To Chertoff, Villains Are Hackers, Bloggers & Reporters

What a total waste of time, money and manpower!

$3 million wasted, and another "Cyber Storm" war game is planned for this March.

The dumbest part of the 2006 "Cyber Storm" war game...

WASHINGTON (AP) -- It's the government's idea of a really bad day: Washington's Metro trains shut down. Seaport computers in New York go dark. Bloggers reveal locations of railcars with hazardous materials. Airport control towers are disrupted in Philadelphia and Chicago. Overseas, a mysterious liquid is found on London's subway.

And that's just for starters.

No, wait! That's not the dumbest part. This is...

The laundry list of fictional catastrophes - which include hundreds of people on "No Fly" lists suddenly arriving at airport ticket counters - is significant because it suggests what kind of real-world trouble keeps people in the White House awake at night.

Let me get this straight...

The White House can't sleep at night because they worry about hundreds of people on No Fly lists showing up at airport ticket counters?

Is there an evil cabal of No Fly Listers, who've managed to organize in the same American city and all arrive at the same airport on the same day? If so, Homeland Security really sucks in the USA, doesn't it?

And if there is, ... well, to do what?

Stand in line with Non-No Fly Listers and cause "dramatic" delays in check-ins?

What else would they accomplish by this fiendish plot to arrive together? Bring explosive devices to the airport? Possibly, but...

Would those doofus Barney Fifers at the airport even realize what was going on before it actually happened and manage to work together to thwart a random act of mayhem?

Of course not.

Besides, if you're on the No Fly list, you're a known quantity. What self-respecting evil cabal would send a known quantity --or hundreds of known quantities-- to do its evil bidding?

It's the unknown quantity, stupid Chertoff.

And the "blogger threat" is just as stupid. What do you want people to do during an emergency?

Watch FOX?

Of course, you do.

But here's the funniest part of this whole hot cyber mess...

However, the government's files hint at a tantalizing mystery: In the middle of the war game, someone quietly attacked the very computers used to conduct the exercise. Perplexed organizers traced the incident to overzealous players and sent everyone an urgent e-mail marked "IMPORTANT!" reminding them not to probe or attack the game computers.

Sheesh!




Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Pretend You Don't See Her...

... and hope no one notices.

Senator Barack H. Obama claims he wasn't snubbing Senator Hillary R. Clinton when he turned his back on her Monday night. He even claims that Claire McCaskill was asking him a question.

Take a look...




Now look at "Claire McCaskill asking a question"...




I'd really like to believe B.H. Obama because I believe, at heart, that he's a good man; however, McCaskill's zipped lips, Senator H.R. Clinton's outstretched hand, and the fact that I don't believe for a New York minute that B.H. Obama would ignore the initial public exchange between Kennedy and H.R. Clinton --after Ted's Obama endorsement-- all point to a pretty dumb move.

Miss Manners would say: Advantage Clinton.



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Does Bush Really Think $20 Can Help Kids?

Short answer: Of course, not. Bush's math skills are just as weak as his language skills, and besides... he just reads the big print his handlers put in front of him; you can't honestly expect him to understand the meaning, can you?

One Bush Left Behind
by Greg Palast

Here’s your question, class:

In his State of the Union, the President asked Congress for $300 million for poor kids in the inner city. As there are, officially, 15 million children in America living in poverty, how much is that per child? Correct! $20.

Here’s your second question. The President also demanded that Congress extend his tax cuts. The cost: $4.3 trillion over ten years. The big recipients are millionaires. And the number of millionaires happens, not coincidentally, to equal the number of poor kids, roughly 15 million of them. OK class: what is the cost of the tax cut per millionaire? That’s right, Richie, $287,000 apiece.

Mr. Bush said, “In neighborhoods across our country, there are boys and girls with dreams. And a decent education is their only hope of achieving them.”

So how much educational dreaming will $20 buy?

-George Bush’s alma mater, Phillips Andover Academy, tells us their annual tuition is $37,200. The $20 “Pell Grant for Kids,” as the White House calls it, will buy a poor kid about 35 minutes of this educational dream. So they’ll have to wake up quickly.

-$20 won’t cover the cost of the final book in the Harry Potter series.

If you can’t buy a book nor pay tuition with a sawbuck, what exactly can a poor kid buy with $20 in urban America? The Palast Investigative Team donned baseball caps and big pants and discovered we could obtain what local citizens call a “rock” of crack cocaine. For $20, we were guaranteed we could fulfill any kid’s dream for at least 15 minutes.

Now we could see the incontrovertible logic in what appeared to be quixotic ravings by the President about free trade with Colombia, Pell Grant for Kids and the surge in Iraq. In Iraq, General Petraeus tells us we must continue to feed in troops for another ten years. There is no way the military can recruit these freedom fighters unless our lower income youth are high, hooked and desperate. Don’t say, ‘crack vials,’ they’re, ‘Democracy Rocks’!

The plan would have been clearer if Mr. Bush had kept in his speech the line from his original draft which read, “I have ordered 30,000 additional troops to Iraq this year – and I am proud to say my military-age kids are not among them.”

Of course, there’s an effective alternative to Mr. Bush’s plan – which won’t cost a penny more. Simply turn it upside down. Let’s give each millionaire in America a $20 bill, and every poor child $287,000.

And, there’s an added benefit to this alternative. Had we turned Mr. Bush and his plan upside down, he could have spoken to Congress from his heart.

