George W.'s Very Good Year

George W. actually said: "It's been a good year for the American people."

He added (very quickly): "It appears to me that the Congress understands we got to keep the Patriot Act in place, that we're still under threat, there's still an enemy that wants to harm us," he said.

George W. (R, Subject-Verb Agreement Impaired) has obviously forgotten a few things...



For the rest of those things George W. 2005 Memory Loss has "forgotten," check out the list.

I'm taking my first blog vacation for the next few days, but I'll be back Jan. 1, 2006.

Stay safe, remain ever vigilant, and keep sending me your awesome links!

Delilah


File this under: It takes time to un-Griswold the house and fight fascism at the same time!

How Many Of These Gadgets Have You Owned?

I've owned 12 out of the top 50:

PC World's list of the top 50 tech gadgets of the last half century was assembled after we polled our editors for nominations. We then rated the nominated gadgets for usefulness, design, degree of innovation, influence on subsequent gadgets, and the "cool factor." Here are the results. (For more on our 50 Greatest Gadgets project, see the full story.)

1. Sony Walkman TPS-L2 (1979)
2. Apple iPod (2001)
3. (Tie) ReplayTV RTV2001 and TiVo HDR110 (1999)
4. PalmPilot 1000 (1996)
5. Sony CDP-101 (1982)
6. Motorola StarTAC (1996)
7. Atari Video Computer System (1977)
8. Polaroid SX-70 Land Camera (1972)
9. M-Systems DiskOnKey (2000)
10. Regency TR-1 (1954)
11. Sony PlayStation 2 (2000)
12. Motorola Razr V3 (2004)
13. Motorola PageWriter (1996)
14. BlackBerry 850 Wireless Handheld (1998)
15. Phonemate Model 400 (1971)
16. Texas Instruments Speak & Spell (1978)
17. Texas Instruments SR-10 (1973)
18. Diamond Multimedia Rio PMP300 %281998)
19. Sony Handycam DCR-VX1000 (1995)
20. Handspring Treo 600 (2003)
21. Zenith Space Command (1956)
22. Hamilton Pulsar (1972)
23. Kodak Instamatic 100 (1963)
24. MITS Altair 8800 (1975)
25. Radio Shack TRS-80 Model 100 (1983)
26. Nintendo Game Boy (1989)
27. Commodore 64 (1982)
28. Apple Newton MessagePad (1994)
29. Sony Betamax (1975)
30. Sanyo SCP-5300 (2002)
31. iRobot Roomba Intelligent Floorvac (2002)
32. Microsoft Intellimouse Explorer (1999)
33. Franklin Rolodex Electronics REX PC Companion (1997)
34. Lego Mindstorms Robotics Invention System 10 (1998)
35. Motorola DynaTAC 8000X (1983)
36. Iomega Zip Drive (1995)
37. Magnavox Magnavision Model 8000 DiscoVision Videodisc Player (1978)
38. Milton Bradley Simon (1978)
39. Play, Inc Snappy Video Snapshot (1996)
40. Connectix QuickCam (1994)
41. BellSouth/IBM Simon Personal Communicator (1993)
42. Motorola Handie Talkie HT-220 Slimline (1969)
43. Polaroid Swinger (1965)
44. Sony Aibo ERS-110 (1999)
45. Sony Mavica MVC-FD5 (1997)
46. Learjet Stereo-8 (1965)
47. Timex/Sinclair 1000 (1982)
48. Sharp Wizard OZ-7000 (1989)
49. Jakks Pacific TV Games (2002)
50. Poqet PC Model PQ-0164 (1990)

My advice: Never buy the first generation model of any new gadget. Cool your jets and wait for the debuggers to do their thing before you reach for the check book or the credit card.

File this under: New Year's Resolutions aren't just for diets!

You may Say Bill Clinton's A Dreamer...

Crank up the volume,
Click here, and
Sing along!

File this under: It's easy if you try.

Today's Sermon: Keeping Christmas

The coffee is made, the presents are under the tree, the stockings are bulging, and for the next few minutes, the house is quiet...

