Cloverfield
-Australia
-Miracle at St. Anna
-Waltz with Bashir
-Valkyrie
-Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
-Rachel Getting Married
-Pineapple Express
-The Dark Knight
-Defiance
-Che
-Valkyrie
-Australia
-Defiance
-Quantum of Solace
-Slumdog Millionaire
-The Wrestler
-Revolutionary Road
-The Dark Knight
-Defiance
-Australia
-Iron Man
-Cloverfield
-The Strangers
-Defiance
-Wall-E
-Slumdog Millionaire
-Revolutionary Road
-Synecdoche, New York
-Defiance
-Iron Man
-The Day the Earth Stood Still
-Waltz with Bashir
-The Dark Knight
-Australia
-The Wrestler
-Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
-Cloverfield
-The Dark Knight
-Pineapple Express
-Defiance
-Rachel Getting Married
-Milk
-Quantum of Solace
-Defiance
-Kung Fu Panda
-Pineapple Express
-Seven Pounds
-The Wrestler
-Iron Man
-Eagle Eye
-Frost/Nixon
-Revolutionary Road
-The Reader
-Milk
-Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
-Gran Torino
-Che
-The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Maybe 2009 will bring better movies.

I certainly hope so.

And... No, they didn't all suck like brand new Hoovers. A couple of them were pretty good.

But, as a whole, the films of 2008 were not ticket-purchase-price worthy, very few are even Netflix-rental worthy, and most of them are top contenders for the "I hope they're On Demand cable options so I can fast forward through them" prize.

Have a silly Saturday, and find something good to watch.



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

20 Days, George W.

Judging by this photo, George W. no longer gives a shit.

And he can't tell shit from Shinola, either.





Thanks to Planet Hiltron for the photo.

Happy New Year, y'all!



"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
-Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.