Remember when the entire country went nuclear on Newt Gingrich's ass over his attempt to cut support for Big Bird (Public TV)? And when the Republicans tried to do it again in 2005?

You know how much American households were actually paying in taxes to support Public Television programming?

About the cost of 2 postage stamps.



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

23 WaPo Paragraphs Later, The Winner Is...

There's nothing like clicking on The Washington Post's article, "Democratic Nominee 'Picked' at Va. College" --which details the 100th year of Washington and Lee University's mock convention-- and having to read 22 paragraphs (paragraphs 21 and 22 hinted at the final outcome) to get to the winner...

In the end, the tally was not that close. With 2,025 votes needed for the nomination, Clinton had the backing of 2,117 delegates; Obama, 1,642; former senator John Edwards (N.C.), 288; former senator Mike Gravel (Alaska), 2.

Typical WaPo fish wrap coverage.



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

The Meaning Game

Click Here for today's video sermon.

Confused?

That's the grand plan.

Thus endeth today's sermon.

Go forth today and consider the meaning of life, especially the meaning of your own life.

And refuse all wooden nickels; however, if they're thrust upon you, dump them into the collection plate where they belong.

And tell the Mormons that I'll only post their comments if they refrain from vulgar language.

I mean it, damn it!



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Silly Saturday: Time To Clean Your Computer Monitor!

Just
Click Here
For A Clean Screen!

Now, wasn't that fun?

Have a silly Saturday!



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

$300 Won't Spell Relief For The Working Poor, Damn It!

Let's get real. $300 = a few fill ups; a couple of weeks of groceries; running shoes for the kids; eyeglasses; a month of utility bills... maybe; or --as one 20-something told me-- one fun-filled evening of alcoholic stupor-filled partying. Get this:

Whether the measure actually will stabilize a jittery economy was the subject of debate, however. Bernard Baumohl, managing director of the Economic Outlook Group, said the package -- and the emergence of brief bipartisan comity after so many months of partisan infighting -- would have a positive psychological impact on markets and investors.

But he cautioned: "Practically speaking, this plan is not expected to have any meaningful impact on the economy until much later this year, perhaps in the fourth quarter. Even then, it's unlikely we'll see more than an extra blip in GDP growth."

Under the deal, nearly everyone who earned a paycheck in 2007 would receive at least $300 from the Internal Revenue Service -- $103 billion in total. Most people would receive rebates of $600 each, or $1,200 per couple. Families with children would receive an additional payment of $300 per child. Workers who earned at least $3,000 last year -- but not enough to pay income taxes -- would be eligible for $300.

Overall, 117 million families would receive rebate checks, including 35 million with earnings too low to have qualified under an earlier Bush proposal that limited checks to income tax payers. Rebates would be limited, however, to single taxpayers with adjusted gross income up to $75,000 -- up to $150,000 for couples. Above that, the benefit would phase out until hitting zero for individuals with adjusted income of about $87,000, $174,000 for couples.

The money would be borrowed and would increase the federal deficit.

So...

Where's this money coming from?

From more US debt and from your future earnings, of course.

And what did the Republicans get in this deal?

The package would temporarily increase the size of "jumbo" mortgages that can be bought by government-sponsored Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, from $417,000 to as much as $729,750 in high-cost housing markets.

And...

Problem is this stimulus package that isn't going to do a damn thing for the economy except force Uncle Sam to borrow more money from foreign sources and force a garage sale of more assets to Dubai and China.

And...

The package also includes close to $50 billion in business tax cuts.

So...

Who really makes out like bandits gets instant economic relief?

Banks (credit card payment relief), the stock market (jittery nerves relief), Real Estate professionals ("jumbo" commissions relief), retailers (foreign electronics sales relief), and families who have to get by on a mere $174,000 per year (disposable income relief).


Let's hope the senate can fix this "bipartisan" Band Aid deal and get real relief to those who truly need it right now.



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Watch Bill Clinton Humiliate Reporters!

You've read the hype. You've seen Pabst Blue Ribbon pundit panels "debate" the hype.

Now watch what really happened...




If you still think that everything you read about Bill Clinton is factual, think again.

And get down on your knees and thank goodness for YouTube.



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Woman On Leash Cries Discrimination (Not About The Leash)

OK, legal eagles. Riddle me this...

A woman in London, who is a self-proclaimed "pet," says a bus driver who won't let her and her "master" board his bus is discriminating against her.

Hm. Is she a pet, or is she a person?




What the "pet" says:

"It is definitely discrimination, almost like a hate crime," 19-year-old Miss Maltby said yesterday.

The music technology student had this defence of her lifestyle.

"I am a pet, I generally act animal like and I lead a really easy life," she said.

"I don't cook or clean and I don't go anywhere without Dani. It might seem strange but it makes us both happy. It's my culture and my choice. It isn't hurting anyone."

People are strange, indeed.

That being said, I have to admit that I'd gladly let a talking human pet ride my bus... as long as she could pay the fare.

What do you think?



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Who's The last Person On Earth You'd Like To Celebrate MLK Day 2008 With?

Obvious answer:

US President George W. Bush (C) leans over to talk with a girl (R) after Bush participated in a lesson for young children on the importance of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day during a tour of the Martin Luther King, Jr. Memorial Library in Washington, DC, 21 January 2008. By Saul Loeb/AFP/Getty.

That little girl is a class act in my book.