Which brings us to today's sermon on the blog: Keeping Christmas.

Writing of Scrooge, post-visitations, Dickens penned: "And it was always said of him that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge."

How To Keep Christmas in 2006:

Be kind.

Be kind to the workers...





Be kind to the travelers...





Be kind to the fun seekers...







Be kind to the daredevils...










Be kind to the insecure...








Be kind to the red-assed monkeys...





Be kind to the bored...

Be kind to the truly creative...

Be kind to the terminally stupid...











Thus Endeth Today's Sermon.

Go forth today, determined to keep Christmas all year long, no matter what you believe in.

For kindness, like mankind, should be our business.

I mean it, damn it!


File this under: An apple, a pear, a plum, a cherry. Any good thing to make us all merry!

Oh, My God! They Killed Rudolph!

File this under: Another casualty in the never-ending Christmas War!

The Cruel (Christmas) War Is Raging!

And it's being fought in America's Heartland^TM...

Lebanon, Pennsylvania.

Where most people are white, of German ancestry, and Where rape, robbery, assault, and larceny are the most popular crimes. Where the median income is $27,259. Where the Black race population percentage is significantly below state average, the Hispanic race population percentage is significantly above state average, the number of college students is below state average, and the percentage of population with a bachelor's degree or higher is significantly below state average.

Get the picture?


Grinchy remark sends kids home in tears
By RORY SCHULER
Staff Writer
Lebanon Daily News

Theresa Farrisi stood in for Schaeffer’s regular music teacher one day last week. One of her assignments was to read Clement C. Moore’s famous poem, “A Visit from Saint Nicholas” to a first-grade class at Lickdale Elementary School.

“The poem has great literary value, but it goes against my conscience to teach something which I know to be false to children, who are impressionable,” said Farrisi, 43, of Myerstown. “It’s a story. I taught it as a story. There’s no real person called Santa Claus living at the North Pole.”

Farrisi doesn’t believe in Santa Claus, and she doesn’t think anyone else should, either. She made her feelings clear to the classroom full of 6- and 7-year-olds, some of whom went home crying.



Santa a famiy (sic) tradition
By CHRIS SHOLLY
Staff Writer
Lebanon Daily News

CAMPBELLTOWN — Don’t tell Cindy Risser there is no Santa Claus. She knows him personally. Her father, Mark Houser, is the town Santa.

In fact, playing Santa Claus has become a family tradition for Houser, who took over the role from his father, Norman Houser, in 1986. Norman, who died of cancer in 1988, had been the town Santa for 45 years.





Holiday decorators show patriotism
By KAREN SHUEY
Staff Writer
Lebanon Daily News

This Christmas, employees at Good Samaritan Hospital traded traditional holiday colors of red and green for red, white and blue.

The hospital held its annual decorating contest earlier this month, and this year’s theme focused around patriotism. --snip--

Dr. Carla Pielmeier and the other four members of her office received first-place honors for their patriotic salute to American troops overseas. Her display included a mannequin dressed in Army fatigues with the words freedom, liberty and justice flowing out of his knapsack. In his arms, the soldier holds a baby and a package named security.



Ho, ho, oh, no!
Lebanon Daily News

Warning: Adult content ahead. This material should be reviewed by parents of young children to determine if it’s in their best interests to share it.

Sometime late tonight, or at least before dawn, a time when not even the mice are stirring (implying a rodent-infestation problem of which you may not be aware) a number of consternating things will occur on your property. --snip--

The more litigious of our population will find no end of reasons to run off to the corner lawyer for a snowstorm of lawsuit-filing and cease-and-desist order-demanding. --snip--

Just how jaded have we become? Have we forced all the magic out of the world? Have we legislated it away, or deleted it due to religious zealotry, or merely ignored it to death?