The Secret Service would've hauled my lilly white ass off to Gitmo if that man had touched me.



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Meet The Nation's First Black Lesbian Mayor

Cambridge City Council Elects Nation's First Black Lesbian Mayor

The city council of Cambridge, Mass., voted unanimously this week to elect the nation’s first openly lesbian black mayor, according to a story in The Cambridge Chronicle. Denise Simmons, a member of the council since 2001, will succeed Ken Reeves, who is also black and gay.

Simmons’s election marks “another broken glass ceiling,” said Chuck Wolfe, president and CEO of the Victory Fund, a group that supports and endorses LGBT political candidates.

“We are enormously proud of Mayor Simmons,” Wolfe said in a press release. “Like Mayor Ken Reeves before her, she is among our community’s trailblazers.”

FYI...

Cambridge, Massachusetts is a city in the Greater Boston area of Massachusetts, United States. It was named in honor of the University of Cambridge in England. Cambridge is most famous for the two prominent universities that call it home: Harvard University and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. As of the 2000 census, the city population was 101,355. It is the fifth most populous city in the state.

Congratulations, Madame Mayor!




Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Today's Sermon: Colson (R- Convict) Still Cashing In On Crimes

How long will The Washington Post keep paying convicted Watergate criminal, Charles Colson, for spewing his "I'm right with God" gassbaggery?

Here's his latest lament on how "pride," his personal weakness which led to his public downfall, is nothing unusual. In fact, Colson repeats his "I didn't do anything that everyone else hasn't done"/ "pride made me do it" mantra like a broken 1973 record player arm:

Pride Before Many Falls

I would agree with C.S. Lewis, who wrote in "Mere Christianity" that pride is the chief of sins. Down through the years it has been man’s abuse of God’s authority, his malice toward his fellow men, which has created the preponderance of human grief.

And this all comes back to pride and ego. As Lewis put is, “The moment you have a self at all, there is a possibility of putting yourself first—wanting to be at the centre—wanting to be God . . .”

We all suffer from pride, and it breeds many of the other vices: envy, anger, greed, and sometimes lust. None of us are free from it and yet, as Lewis writes, “everyone loathes [it] when he sees it in someone else; hardly . . . ever [imagining] that they are guilty themselves.”

In fact it was this very passage that first began to open my eyes to my need for Christ. After Tom Phillips read me these passages in his home in Boston in 1973, I saw key events of my life paraded before me as on a screen. From my choice to join the Marines, to cramming through law school nights, to marrying into the right family, to angling for my position as Special Counsel to the President, I had been driven out of pride. Even what looked like self-sacrifice to the outside world had been on pride’s behalf.

Not only was this devastatingly true in my own life it continues to plague the world in which we live. As Lewis goes on to say, “. . .it is Pride which has been the chief cause of misery in every nation and every family since the world began. Other vices may sometimes bring people together. . . .But Pride always means enmity.”

The moral of Colson's crap: Blame pride, and ye shall prosper.

Thus endeth today's sermon.

Go forth today and consider those like Chuck Colson, who insist on blaming everything and everyone for their crimes... namely, by equating serious civil crimes with sins. After all, barring some major breakthrough in interferon research, someday Colson's obituary will be published. And his crimes will forever be his legacy.

Ask yourself: Who's Colson trying to convince? God or the WaPo obit writers?

Think about it.

I mean it, damn it!



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Silly Saturday: Do You Hate This As Much As I Do?

Just think about it.

Someone thought this would be a great sofa design.

And someone had to find people to manufacture it.

And store owners to sell it.




You think that sofa was weird?

Take a look at some of their other weirdness.



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

2 Out Of 3 Republicans Want To Marry Their Siblings

Well, look for yourself before you accuse me of lying.

Exhibit #1: Mr. & Mrs. Huckabee





Exhibit #2: Jenna Bush & Henry Hager (Wedding date: May 10, 2008)





Exhibit #3: Condi Rice & Someone Without Marriage In Mind




2 out of 3.

What's the matter? That's how Republicans distort statistics.

Bite me.




Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Hey, Obama! Thanks For The Nice Republican Political Ad Material!

For months, Republican presidential candidates have tried in vain to channel their inner Reagans. After all, Reagan is their singular shining (though Alzheimer-brained, gun-running criminal, and AIDS-ignoring) star.

How weird is it then that Barack Obama, attempting to slight (not wound, but just slight) the Clintons, hands Republicans their 2008 Reaganesque mantra?: No One Changed America Like Reagan!

Here's some "Reagan Changed America" material for your next major gaffe, Obama:




Got that, Obama? God help us if you don't STFU!




Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Wanted: 2008's Stupidest Young Republicans

It's that time again.

Hopefully, it's the last year for this particular internship application process:

Dear Friends,

The application deadline for the Summer 2008 White House Internship is February 26, 2008. If you know students and/or organizations that may be interested in this information please share this with them.

We are looking for a well-qualified, diverse group of applicants who would like to intern here for President Bush.

A White House Internship is an opportunity for current students and recent graduates to experience everyday life at the White House while working with high-level officials on a variety of tasks and projects.

Strong applicants should exhibit:

· Sound academic credentials

· A demonstrated interest in public service

· Solid written and verbal communication skills

· A history of community involvement

· Strong character and leadership skills

Beyond experiencing the day-to-day operations of the White House, interns participate in a speaker series, tours, community service projects, and various White House events.

For more information please visit our website at: www.whitehouse.gov/intern.

Applications should be submitted to intern_application@whitehouse.gov on or before February 26, 2008 for the Summer 2008 Internship.

If you have any questions please contact White House Personnel at 202-456-5979.

Thank you!

Mr. Paris Dennard

The White House

I have a question:

How stupid would a young Republican have to be to sign on with BushTitannic, Inc. this summer?



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Bush's Latest Dumbass Press Conference

You've got to be kidding me.

Can this man really be this stupid about modern Israeli/Palestinian history?




Guess so.

Here's the end of the presser:

Q Mr. President George Bush -- you launched war against Iraq after the Iraqi leadership refused to implement the United Nations resolutions. My question now is, what is the problem to ask Israel just to accept and to respect the United Nations resolutions relating to the Palestinian problem, which -- facilitating the achievement of ending the Israeli occupation to the Arab territories and facilitating also the solution between Palestinians and the Israelis?

And for Mahmoud Abbas, did you ask President George Bush to ask Israel to freeze settlements fully in order to enable negotiations from success?

PRESIDENT BUSH: Yes, but tell me the part about the U.N. thing again? What were you -- I couldn't understand you very well.

Q I just asked why you ask Israel to accept the United Nations resolutions related to the Palestinian problem, just to facilitate the solution, and to end the occupation.

PRESIDENT BUSH: Actually, I'm asking Israel to negotiate in good faith with an elected leader of the Palestinian Territory to come up with a permanent solution that -- look, the U.N. deal didn't work in the past. And so now we're going to have an opportunity to redefine the future by having a state negotiated between an elected leader of the Palestinian people, as well as the Prime Minister of Israel. This is an opportunity to move forward. And the only way for -- the only way to defeat the terrorists in the long run is to offer an alternative vision that is more hopeful. And that's what we're attempting to do, sir.

We can stay stuck in the past, which will yield nothing good for the Palestinians, in my judgment. We can chart a hopeful future, and that's exactly what this process is intending to do; to redefine the future for the Palestinian citizens and the Israelis.

I'm confident that two democratic states living side by side in peace is in the interests not only of the Palestinians and the Israelis, but of the world. The question is whether or not the hard issues can be resolved and the vision emerges, so that the choice is clear amongst the Palestinians -- the choice being, do you want this state, or do you want the status quo? Do you want a future based upon a democratic state, or do you want the same old stuff? And that's a choice that I'm confident that if the Palestinian people are given, they will choose peace.

And so that's what we're trying to do, sir.

PRESIDENT ABBAS: (As translated.) The settlement for us is considered an obstacle for negotiations, and we have spoke more than once with Mr. Prime Minister Olmert, very frankly. And we also spoke in this meeting with President George Bush, and consequently, the President understood this issue. And we have heard the statements given by the Secretary of State, Dr. Rice, and she has -- her point of view regarding settlements was very positive.

Q President Bush, Prime Minister Olmert said that peace is not alive here as long as Gaza militants continue their threats on Israel. How do you see, President, about -- (inaudible) -- from Gaza?

And for you, President Abbas, how do you intend, actually, to get control of Gaza, and do you think this is possible by the end of the year and by the end of Mr. Bush's presidency?

PRESIDENT BUSH: First of all, Gaza is a tough situation. I don't know whether you can solve it in a year, or not. But I know this: It can't be solved unless the Prime Minister -- the President has a vision that he can lay out to the people of Gaza that says, here's your choice: Do you want those who have created chaos to run your country, or do you want those of us who negotiated a settlement with the Israelis that will lead to lasting peace?

There is a competing vision taking place in Gaza. And in my judgment, Hamas, which I felt ran on a campaign of, we're going to improve your lives through better education and better health, have delivered nothing but misery. And I'm convinced his government will yield a hopeful future. And the best way to make that abundantly clear is for there to be a vision that's understandable.

See, the past has just been empty words, you know. We -- actually it hasn't been that much -- I'm the only President that's really articulated a two-state solution so far -- but saying two states really doesn't have much bearing until borders are defined, right of return issues resolved, Jerusalem is understood, security measures -- the common security measures will be in place. That's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about a clear, defined state around which people can rally.

And there's going to be -- there will be no better difference, a clear difference, than the vision of Hamas in Gaza and the vision of the President and the Prime Minister and his team based here in Ramallah. And to me, that's how you solve the issue in the long-term. And the definition of long-term, I don't know what it means. I'm not a timetable person -- actually, I am on a timetable -- got 12 months. (Laughter.) But I'm impressed by the President's understanding about how a vision and a hopeful future will help clearly define the stakes amongst the Palestinian people.

PRESIDENT ABBAS: (As translated.) Gaza it is considered a coup by us, we consider it a coup d'etat what happened in Gaza. Now -- we consider it a coup d'etat. (Laughter.) And we deal with Gaza at two levels. The first is that we deal with the people as part of us and we take full responsibility that is necessary towards our people. We spend in Gaza 58 percent of our budget. This is not to -- it is our duty towards our people that we provide them with all the need.

As for the issue of Hamas, we said that this is a coup and they have to retreat from this coup and they have to recognize international legitimacy, all international legitimacy, and to recognize the Arab Initiative, as well. In this case we will have another talk.

PRESIDENT BUSH: Thank you, all.

I'm sure Bush and his handlers are happy that the idiot never actually answered a single question.

I'm also sure that Bush probably gets gold stars on a poster board chart every time he pleases his handlers.