Don’t shackle intelligence gatherers
By Dan Sernoffsky
Lebanon Daily News

It is frustratingly ironic that the so-called civil libertarians of the left have become so enamored with their hatred for the liberties put forth in the Constitution that they insist upon shielding Americans from Christmas by invoking a nonexistent “separation of church and state” (while ignoring the clause that says “Congress shall make no law ... prohibiting the free exercise thereof ...)



Churchman: Right jolly old elf promotes ‘idol worship’
By RORY SCHULER
Staff Writer
Lebanon Daily News

BETHEL — While controversy swirls over a substitute teacher who told first-graders that Santa Claus doesn’t exist, a local dairy farmer and church deacon has put the same message in a very public place.

By erecting a sign along the eastbound side of I-78, between the Bethel and Grimes exits, Leonard H. Martin has taken it upon himself to shatter the myth of Santa Claus for any youngster able to read the message from the back seat of a car as their parents drive by.

It marks the second consecutive year that Martin has posted what he termed a spiritual message on his land adjacent to I-78.

Last year, the sign stated, “Santa is a myth, lying to our children brings moral decay.”

For this season, Martin toned it down slightly. The sign now reads, “Worship God, who is all knowing & all seeing, Santa is a Myth.”

Yes, it's Christmas Eve in Lebanon, and the cruel war rages on.

Thank God and Santa for Wal-Mart! Otherwise, the good citizens wouldn't have a definitive authority to turn to for guidance!

File this under: America's Heartland-- wherever you find the most dumb asses per square inch pretending to be the country's moral compass.

Happy Saint UPS FedEx Day!

Is this your 2005 Christmas?


World's largest Santa snow sculpture (China)

Have you seen this man?

These Christmas comics are timeless:








But this is your 2005 Christmas from BushCo, Inc.:









File this under: Happy "Waiting for Saint UPS FedEx Day!"

To: George W. BushFrom: Santa

Impeachment Greetings!




File this under: Lying about Clinton & Carter won't make Santa happy, George! And what are we supposed to tell the children about the president's secret spy club?

Democrat's calls routed through Canada: One of Bush's "foreign intercepts?"

When AT&T filed suit against Bernie Ebbers' WorldCom, this little factoid was merely icing on the cake:

AT&T's filing today also cited additional instances of domestic U.S. Government telephone calls that were routed through Canada for completion, including calls for the U.S. Department of Defense, the U.S. Army and the U.S. Navy. On July 28, AT&T cited domestic calling traffic of several U.S. Government agencies, including the Department of State and the Postal Service, as part of the scheme to defraud AT&T and its shareowners.

Further, the AT&T filing included examples of in-state calls between the Wisconsin district offices of U.S. Rep. Ron Kind (D-Wisc.). The offices are pre-subscribed to MCI/WorldCom for long-distance calling, but calls between the offices were routed over AT&T's network after being diverted through Canada.

AT&T's filing today said MCI/WorldCom achieved the deception by:

* Separating out only the calls to the most expensive independent telephone companies, thus reducing the likelihood that the scheme would be discovered;

* Routing the calls through three intermediaries, thus hiding the fact that the calls were MCI/WorldCom's customers;

* Routing the calls through a foreign country, thus further concealing the source and setting up the next step; and

* Taking advantage of the knowledge that upon delivery to AT&T's network, MCI/WorldCom's "customer traffic commingled with literally trillions of minutes of calls on the AT&T network each year."

So much for Bush's "We don't intercept domestic-to-domestic calls" defense.

Besides, we already know that BushCo's been spying on domestic groups, like Quakers and vegans.

What's a little spying on Democrats?


File this under: Bush broke the law enacted to prevent Nixonian abuses. If you still support the president, you're just as bad as he is.

1:35 PM EST Today: The Reason For The Season

The precise moment of the 2005 solstice will be December 21, 2005 at 1:35 P.M. EST (18:35 UT).

In the Northern Hemisphere, the winter solstice occurs either December 21 or 22, when the sun shines directly over the tropic of Capricorn; the summer solstice occurs either June 21 or 22, when the sun shines directly over the tropic of Cancer. In the Southern Hemisphere, the winter and summer solstices are reversed.