The stars probably stand for more treadmill time, ice cream, or J&B straight up.

Naaah.

Bush is most likely an on-the-rocks kinda guy.



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Test Question (See Photo): Which One Is The Bird Brain?

Time's up.

Pencils down.



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Today's Sermon: "Mark Of The Beast" Removal Options

What would you do if you recognized "the mark of the beast" on your hand?

Really. What would you do?

Would you...

1. Consult a Biblical scholar?

2. Locate your nearest plastic surgeon?

3. Chop off your hand and microwave it?

4. Seek psychological counseling?
*
*
*
*
*

If you guessed #3, read on...

Man sees 'mark,' cuts off hand

HAYDEN, Idaho (AP) -- A man who believed he bore the biblical "mark of the beast" used a circular saw to cut off one hand, then he cooked it in the microwave and called 911, authorities said.

The man, in his mid-20s, was calm when Kootenai County sheriff's deputies arrived Saturday. He was in protective custody in the mental health unit of Kootenai Medical Center.

"It had been somewhat cooked by the time the deputy arrived," sheriff's Capt. Ben Wolfinger said. "He put a tourniquet on his arm before, so he didn't bleed to death. That kind of mental illness is just sad."

It was not immediately clear whether the man has a history of mental illness. Hospital spokeswoman Lisa Johnson would not say whether an attempt was made to reattach the hand, citing patient confidentiality.

The Book of Revelation in the New Testament contains a passage in which an angel is quoted as saying: "If anyone worships the beast and his image and receives his mark on the forehead or on the hand, he, too, will drink the wine of God's fury."

The book of Matthew also contains the passage: "And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for you whole body to go into hell."

Wolfinger said he didn't know which hand was amputated.

And people think this guy is crazy?

Thus endeth today's sermon.

Go forth today and consider this:

Chances are that the people interviewed for this story probably consider themselves devout Christians. (Hey, we are talking Idaho, after all.)

What kind of Christian thinks believing in the Bible is crazy?

Probably the same ones familiar with laser tattoo removal.

Think about it.

I mean it, damn it!



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Silly Saturday: Weirdest. Wedding Cake. Ever.

Think I'm kidding?

Sorry, it's real.

Insert your own "That certainly takes the cake" or "How about a piece of ass?" metaphor here.

Have a silly Saturday!

Maybe you should bake a silly cake.


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

The Backside Of The Bell Curve Is Back!

This Week's Winner



George W. Bush

Honestly, has this man ever visited a single place without totally embarrassing the USA? Of course, not. This headline is, sadly, no surprise:

Gaffe overshadows Bush visit

There's more:

But, despite optimistic comments that there could be a deal on a Palestinian state by the end of the year, an off-the-cuff remark about checkpoints threatens to overshadow the trip.

"You'll be happy to know, my whole motorcade of a mere 45 cars was able to make it through without being stopped," Bush said after being asked about the 30-minute journey from Jerusalem and Ramallah.

"I'm not so exactly sure that's what happens to the average person."

Not funny, Bush. How many Israelis and Palestinians have died at that checkpoint?

And then, there's this Bush lie:

Bush was forced to travel by car to meet Mahmoud Abbas, the Palestinian president, in the West Bank after his helicopter was grounded by bad weather.

Ahem.

The weather in Jerusalem on the day of the Bush gaffe:

Dry and partly cloudy with winds under 9mph.

Granted, this gaffe just shows how Pure D dumb Bush is. It doesn't even begin to address the powder-keg approach he's proposing in the name of "peace":

A "contiguous" Palestinian territory

Israel must give up land occupied since the Six Day War

And this weird idea:

Bush also urged Israel, which frequently mounts raids into the West Bank, not to take action that undermines Abbas's security forces.

"There needs to be a fair amount of work to modernise the [Palestinian] security forces... my message to Israelis is that they ought to help, not hinder [them]," he said.

Paging Joe Lieberman!

Are you happy now?

Just asking.









Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Today's List Of Superdelegate Endorsements

Just thought you might like to see the current tally of committed superdelegates, considering Senator John Kerry's endorsement of Barack Obama today:

Clinton
President Bill Clinton
VP Walter Mondale (MN)
Gov. John Balducci (ME)
Gov. Mike Beebe (AR)
Gov. Jon Corzine (NJ)
Gov. Jennifer Granholm (MI)
Gov. Ted Kulongoski (OR)
Gov. Eliot Spitzer (NY)
Gov. Martin O'Malley (MD)
Gov. Ruth Ann Minner (DE)
Gov. Ted Strickland (OH)
Gov. Tagiola Tulafono (A Samoa)
Sen. Hillary Clinton (NY)
Sen. Daniel Inouye of Hawaii
Sen. Barbara Mikulski of Maryland
Sen. Chuck Schumer of New York
Rep. Gary Ackerman of New York
Rep. Michael Arcuri of New York
Rep. Robert Andrews of New Jersey
Rep. Timothy Bishop of New York
Rep. Joseph Crowley of New York
Rep. Eliot Engel of New York
Rep. Kirsten Gillibrand of New York
Rep. John Hall of New York
Rep. Alcee Hastings of Florida
Rep. Brian Higgins of New York
Rep. Maurice Hinchey of New York
Rep. Steve Israel of New York
Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee of Texas
Rep. Nita Lowey of New York
Rep. Carolyn Maloney of New York
Rep. Doris Matsui of California
Rep. Carolyn McCarthy of New York
Rep. Jim McGovern of Massachusetts
Rep. Michael McNulty of New York
Rep. Gregory Meeks of New York
Rep. Jerrold Nadler of New York
Rep. Richard Neal of Massachusetts
Rep. Frank Pallone of New Jersey
Rep. Charles Rangel of New York
Rep. Jose Serrano of New York
Rep. Louise Slaughter of New York
Rep. Edolphus Towns of New York
Rep. Stephanie Tubbs Jones of Ohio
Rep. Nydia Velazquez of New York
Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz of FL
Rep. Anthony Weiner of New York
Thurbert Baker (GA)
Michael Thurmond (GA)
Rep. John Lewis (GA)
Tommy Irvin (GA)
Robert Menendez (NJ)
Michael Mauro (IA)
Rep. Lynn Woolsey (CA)
Sen. Diane Feinstein (CA)
Rep. Dennis Cardoza (CA)
Rep. Jane Harman (CA)
Rep. Tom Lantos (CA)
Rep. Grace Napolitano (CA)
Rep. Laura Richardson (CA)
Lucille Roybal-Allard (CA)
Rep. Brad Sherman (CA)
Rep. Hilda Solis (CA)
Rep. Ellen Tauscher (CA)
Rep. Diane Watson (CA)
Manny Rodriguez (CO)
Maria Handley (CO)
Rep. CA Dutch Ruppersberger (MD)
Rep. Barney Frank (MA)
Rep. Diane DeGette (CO)
Rep. David Scott (GA)
Rep. Emanuel Cleaver II (MO)
Rep. Corrine Brown (FL)
Rep. Kendrick Meek (FL)
Sen. Evan Bayh (IN)
Rep. Tammy Baldwin (WI)
Rep. Yvette D. Clarke (NY)
Rep. Darlene Hooley (OR)
Rep. Bill Pascrell (NJ)
Rep. Albio Sires (NJ)
Sen. Debbie Stabenow (MI)
Rep. Jay Inslee (WA)
Rep. Henry Cuellar (TX)
Rep. Ruben Hinojosa (TX)
Rep. Stephen Lynch (MA)
Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse (RI)
Rep. Jim Langevin (RI)
Rep. Leonard Boswell (IA)
Rep. Marion Berry (AR)
Rep. Mike Ross (AR)
Rep. Vic Snyder (AR)
Sen. Mark Pryor (AR)
Rep. Joe Sestak (PA)
Rep. Allyson Schwartz (PA)
DNC Dina Titus (NV)
DNC Tim Sullivan (WI)
Rep. Donald Payne (NJ)
Sen. Maria Cantwell (WA)
Del. Donna M Christensen (VI)
DNC Terri McAuliffe
DNC Don Fowler
DNC Joe Andrew
Fmr. Sen. Dick Gephardt
DNC Jackie Stevenson
DNC Rick Stafford
DNC Kenneth McClintock
DNC Francisco Domenec
DNC Jennifer McLellan
DNC Joe Cryan (NJ)
DNC Tonio Burgos (NJ)
DNC June Fisher (NJ)
DNC Sandy Opstvedt (IA)
DNC Fagafaga Langkilde (A Samoa)
DNC Deanna Fuimaono (A Samoa)
DNC Nathaniel Savali (A Samoa)
DNC Mary Eva Candon (DC)
DNC Yolanda Caraway (DC)
DNC Hartina Flournoy (DNC)
DNC Harold Ickes (DC)
DNC Ben Johnson (DC)
DNC Eric Kleinfeld (DC)
DNC Minyon Moore (DC)
DNC Elizabeth Smith (DC)
DNC Marilyn Tyler Brown (DC)
DNC Hubert "Buck" Humphrey (MN)
DNC Dan Parker (IN)
DNC Phoebe Crane (IN)
DNC Bob Pastrick (IN)
DNC Hon. Maria Echaveste (CA)
DNC Doug Brooks (MO)
DNC Sandy Querry (MO)
DNC Bill Owen (TN)
DNC Steven Grossman - Former Chair
Rep. Shelley Berkley (NV)

Obama
Gov. Rod Blagojevich (IL)
Gov. Jim Doyle (WI)
Gov. Deval Patrick (MA)
Gov. Tim Kaine of Virginia
Sen. Dick Durbin of Illinois
Sen. Tim Johnson (SD)
Sen. Kent Conrad (ND)
Rep. Neil Abercrombie of Hawaii
Rep. Melissa Bean of Illinois
Rep. Russ Carnahan of Missouri
Rep. Lacy Clay of Missouri
Rep. John Conyers of Michigan
Rep. Jerry Costello of Illinois
Rep. Elijah Cummings of Maryland
Rep. Artur Davis of Alabama
Rep. Danny Davis of Illinois
Rep. Keith Ellison of Minnesota
Rep. Luis Gutierrez of Illinois
Rep. Phil Hare of Illinois
Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr. of Illinois
Rep. Gwen Moore of Wisconsin
Rep. Bobby Rush of Illinois
Rep. Jan Schakowsky of Illinois
Rep. Adam Smith of Washington
Rep. Robert Wexler of Florida
Rep. Ed Perlmutter (CO)
Del. Eni Faleomavaega of American Samoa
John Millin (WY) - Obama
Rep. Sanford Bishop (GA) - Obama
Hank Johnson (GA) - Obama
Rep. William Delahunt (MA)
Dan Slater (CO)
Rep. Dave Loebsack (IA)
Rep. Betty McCollum (MN)
Rep. Carol Shea-Porter (NH)
Rep. Patrick Murphy (PA)
Rep. Barbara Lee (CA)
Rep. Paul Hodes (NH)
Rep. Jim Cooper (TN)
Rep. Al Green (TX)
Rep. Bobby Scott (VA)
Del. Eni FH Falleomavaga (Am-Samoa)
DNC Steven Horsford (NV)
DNC Tom Hynes (IL)
Fmr Sen. Tom Daschle
DNC Michael Fitzgerald
Mayor Adrian Fenty (DC)
DNC Jim Maxson (ND)
DNC Mary Wakefield (ND)
Sen. Barack Obama (IL)