Reason for the Seasons

The reason for the different seasons at opposite times of the year in the two hemispheres is that while the earth rotates about the sun, it also spins on its axis, which is tilted some 23.5 degrees towards the plane of its rotation. Because of this tilt, the Northern Hemisphere receives less direct sunlight (creating winter) while the Southern Hemisphere receives more direct sunlight (creating summer). As the Earth continues its orbit the hemisphere that is angled closest to the sun changes and the seasons are reversed.

Longest Night of the Year

The winter solstice marks the shortest day and the longest night of the year. The sun appears at its lowest point in the sky, and its noontime elevation appears to be the same for several days before and after the solstice. Hence the origin of the word solstice, which comes from Latin solstitium, from sol, "sun" and -stitium, "a stoppage." Following the winter solstice, the days begin to grow longer and the nights shorter.

File this under: Brought to you by the Scientific Method... a rigorous, systematic use of observations and logic to attempt to support or falsify possible explanations of natural phenomena.

Today's George W. Stupid News Stories

Keep this proverb in mind: Ignorance can be fixed; stupidity is forever.

Bush: spying program to continue

By Adam Entous

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - U.S.
President George W. Bush said on Monday he broke no laws in authorizing spying on Americans with suspected ties to terrorism and declared he would continue the practice despite concern that it infringes on civil liberties.--snip---

"As president of the United States and commander in chief I have the constitutional responsibility and the constitutional authority to protect our country," he said.

Whoever has convinced George W. Failed Biz Man that being Commander-in-Chief of the US Military means "Commander of The Entire Country" should be tried for treasonous stupidity!

US freeing Saddam's 'Dr. Germ' and 'Mrs. Anthrax'

By Gideon Long and Alastair Macdonald

BAGHDAD (Reuters) - U.S. forces in
Iraq are freeing "Dr Germ and "Mrs. Anthrax," two of
Saddam Hussein's leading biological warfare experts, following the failure to find weapons of mass destruction, lawyers said on Monday. --snip--

Baghdad lawyer Badia Aref said Taha and Ammash were among 26 senior detainees in the process of being released. U.S. military spokesman Lieutenant Colonel Barry Johnson said eight "high-value detainees" had been freed on Saturday, and were among 27 senior prisoners judged to be eligible for release.

So much for that deck of "Most Wanted Iraqis" playing cards purchased by thousands of Bush loyalists! This gives "not playing with a full deck" new meaning, doesn't it? Whoever convinced George W. WMD Hunter that releasing Dr. Germ & Mrs. Anthrax was a good idea should be forced to explain why these two women, if they really ever were dangerous, no longer are. Skills and knowledge don't just evaporate. Only the truly stupid would think they do!

New Bolivian leader poses challenge to US policy

By Angus MacSwan

SAO PAULO, Brazil (Reuters) - The election of Evo Morales as Bolivia's president poses new challenges to the Bush administration in Latin America, where its unpopularity is growing and the left is on the ascendancy. --snip--

Ultimately how the United States handles Bolivia could set the scene for how its reacts to a string of elections across the region next year which could bring more leftist leaders.

Whoever convinced George W. Weekends Off that he could bully and/or ignore our neighbors to the south probably recognizes Bush's inability to walk and chew gum at the same time, but that doesn't make said adviser any less stupid!

House Passes Deficit Cuts to End Year

By JIM ABRAMS, Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON - House lawmakers opened the way for oil drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge and approved $29 billion for hurricane relief during an all-night session Monday bringing their legislative year to a close.

The House also narrowly passed a plan to cut deficits by almost $40 billion over five years in legislation hailed by GOP conservatives as fiscal discipline and assailed by Democrats as victimizing medical and education programs for the poor. --snip--

(Spending on Medicare will fall by $6.4 billion and Medicaid by $4.8 billion. Another $13 billion will be saved from student loan programs, in part by establishing a fixed 6.8 percent interest rate instead of maintaining lower variable rates.)

The largest single savings in Medicare would reduce anticipated federal funding for the private HMOs established under 2003 Medicare legislation.

Officials said the changes to Medicaid include an attempt to make it harder for the elderly to transfer their assets to children or others in order to qualify for federal nursing home benefits.

And George W. Bubble Boy wonders why people don't like him? Is he so stupid that he has no idea how much his Republican-controlled US Congress hurts working families?

Let's recap...

George W. Stupid believes he's the Commander-in-Chief not just the military, but of you and me. Even 8th graders know better!

George W. Stupid believes that he can ignore all of those countries attached at the Texas hip, and it won't affect us. Ask Poland about that, George!

George W. Stupid obviously has no idea that cutting Medicare, raising interest on student loans, and making it harder for families to get nursing home care for their loved ones makes him unpopular. How about asking the Katrina homeless, George?

To those lurking freepers who've put me on their anonymous hate mail lists...

Still think George W. is brilliant? I have two words for you: Harriet Miers.


File this under: Stupid is as stupid does.

The Preacher Man's Guide To "Brokeback Mountain"

Of course, WorldNetDaily's Dr. Ted Baehr hates this year's must-see film!

That's a given.

It's the Vocabulary List Of Hate that sets his review apart:

twisted
laughable
frustrating
plotless
boring
politically correct
leftwing media
leftwing elites
Gay Mafia
nightmarish homosexual rape
scandal
haunted
castrated
evil message
mocks
Jesus Christ
strong heterosexual fathers
guilt
perverted
apathetic father
strong foul language
explicit sex scenes
explicit nudity
sadomasochism
sexual repression
sodomites
neo-Marxist propaganda
leftists
radical feminists
communists
homosexual perverts

Choice quotes from the "review":

Hollywood keeps trying its best to ruin the spirit of the western.

Thus, in the end, the ultimate goal of the filmmakers behind "Brokeback Mountain" is to send a politically correct message about how awful American society is in its treatment of homosexuals.

To complement this evil message is a scene where Jack mocks people who go to church and who sing hymns about Jesus Christ.

This ain't Disney, Ted! No one forced you to buy the ticket and sit through this film. And no one ever claimed that it was going to appeal to "Sons of Katie Elder" fans.

And you don't know jack about reviewing films, either. Anyone who cites "Tombstone" as a shining example of modern western films is obviously deluded. What a yawner!

Occasionally, a film comes along which exposes the raw truth of our national identity and forever raises the reality bar for future films: "Brokeback Mountain" is this year's contribution. The last film I remember causing such an uproar among Kitch Nation Defenders was "Midnight Cowboy."



File this under: Jesus Christ! What a twisted, perverted evil message from a Hollywood actor's son!

Today's Sermon: Caroling At KKKarl Rove's House

Last night, I joined a merry band of Christmas carolers for an hour of joyous celebration of the Christmas season...

Singing Christmas carols outside KKKarl Rove's house.

20 of us met up at the Tenleytown-American University Metro station, took the shuttle to campus, and walked five blocks to KKKarl's house.

When we arrived, we were greeted graciously by 3 District police vehicles, 6 of the District's finest, and (not graciously) by 2 pathetic freepers (freerepublic.com fascist fundie wackos) determined to spoil our Christmas joy.

The officers were, however, polite and respectful of our right to use the public walkways and city streets for our merrymaking.

The more we ignored the sad little freepers, though, the louder they yelled, "Freepers!" I have no idea why they feel the need to chant in such an anti-Christian, obviously Satanic way, but freepers never make sense, anyway.

Having a bullhorn with us helped, though! Our carols were heard loudly and clearly throughout the neighborhood.

It warmed our hearts to know that DC's finest were on the spot to protect KKKarl Rove's house and family while elsewhere in the city...

Actual crimes were being perpetrated.

And DC's finest were ever vigilant: their blinding flashlights shone upon us, and one of their number scouted the perimeter of KKKarl's red brick house while we sang.