Edwards
Rep. G.K. Butterfield of North Carolina
Rep. Bob Etheridge of North Carolina
Rep. Stephanie Herseth Sandlin of SD
Rep. Charlie Gonzalez of Texas
Rep. Raul Grijalva of Arizona
Rep. Eddie Bernice Johnson of Texas
Rep. Mike McIntyre of North Carolina
Rep. Brad Miller of North Carolina
Rep. Jim Oberstar of Minnesota
Rep. David Obey of Wisconsin
Rep. David Price of North Carolina
Rep. Heath Shuler of North Carolina
Rep. Bart Stupak of Michigan
Rep. Mel Watt of North Carolina
Rep. Albert Wynn of Maryland (Conflicting information found)
Rep. Michael Michaud (ME)
Rep. Bruce Braley (IA)
DNC Joe Wineke (WI)
DNC Sarah Swisher (IA)
DNC Nancy Larson (MN)
DNC Mary Jo Neville (MD)
DNC Muriel Offerman (NC)
DNC Elisa Parker (TN)
DNC Carol Peterson (NC)
DNC C Richard Cranwell (VA)
DNC Diane Saxe (MA)

Richardson
Jeff Bingaman of New Mexico
Tom Udall of New Mexico
Gene Green of Texas
Silvestre Reyes of Texas
Rep. Mike Doyle (PA)
DNC Debbie Marquez (CO)
DNC Ramona Martinez (CO)
Rep. Ed Pastor (AZ)
Rep. Solomon Ortiz (TX)
DNC Ed Espinoza (CA)
Gov. Bill Richardson (NM)
DNC JW Postal (CO)

Kucinich
Jon Ausman (FL) - Kucinich
Rep. Dennis Kucinich (OH)

Frankly, this election can't come soon enough. Gee Dubya Bush (in Jerusalem) just called for "an end to the occupation of land since 1967."

That's a red hot balloon ya got in your hands there, Dubya.

Some legacy.

Sheesh.



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Rumor On The Hill: Bloomberg's Announcement Date

Rumor has it... that that other Dem-turned-Repub NYC mayor, Michael Bloomberg, will announce his White House run on March 31st.

I had put this juicy little gossip bite on the back burner weeks ago.

Announcing on a Monday? How lame would that be?

Until I read this:

NYC Mayor Researching Presidential Bid

Sources Say Michael Bloomberg Is Polling, Collecting Voter Data Nationwide As He Considers Independent Run

Way down the page, there's this:

Using the microtargeting model, research firms working for Bloomberg are gathering comprehensive information on voters throughout the country, such has who owns a home, has children in college, where they vacation, type of car or computer and past political support. All the puzzle pieces will then be arranged to create a picture of each individual.

Most of the data already exists in commercial databases that the multibillionaire Bloomberg can simply purchase. It will then be analyzed to determine how each voter fits into several categories: "strong supporter," "persuadable supporter," or "potential volunteer."

Bloomberg's public denials of any interest in running are getting weaker; he typically says only that he is "not a candidate."

On Monday, he participated in a bipartisan summit in Oklahoma that only fueled speculation about his interest in seeking the presidency.

Take a closer look at Bloomberg.

He has that telltale look of a movie extraterrestrial alien, trying to decipher what causes humans to be be so... emotional.

I've worked on political campaigns with Repub-turned-Dem candidates, and they have that same weird look.

Like they're curious about what makes real liberals tick.

And they never quite understand that whole "I care about the less fortunate among us" concept that drives us.

Whatever Billionaire Bloomberg has in mind, I just hope voters are smart enough to recognize another "there's $$$ to be made with political power" candidate when they see one.

If you want major cuts to local and federal services, Bloomberg's your man.

If you want more deregulation of big biz, you'll like Mike.

If you want to destroy every worker's right to strike, Bloomberg will make it happen.

If you're afraid you'll miss George W. Bush when he adioses the White House, there's always Michael "Just as dumb as Dubya" Bloomberg, famous for:

Bloomberg strongly supported the war in Iraq and the rationale for going in. He stated, "Don't forget that the war started not very many blocks from here" alluding to Ground Zero.

Don't fall for the billionaire's hype. Strike Mike off your list. Today.


Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Senator Clinton: "Do Your Own Damned Ironing, Boys!"

No, she didn't actually say that, but she should have.


I'd like to thank everyone who ignored that whole 17% of New Hampshire's "undecided" voters story and that whole 47% of women supporting Clinton bit... until last night in the somewhat bloody media mea culpa Dem primary aftermath.

I'd also like to thank the Obama voter who asked "the question" that caused Senator Clinton's eyes to well with tears.