Even KKKarl's neighbors came out to enjoy our Christmas songs, and many applauded our efforts!

I hope that KKKarl, either hiding behind blackout curtains or hiding at Camp David with George W. Weekends Off, appreciates the spirit of our Christmas offering to him.

It was all for you, KKKarl!

Treason's Greetings, Asshole!

Thus endeth today's sermon.

Go forth and share the spirit of the season with someone you know who needs a few well-chosen carols!

I mean it, damn it!

File this under: On the first day of fascism Gonzales gave to me a department of Homeland Security!

Frist Votes To Kill Patriot Act

Well, he did it.

Even if he claims that it was "purely as a parliamentary move that enables him to call for a second vote at some point in the future," and even though he "changed his vote at the last moment," Frist The Cat Killer's vote to 86 the so-called "Patriot" Act has been recorded for all to see.

On the Senate vote, two Democrats supported the GOP-led effort to advance the bill to a final vote, Tim Johnson of South Dakota and Ben Nelson of Nebraska. Sununu and GOP Sens. Larry Craig of Idaho, Chuck Hagel of Nebraska and Lisa Murkowski of Alaska voted to block the measure. Frist initially voted to advance the bill, then switched to opposition purely as a parliamentary move that enables him to call for a second vote at some point in the future.

Frist will surely try to pull one of his famous super-secret dead-of-night votes fairly soon, but for now, The "Patriot" Act is deader than Jacob Marley.

As for Tim Johnson and Ben Nelson...

I'm sure their backside of the Bell Curve constituents (with their Dubya-loving voting patterns) were major considerations.

On the torture-loving side of the aisle...

These 4 (plus Frist) thwacked George W. Stalin:

(Craig, Frist, Hagel, Murkowski, and Nelson)

The US Constitution still means something to some US senators...

For the moment.

File this under: You're either "with" the US Constitution, or you're "against" it.

Hey, Republicans! Approve of BushCo's Spying?You're Next, Suckers!

In 2002, President George W. Bush signed a secret (probably Double Super Secret) presidential order, authorizing the NSA (trans. Conoleezza Rice, et al) "to eavesdrop on Americans and others inside the United States to search for evidence of terrorist activity without the court-approved warrants ordinarily required for domestic spying."

"So what?" Joe Sixpack Republicans will ask.

"No biggie," young Americans will chime in.

"Doesn't affect you if you're innocent," BushCo cable news telebimbos will scream in split-screen glory.

"After 9/11, we have to be able to spy on people in order to protect the citizens of the USA!" White House officials and assorted Republican congressional leaders will lament.

So I'm asking all Republicans:

Are you sure you approve of
George W. Bush's domestic spying on American citizens?

You'd better be damned sure when you support Bush's Nixonian domestic spying...

Because you're next, Suckers.

You read that right, damn it!

George W. Bush has pried open the door that Democrats slammed soundly shut on Richard Millhouse Nixon's infamous domestic spying cabal.

If, indeed, you approve of Bush's secret presidential order, and if you actually believe that 9/11 has made it necessary for your government to tap domestic phones and spy on US citizens, don't expect Democrats to dismantle such operations when they become the majority party. We wouldn't want you to think that Dems are "soft on terrorism," would we?

If you approve of BushCo spying on American citizens, you must also approve of a future Democratic administration doing the same thing... and delving into Republican Party activities that threaten to undermine a Democratic administration's ability to wage war on terrorism.

And what about local and national businesses and elected Republican officials in bed with Chalabi (the man who lied us into war), the Saudis, the Carlyle Group, China? Shouldn't they be monitored for anti-administration activities?

If, however, you recognize the fact that BushCo suspended their domestic spying last year (fearing discovery just ahead of the 2004 presidential election) and begged the New York Times NOT to publish this story after sitting on it for a year... and you know in your heart that the US Constitution forbids such nefarious governmental abuse and that it's just plain wrong...

You'd better speak now.

Or forever hold your peace.

I mean it, damn it!

Psst! Those of you who approve of Bush's Spy On Americans policy are

This Week's
Backside Of The Bell Curve
Winners!



File this under: You, too, should be mad as hell about this, damn it!

Beware the terrorists: Quakers, the disabled, and grandmothers...

Oh, my!

There are about 20 of these "terrorists." They meet in a Lake Worth (Florida) Quaker meeting house. They discuss "terrorist" plans for peace.

So, of course, they ended up on the Pentagon's "Terrorist Watch List."

The Truth Project meeting, held at the Quaker Meetinghouse, was one of nearly four dozen antiwar meetings or protests listed on the 400-page document generated by an obscure Pentagon agency that analyzes intelligence reports on suspicious domestic activity, according to the report aired Tuesday on NBC's Nightly News.

The database classified the Lake Worth meeting as one of more than 1,500 "suspicious incidents" across the country over a recent 10-month period.

Here's what we did at peace rallies in the Nixon Era:

1. Take lots of pictures-- especially of strangers attending your meetings.

(The man doesn't like having his picture taken.)

2. Smear mud across your car's license plate-- and add some on the bumpers for authenticity.

(The man writing down the license number has to work harder.)

3. Ask everyone attending to introduce themselves.

(The man doesn't like attention.)

4. Invite your local ACLU attorneys.

(The man doesn't want to be included in a class action suit.)

5. Serve refreshments.

(The man doesn't want to leave fingerprints on a paper cup.)

Above all, trust but verify! Don't let the Pentagon get away with this new Nixonian domestic spying crap!

I mean it, damn it!


File this under: While you're watching us, we're watching you.

Let's Bake A Cruitflake! Make That A Fruitcake!

My Favorite Fruit Cake Recipe

Ingredients:
1 cup water
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
nuts
bottle of whiskey

Procedure:
Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Hic. Cry another tup.

Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.

Sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey again. You can't lisk it going bad on you.

Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window, check the whiskey again and go to bed.

File this under: Recipes for the best defense in the War On Christmas.

George W. Bubble Boy

You'll never convince me that George W. Bush is not plain vanilla stupid:

Brian Williams: "How do you wake up on a Monday morning -- I brought some visual aids, I have Newsweek and Time -- the cover of Newsweek, look what they've done to you. ' Bush's World; The Isolated President: Can He Change?'"

Bush chuckles.

Williams: "And inside Time, it says: ' Bush's Search for His New Groove .' Time Magazine says you're out there talking to people, and Newsweek says you're in here not talking to people. So what is the truth, Mr. President?"

Bush: "Well, I'm talking to you. You're a person."

Williams: "This says you're in a bubble, you have a very small circle of advisers now."

Bush: "Yeah."

Williams: "Is that true?"

Bush: "Uh."

Williams. "Do you feel in a bubble?"

Bush: "No, I don't feel in a bubble. I mean, you feel in a bubble in the sense that I can't go walking out the front gate and go shopping, like I'd love to do for my wife -- although I'm a man, I'm not going to tell you what I'm gonna buy her."

You can read the transcripts of Brian Williams' 3 interview segments with President Bubble Boy or watch the videos-- if you have a strong stomach.

Better yet, check out Wonkette's description of Brian Williams' White House VIP treatment the day he conducted these "interviews."

File this under: Bubbles aren't just unstable. They're not even ephemeral. They're momentary.

Separated At Birth?

File this under: You can't make this stuff up, y'all!

Why Does BushCo Keep Doctoring Soldiers' Images?

Answer: It's fast and easy!

From that new ridiculous Republican "White Flag Democrats" web ad:





That soldier pictured was actually watching a Christmas classic in the original 2003 photo:






Hey, Republicans! Why does BushCo have to manipulate photos?

It's easy, and they've done it before:





More questions for Republicans:

Do you like it when the Bush administration lies to the country?

Are you so filled with hatred that you approve anything that makes the majority of Americans against this BushCo war look weak?

What else is the Bush administration lying about?

File this under: Cheaters never prosper... unless you let them!