Most of all, I'd like to thank those stupid boys who shouted, "Iron my shirt" at the gentlewoman from New York this week.

Thanks, boys.







Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

Shocker! FOX News' Frank Luntz Uses "Undecided" Republican Party Plant ... For The Second Time

Meet Douglas Maher, professional Republican PR shill/Florida 2000 Republican "Protester"/ 2008 "undecided" Republican voter, whose job during this debate was to call Ron Paul insane:





Only in FOX World could Ron Paul score 38% among debate watchers and the FOX Faux Masters declare, "The audience chose no clear winner."

Chew on this factoid: Of the 3000 tickets handed out, 1000 went to the 911iani campaign and 1000 went to Mormon Man. Imagine how many more votes Ron Paul could've scored with a few more tickets.

In fact, Ron Paul's supporters are so pissed at FOX that they chased Sean Hannity down the street this week and shouted, "FOX News sucks!"




My favorite line: "We're not falling for it anymore!"



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

I Want To Vote For This Democrat!

I don't care if he's black or white, or if she's a woman.

I want the chance to vote for an actual, in-your-face Democrat.



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.

How Much Is That Stairway To Heaven?

Pope approves Lourdes indulgences

Pope Benedict XVI has authorised special indulgences to mark the 150th anniversary of the Virgin Mary's reputed appearance at Lourdes.

Catholics visiting the site within a year of 8 December will be able to receive an indulgence, which the Church teaches can reduce time in purgatory.

--snip--

The pontiff also said believers who prayed at places of worship dedicated to Our Lady of Lourdes from 2-11 February next year - or who were unable to make the journey - would also be able to receive indulgences.

And you thought indulgences were gone with the Martin Luther wind?

From Catholic.com:

HOW TO GAIN AN INDULGENCE

To gain any indulgence you must be a Catholic in a state of grace. You must be a Catholic in order to be under the Church’s jurisdiction, and you must be in a state of grace because apart from God’s grace none of your actions are fundamentally pleasing to God (meritorious). You also must have at least the habitual intention of gaining an indulgence by the act performed.

To gain a partial indulgence, you must perform with a contrite heart the act to which the indulgence is attached.

To gain a plenary indulgence you must perform the act with a contrite heart, plus you must go to confession (one confession may suffice for several plenary indulgences), receive Holy Communion, and pray for the pope’s intentions. (An Our Father and a Hail Mary said for the pope’s intentions are sufficient, although you are free to substitute other prayers of your own choice.) The final condition is that you must be free from all attachment to sin, including venial sin.

If you attempt to receive a plenary indulgence, but are unable to meet the last condition, a partial indulgence is received instead.

Below are indulgences listed in the Handbook of Indulgences (New York: Catholic Book Publishing, 1991). Note that there is an indulgence for Bible reading. So, rather than discouraging Bible reading, the Catholic Church promotes it by giving indulgences for it! (This was the case long before Vatican II.)

• An act of spiritual communion, expressed in any devout formula whatsoever, is endowed with a partial indulgence.

• A partial indulgence is granted the Christian faithful who devoutly spend time in mental prayer.

• A plenary indulgence is granted when the rosary is recited in a church or oratory or when it is recited in a family, a religious community, or a pious association. A partial indulgence is granted for its recitation in all other circumstances.

• A partial indulgence is granted the Christian faithful who read sacred Scripture with the veneration due God’s word and as a form of spiritual reading. The indulgence will be a plenary one when such reading is done for at least one-half hour [provided the other conditions are met].

• A partial indulgence is granted to the Christian faithful who devoutly sign themselves with the cross while saying the customary formula: "In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen."

In summary, the practice of indulgences neither takes away nor adds to the work of Christ. It is his work, through his body the Church, raising up children in his own likeness. "The Christian who seeks to purify himself of his sin and to become holy with the help of God’s grace is not alone. ‘The life of each of God’s children is joined in Christ and through Christ in a wonderful way to the life of all the other Christian brethren in the supernatural unity of the Mystical Body of Christ, as in a single mystical person’" (Catechism of the Catholic Church 1474 [Indulgentarium Doctrina 5]).

NIHIL OBSTAT: I have concluded that the materials
presented in this work are free of doctrinal or moral errors.
Bernadeane Carr, STL, Censor Librorum, August 10, 2004

IMPRIMATUR: In accord with 1983 CIC 827
permission to publish this work is hereby granted.
+Robert H. Brom, Bishop of San Diego, August 10, 2004

Indulgences are earthly "proof" that you are moving forward on your stairway to heaven. To the true believer ("a Catholic in a state of grace"), that's a really big deal: it's like money in your pocket.

Thus endeth today's sermon.

Go forth today and consider the concept of currency: the Benjamins in your pocket represent items of value you can purchase.

Sure, they're just pieces of paper... until you exchange them for something you value.

The same goes for indulgences: just pieces of "papal currency" paper, representing "something of value" to be redeemed at a later date.

I don't care whether you're a "good works" (Catholic) believer or a "Jesus did it all for us" (Protestant) believer. And I don't even care which end of the egg you break at your house.

I do care, however, that the new pope wants you to ignore the rules of logic and do things at your own expense because you fear the possibility of purgatory.

Just imagine the sheer enormity of celestial bookkeeping necessary to keep up with the "state of grace-ers" alone!

Think about it.

I mean it, damn it!



Best bar bet in the world: Delilah didn't do it.
Judges 16:19-- And she made him (Samson) sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.